Year: 2012

Ahhh SkyPad – how to say less, show less but take far more time doing so.

And Martin Brundle's new co-occupier of the com-box is a raving moron.

Oh, don't forget the imaginative new idea – the SkyPad [LMAO]

First Crazie Movie outing for a little while on Friday and it must have been a little too long since I’ve enjoyed the company of friends chilling out with a movie night …

The hyperactivity hasn’t quite been so prevalent lately, as I’ve been feeling somewhat ground down before the Easter break (happens every year). Anyway, one pizza night + one enjoyable film + company of good people = hyperactivity (and therefore Pete’s cheerfulness). Would still have loved to see a Special Guest come along as I think it would be a good escape from home stuff.

How was the film ? We watched John Carter (of Mars), which admittedly is a product of the Disney house so we were expecting some cheesiness to come in. But despite the efforts of the cast to drag the story down, it was a really enjoyable bit of fluffiness. I’ll buy this one when it gets to a decent price and watch it until it wears out.

What can I say, I like scifi and if there’s a Princess like Deja Thoris (played by Lynn Collins), then those glittering blue eyes and fiery character will make me pay attention.

So yeah, it’s a good and watchable film despite the efforts to drag the original story down to Disney level :-). And I now need to pick up a copy of that original Edgar Rice Burroughs story to see how it compares. It shows the benefit of starting with good writing.

Which brings me to the garbage we’re being subjected to on telly at the moment …

We talk a little about what’s on while we’re at work. The favourites at the moment are The Walking Dead, with a couple also being interested in Spartacus. I’ve been hanging on with The Walking Dead as there’s still a little something there (although it has been “where are you going?” struggling lately) but gave up on Spartacus and True Blood after just the one season. Walking Dead still has the goodwill from a first season that was planned and paced really well, this season is too drawn out.

They seem to be falling back on the maxim “Sex Sells”. My objection to that drew the comment “can’t handle the raunchy stuff ?” (which has been bubbling away in my head over the last few days). Let’s just say : I think in pictures, I can freely manipulate those pictures, join the dots. Muahaha (and giggle).

My objection to stuff like Spartacus is that they’re using the sex aspect to cover incredibly weak stories. And you can get better sex pics from actual softcore porn rather than stuff like Spartacus which is soft core porn masquerading badly as serious drama.

That is what it is. And I found it so boring and unimaginative that I didn’t bother watching it after the end of the first series.

But that’s not what I really get annoyed with. The sad thing is that the series that are going the Sex Sells route are continuing to get made, instead of potentially brilliant writing in Terra Nova (enjoyed that), A Town Called Eureka and most of all Defying Gravity. Of those :

Defying Gravity – killed after half a season. This had an interesting grand plan, a good cast and remembered that key of entertainment : Have Fun. It was scifi done well and I really wanted to know where they were taking their distopian view of the future.
A Town Called Eureka – definitely Has Fun and passes that on to the viewer. Likely to get canned after its fifth season
Terra Nova – hopefully this will get renewed but the future isn’t bright after Fox dropped it.

Yep – I wish I could be watching Defying Gravity rather than Spartacus, yet the tits & arse of Spartacus means the tired, unimaginative and BORING storyline is what reaches our screens.

Meh. Ranting again … Time to close out 🙂

Friday’s activity didn’t see me getting around the shops as Plan A said. I’d originally intended to scout Globe Sports for gear, mosey around Bristol centre and avoid buying hifi stuff at Richer Sounds. Spent longer at work than intended so I only got to Globe Sports. And even that needed half an hour walking up and down the hill from the car park. Good 1.5 mile blast inc hill which I felt in strained muscles that evening.

(training maxim – if it’s hurting, it’s working)

But I did have time to pick up :

I’d prefer a Panama style wide brim hat (keeps the rain off and keeps off-centre sun away) but if the Pink Hat Project needs me to run around in a baseball cap, so be it :-).

I kept it down to just the cap though, there was a very shiny feeling bat there and I’ll get new spikes for this season too. But … I need to have a practice session before I buy a bat so my muscles remember a little about what they’ll be looking for in a bat.

PS Forgot the “of racing” bit … Watching the Formula 1 off SkyF1 at the moment and if you haven’t got it, you’re not missing a thing. The filler is about the same standard as the BBC filler. Like – utterly missable. I’m likely to be hitting fast-forward much more next weekend for Malaysia. The pictures will be the same on BBC because they’re fed from the host broadcaster. Commentators are Martin Brundle (who F1 fans will know) and another commentator who thinks he knows all (doesn’t) and insists on showing off his lack of knowledge. DC was a far better summariser.

