Month: June 2012

Cheers Dianne 🙂

Nah – pizza gets kept for when we head out or when I think I really need it … (Works out to about once a month). If I had it more, I'd probably be closer to 15 stone now than 12 🙂

Not played in the "oh look! torrential rain again …" for a while now 🙂 Our evening games tend to get called off long before the start if the pitch is likely to be wet.

Think I'm doing ok with the depression. The legs worsening again threatened to get me down again but they've improved again. Now my biggest worry is perhaps losing too much weight, which is not a bad worry to have 🙂

I think about ya all the time
I wonder if you're eating nothing but pizza or playing in the rain 🙂

depression can really be a bear and strangle hug you
it might help to see a doc, just sayin

hugs kid

Today’s going to be a string of “I feel like …”

… I should be travelling today.

Not gone back up norf to see the parents for a while. We were intending to head back for Father’s Day but various things meant we did separate things. Mum & Dad had a respite (from caring for my nan) weekend, I had the sneaky Le Mans watching weekend. Various things have cropped up again since then, like this weekend’s potential travel being canned mostly due to my bugs.

… I should probably go see doctors more. (Nevah!)

Monday was ok with these bugs, although I did start needing to do fake yawns to clear my sinuses and ears. Tuesday and Wednesday were the major handkerchief abuse days, with one or two people questioning why I’d come in. Why ? Cos I ignore illness wherever possible. I’d rather my body be in an active state than feeling miserable in a “I can’t do anything – I’m worthless” state.

Being active, for me at least, keeps depression at bay. And if I’m away from a depressive state, I heal better.

… a plague victim

Ok, that’s ManFlu-ing what I feel like :-). I still have the cough but it’s manageable. I’ve been keeping very active this week at work (got a problem with gathering too much flexi credit – too many curious puzzles to investigate) but I fully intend to sleep for at least 12 hours. Yes. Deep restorative sleep is probably what the doctor would order (along with pills) and it’s definitely what Dr Mad Scientist Sleepy is ordering.

… I’m hopeful that my cricket season isn’t over already

When my leg infection started flaring up again, I was thinking “oh no – this is going to develop over the next couple of months – end of season for Sleepy”. But it’s actually reacted very well to a couple of doses of the Fucidin-H antibiotic/steroid cream. I wouldn’t risk it in a game tomorrow but I’m hopeful that the reason it flared was due to my other bugs and that it’s turned the corner in recovering.

… I’m in need of focusing on something new.

In the old days, that would be looking out for new games, new books, new tv series.
Games – just finished the latest DXHR play through and have nothing in the collection shouting “PLAY ME!” just now
Books – just devoured Invincible by Jack Campbell and same – looking for something new. I’m reading Firefox (novel of the film) by Craig Thomas to tide me over.
TV series – still got lots on the box to clear but I’m struggling for new stuff to watch. Falling Skies starts up again next week, that’ll be worth watching.

Those are all distractions though. What I need to focus on is something far more real than that. And I really don’t know where to look to find that at the moment. Been trying to get a picture for an online dating site (yes – really!) for a while now but my camera hates me. It’s not recording the same face I see in the mirror. So – no picture yet.

And talking of image …

… I’m in need of new jeans

I don’t think I’ve worn my jeans for a good few weeks now. I tend to wear jogging type trousers in the evenings and jeans when I’d go out. Work uses suit type trousers or the jeans (smart casual type) on a Friday. Last Friday was different cos I was visiting the contractor’s place. Today ? My jeans felt real loose.

And that’s a really good thought to have. My jeans are 36″ waist, my suit type trousers are 34″ waist (stretchy). And the weight is still coming off.

… I should be eating something

Friday’s are always a little strange. I like to aim for a half day at work to burn up some of that flexi credit. Last couple of weeks I’ve been escaping 3.30 ish. And then I have my lunch. So at 10.30pm ish, I’ve not felt hungry enough for dinner. I’ve had bigger than average breakfast, very late lunch, nothing since. However, I know I’ll need to have something because if I don’t, that restorative sleep will be ruined by IBS type acid.

The cookie supply is in danger.

… I need someone looking out for me.

I know a few people do. There’s a bunch of people who are repeat readers of this blog (despite the walls of text!), I know you’re keeping an eye on me and it’s HUGELY appreciated. But it’s things like having to take a day off work after the latest head injury and none of the work related people checking up. That really hurt. (Pokey-people excepted!)

Head injury + Living alone = Potential for unexpected serious A&E visit
That’s why I got very worried about a colleague who got a bump on the head around Xmas time. If I’d known about that at the time ? Daily “are you ok?” “still ok?” “got bruise to show off?” “does it hurt if you poke it ?” messages. You shouldn’t kid around with head injuries. Outwardly minor ones can turn Very Bad, Very Fast and the person with the injury may not be able to get to the help they need to stay alive.

Yeah – if my marbles hadn’t been scrambled by being thumped anyway, I was in danger of hitting that Dark Place where you think “no one cares”. And the Poke War of 2012 was one thing that kept that at bay.

… I need to avoid that Dark Place

Depression is nasty. If you’re prone to it, you’ll know what I mean. It acts as a negative feedback loop where if you get caught, every action or lack of action reinforces the depression. I suffer from it but try to keep it internal. It gets really bad news if you allow your depression to hurt other people, because the guilt from that hugely reinforces the depression. Self worth is the key. Anything that attacks that self worth will cripple someone prone to depression. So if I don’t achieve my work goals – negative. If I don’t feel I matter – negative.