You are missing nothing by not having the SkyF1 channel !

I’m still having those random thoughts bouncing around like crazy …

One of them today was on the gaming again. I think because I’d touched on comparing Star Wars The Old Republic to World of Warcraft.

There’s a thing with Massively Multiplayer Online games that we didn’t see before the online thing really took off. At some point, you stop playing the game for yourself. You start playing it for other people. You feel compelled to log in and Do Stuff in game because you’re supporting other people. That’s where it starts getting into dangerous territory …

Specifically the question : “Why am I playing this game ?”

After all, gaming is one of the most unproductive activities I can think of, especially when it stops being Fun. If the answer to the question is one of the following, that’s a good reason :

To relax (Settlers IV is mind numbing … and sometimes that’s precisely what I need)
To enjoy a good story (Deus Ex, Mass Effect)
To complete everything possible (Skyrim will do this)

Some of the games coming out these days have writing and action that’s every bit as good as novels on the shelf or movies on the screen. Better in some cases, as you have the chance to rewrite the story the way you want. Like where my Mass Effect play throughs always seem to go Paragon (good guy/gal) because those are the dialogue options I like. I have real trouble acting the bad guy. Something in me is fundamentally uncomfortable with being rude, arrogant or cruel.

I don’t include “to be the best at it” as a good reason, which is probably why I avoid online shooter type games. There’s plenty of other things in life to be “best at” which are more productive than fleeting games.

But if the reason you’re in the game is :

Because other people expect me to be in there.

Then it’s time to find another thing to do. Note “expect”, that’s different to you being with a bunch of people like Violence Reborn (my WoW guild) and Mercs (old WoW guild) who were awesome to be around. “Expectation” is much different to “Anticipation of fun”. Some of the time I’d log into Warcraft just to see what crazy thing was coming over the guild chat. And then I’d be drawn into Mumble which would make me laugh even more.

The problem with Warcraft is that the expectation of being in the game started to overweigh the Fun factor inherent in playing the game. And this gets more than a few people too. Trouble is, they don’t realise they’ve got burned out on the game and keep playing because they feel that expectation. If your MMO has become a second job, it needs to be binned before it becomes more important than your primary job. (Like me binning the indoor cricket team all those years ago)

I’ve binned all my MMO subscriptions now, I just wasn’t enjoying the game play style. I’ve been ignoring the calls from one or two people who say I should come back into Eve, WoW or SWTOR. If you’re not enjoying something that is supposed to be fun, then why pay for it (Masochists may disagree).

With my current state of mind, being involved in an MMO would likely be highly dangerous too. I’m in a state where I’m needing to be involved with other people. I can be quite self contained but I also depend on contact with others. My own feelings of self worth depend on that (and it’s quite low at the moment). So an MMO would expose me to that contact which I crave, exposing me to an addiction that had me at emotional collapse in the last days of me leading the Mercs guild.

But – while I’m not doing the MMO thing, I’m still logging into Steam almost every night.

There’s someone who I randomly ran into in a game store last year (in a “Isn’t that … ????” kind of way) who I ended up chatting to for way too long, which led to me getting another Steam friend. We’ll bounce thoughts about gaming off each other (we both like the same games) and I hope I make her laugh as much as she makes me laugh.

Laughing is the best therapy for a weary soul.

Oh and I’m allegedly a people person 🙂 Not sure if I believe that because of the difficulties I have with communicating but if The Boss says I am, I definitely won’t argue :-). And that’s someone I’ll definitely miss over the next week or so – Snow Queen and The Boss are both out all next week. Missing them already.

Get foiled by Amazons !

Random thoughts today cos my mind is everywhere and nowhere …

I was hoping to get some concentrated Saving Of The Universe in this weekend with a new game called Mass Effect 3 (yes, you may have caught that there’s two bits of controversy on this one …) which I’d preordered months ago from Amazon. You’d have thought they’d be able to deliver on release day but it’s only just come through today. Bit meh. And that’s deja vu from when Mass Effect 2 was released, with that one I cancelled the preorder and got it from Asda on release day after Amazon failed to fulfill the order.

Saving the world could wait though :

Very tired right now and the stress level is approaching the limit of what I can successfully suppress. March is a tricky month for me, as I’ve usually had a break before now. It’s the length of time between the Xmas break and the Easter break that gets me. Possibly a bit of Seasonally Affective Disorder as well coming into play.

So if I’m snappy right now and not as focused as I should be, that’s why. Same for absentmindedness. Confidence has gone low too, so my latent hyperactivity is not burning through that stress as much as it should.

The stress is also why I’m struggling physically as well now. I have full agility (hips are very stiff but they’ll live) despite my back telling me it’s as stiff as hardwood. Just need that spark, motivation, reason to unlock the energy again. And that’s where I depend on doing stuff for other people. Thinking I’ve helped or cheered someone else up puts that grin back on me and lets me jump into the fray again.

Musicy stuff –

Been expanding the library again. Latest arrivals are Sheryl Crow, Mindy Gledhill (Anchor is a very Happy album), Norah Jones (awesome singer), Maroon 5 (I want da Moves Like Jagger), Katie Melua, Duffy, Tori Amos and the 2001 soundtrack. Definitely enjoying the music …

… but I’m considering spending cash on another amplifier. Bit daft really, as the current one functions. It’s just annoying with the bad HDMI connectivity (Onkyo problem). Let’s just say a visit to Richer Sounds for a stand for my bits might end up being more expensive than it ought …

Loo stuff – I’m still likely to need to do a replacement but I have acquired a secret weapon … The only question I have now is being able to lift the bits. Porcelain isn’t light. One person job too because the access is very tight.

Weight n stuff – very happy here. I’ve lost almost a stone now, although that has stabilised. I’ve got used to a different discipline in how I eat and how I snack. Not had cookies in the afternoon at work for a while. It’s showing in extra agility, the same power is available in my legs but has less ballast to overcome.

Thinking of diet – seen the latest that says red meat will kill you ? Eating is unhealthy. There’s something in everything that will kill you … eventually. But. Not eating anything will kill you a lot lot faster. Take what you read with a pinch of salt (oops). What comes out of supposedly respectable research places these days resembles sensationalist quackery. It is : Garbage. Eat what works for you, everyone needs different food.

Cricket – hoping I’ll have a nets buddy 🙂 Globesports down in the middle of Bristol offer indoor nets with a bowling machine. Just one session will be more pre season practice than the last maybe 8 seasons put together. I won’t be bowling though so I’ll need to get my conditioning another way. Like walking around site over a lunch time.

Not that it does much good 🙂 Even with getting as much pre season practice and conditioning as I could get to 20 years ago, I’d still need a few days to unstiffen after the first game of the season. And that’s with me being 20 years less broken :-).

Think that’s most of the random thoughts out of my head, at least the ones that escape the tiredness trap that is.

There are more though. I’ve been keeping an eye on a couple of people lately. Those thoughts are definitely still rumbling around in my head. Thoughts of “is … ok?” are the first coherent thoughts in the morning and they’re the last thoughts before sleep.

Time for a hot shower before starting on that last leg of the Mass Effect trilogy 🙂

Part of Blogger’s unasked for and unwanted recent changes has lost us our labels on the bottom of posts.

I’m a bit patchy on labels to be honest. But if I add them, I like them to actually appear. So – how do you get them back if Google’s messed up your template ?

Here’s something I picked up off da interwebs :

<< grr – copying it through didn’t work, see the link below to get your labels back >>

And that’s from the Google support forums, linked here.

Seems to work 🙂 I have my labels back. BUT ! This functionality is another thing that should not have been meddled with by someone who unleashed unwanted and unnecessary change on blogger.

Oh in other news – Amazon have let me down again with a preorder. I preordered Mass Effect 3 ages ago, expecting Amazon to get it to me on or near release day. Well, that was Friday and I haven’t got my game yet.

Sad face. (Which to be honest is due to tiredness hitting me)

And after saying "I will not play at BAWA (nose job place) again" – that feels like there's a bit of fear leftover. So if it's on the fixture list, I will go back there. Fear must not be allowed to win.

This thought’s been rattling around in my head for the past couple of days …

A friend mentioned “wouldn’t want to go back there because of the memories”. And I agreed at the time too. The last thing Ravenwolf and I did together as a couple was to head out to Orlando for a fortnight, with Ravenwolf then staying on for another fortnight with her mum and sister.