I try and get out of my depressive cycles by grinning at everyone in sight. But it can be tough to raise that grin if you don’t think anyone will appreciate it. (Finance Angel K and a few others in the new team are AWESOME for bringing out the grin).

… I’ve been rambling far too much.

I’d planned for travelling this weekend, so I don’t have a huge amount of supplies. But I do have several packets of cookies that are in severe danger. And I’m about to watch Dodger videos which always make me laugh, grin and tear up with laughter.

Hi Colleen! Brass In Pocket is excellent. I have it on a "will I like 'em ?" speculative buying of Pretenders – The Singles. May well buy more Pretenders albums in the hope that there's more tracks just as good.

I just danced to Brass in Pocket by The Pretenders, REM and Ziggy Marley! http://looseleafnotes.com

I may have to lend you The Dish at some point … Mind you, I bought another copy for my dad ages ago and I'm not sure whether he's watched it yet.

Not done one of these for ages … either a music post or the old Thursday Thirteen.

Let’s do this one around : What have I listened to lately and what am I planning to listen to ? There’s so much in my library now that it can be many months before I get a chance to listen to some of what’s in there. Which is a shame, cos I’ll never get tired of listening to albums like Super Extra Gravity, Arctic Monkeys, Broken Wave, Fur & Gold, All About Eve, Illumina or Scarlet’s Walk.

Enough with the preamble ! What were the last albums I listened to ?

1 – Star Wars Episode 1. Ok, it was its turn but it does continue the John Williams tradition that’s been a highlight of the Star Wars movies over the years. Here’s Duel of the Fates, the signature theme of the prequels.

2 – Goldfrapp – Head First. This is Goldfrapp in boppy style. Have to admit that I think that Seventh Tree is their best but that’s just the style of music I prefer to chill out to. Lots of highlights on Head First, including the title track.

3 – Gorillaz – The Fall. Again, not one I think is their best but it’s growing on me.

4 – Avril Lavigne – Goodbye Lullaby. Think she got a little too taken with a couple of the tracks on here, my own favourite is Darlin. And the internet is going to be hunting that video maker down for the mortal crime (lol) of bad spelling.

5 – Hannah Peel – Broken Wave. Awesome debut album from the folky stunner. What haven’t I linked from this album yet ? I dunno – here’s the one that I linked on to Facebook the other day with the caption “I’m pausing everything ! Here’s why ” : Song For The Sea. It’s not just the vocals, it’s the interplay with piano and synth.

6 – Ennio Morricone – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. One of the all time classic film soundtracks. I have the theme as my mobile ring tone. Does it get stares ? Yes. Which is why this is my ring tone (without the gunshots cos that would just freak people out even more). Classic movie too.

7 – Pink Floyd – Relics. This is like a greatest hits from their early days. Pink Floyd changed character drastically between the 60s and 70s and then again in the 80s after Roger Waters went his own way. I prefer 70s Floyd but there were some great songs from the 60s too, including Remember A Day. This version is in remembrance of the author, Rick Wright.

Ok – that’s what I’ve listened to, what’s coming up … Firstly, 3 albums I haven’t listened to for way too long :

8 – The Cardigans – iTunes Originals. The iTunes originals albums are essentially greatest hits albums but they also have band interviews woven in. While I avoid rebuying songs as part of greatest hits albums, I have been picking up the iTunes Originals for the interviews. Here’s Magnus’ favourite song : 03.45am No Sleep which some call sad but for me, it makes me recall nights spent nattering away to the Warcraft people (that’s you VR!) until everyone has fallen asleep at their keyboards.

9 – U2 – Rattle And Hum. Ok, they’re so mainstream they define mainstream (including cloning their own songs) but I will occasionally listen to them. Not a huge fan but I’ll sing along to tracks like All I Want Is You. (Which would kinda make up for singing along to a bad-feelings song when a partner was listening – doh). U2 are ok, they just allow their egos to make them say daft things and that turns me off them.

10 – Tori Amos – Scarlet’s Walk. Another one I mentioned up top 🙂 This one is filled with cracking songs including the title track (so wanna link I Can’t See New York again – doh!).

And yes – that was me looking for an excuse to sing along to I Can’t See New York again 🙂 (Bugs are improving)

Last 3 for this one – albums I haven’t listened to enough yet :

11 – Adam & The Ants – Kings of the Wild Frontier. This album’s a classic, with the title track being the strongest.

12 – Aimee Mann – Lost In Space. Bit mainstream again but that voice makes up for it. Here’s Pavlov’s Bell.

13 – Edie Brickell – Volcano. As Edie says it, “This song’s called Once In A Blue Moon.”

And I’ll leave it there for tonight – have a good evening everyone 🙂 If any Thursday Thirteeners spot this, leave a comment and I’ll add you a link below. I’ve not been keeping a close eye on Thursday Thirteen host sites but I’ll take a peek in a minute.

Linkbacks :
1 – Colleen’s Thursday Thirteen.

Correct……….

Ahhh – but which one are you missing ?

I have my money on the missing one being The Dish 🙂

Have seen 7 out of the 8 listed…. [lol]