The overriding memories (it’s faded a bit) of the fortnight is :

Chilling out,
Fun at the theme parks,
Being well looked after by the Americans,
Sun and warmth

Those are great memories. But I’d been thinking : “wouldn’t want to go back there because of remembering what happened back then.”. But while I will think instinctively, I always leave room for changing my mind on stuff later. Which I think still surprises people when I will snap from a preconceived idea to a different one in a heartbeat (I’ve raced through their logic and recognised its value).

Same with this one – we should always remember what’s gone before. But should we be locked into it ? I don’t think so. If it’s a place worth going, think about what the root cause of the bad memory actually is and confront that instead of denying yourself the good stuff. I’d quite like to go back to Orlando again 🙂 Especially as the bad memory is from what followed the holiday rather than what happened on the holiday. I suspect I also won’t be quite the clueless tourist the second time around.

My problem is motivation – I’m rubbish at doing things for myself because I feel compelled to do things for others. So I wouldn’t want to check these things out for myself, I’d quite happily treat someone else to it.

Cricket is another source of bad memory for me (amongst the great cricket memories !) – mostly for injury issues.

I’ll not play again at the ground where I broke my nose – but not for those fragmented memories. I was rather glad there was enough time left in the season to bat again after the nose incident, it gave me chance to confront any potential fear before it had time to fester over the winter. I still have the occasional flash of seeing a cricket ball 6 inches from my right eye, which I don’t know is a real memory or extrapolated. But that’s not the reason for never playing at the ground again. Nah – that’s because it’s not a fit ground for cricket, with a square that’s marshy and very dangerous for cramp prone legs like mine. I always hurt muscles there ! After tearing leg muscles in almost all the games I played there, it’s just not worth the risk at 37.

No – the big cricket memory has been confronted and dealt with and the others also get similarly managed.

The bad shoulder still affects me and as well as being unable to bowl it means I should never use power in a throw. But I forget about the memory of the pain and concentrate on fielding to the best of what I can do. Which means letting the captain know so I’m allowed to stay in close where I’m best.

Fear of rejection is another memory I struggle with though. Since Ravenwolf, I’ve tried a few times to strike up a relationship with other people but it’s always ended up with stonewalling before anything actually happened. I like to feel I Matter to other people and that’s a crucial part of my feelings of self worth. Memory and fear of rejection is something I still struggle badly with.

That’s enough of my attempts to confront my bad memories though :-).

I think I’m dealing with them better lately because what’s been happening with a bunch of other people has forced me to look again at stuff from my past. And after another look, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much now as it did back then. Things like ditching the jokey but cruel “Evil Ex” tag for her old tag. Although I’m still not that comfortable talking about the details.

Back to the original thing – I’d quite like to go back to Orlando. I enjoyed the chilling out, the space, the fresh air, the warmth, the sun. There’s a lot going for places like that, even if it is obvious it’s all built for the tourists. They do it so well though 🙂

Would I go back there ? With a willing partner, oh yes. Although that’s tinged slightly with “why go to the same place twice when there’s so many options out there ?” There’s lots out there that I haven’t seen or experienced.

Right reason to not go – been there before
Wrong reason – stuff that’s in the past

But (and this is the last bit of Wall Of Text – honest) : the pain has faded for me, it’s still very raw for others with those wounds still bleeding. However, always keep an open mind and allow room for those hard set ideas to change.

A memory like mine has a few advantages among its disadvantages 🙂

I tend to think in pictures, feelings and motion. (Which can make it tough to get what I’m thinking turned into words). But what it does mean is that when things stick in there amongst the sawdust, I can pull faces out of my head far better than I can put names to them.

Or … I can compare how Snow Queen cakes taste to cakes made by mere mortals.

Yep. Snow Queen cakes are far superior to Fabulous Baking Boy muffins (2 for deals from supermarkets are very dangerous).

I still have 6 FBB muffins to go but each one will have me wishing for the taste of one of those Snow Queen buns. They were lush. Oh and I only had 2 at work today, I am supposed to be on a diet after all :-).

PS If Snow Queen cakes are superior to Fabulous BB cakes, what adjective is fitting for the Snow Queen ?

Got the ouchies again and I’m desperate for something to take my mind off it. The best way I have for that is to do something nice for someone but opportunities have been lacking lately.

So it’s time to dive into music instead. Theme is similar to the last one, except that instead of doing 70s, 80s, 90s etc this one will be ages 0-10, 11-20, 21-30 and 30-too many :

Age 0-10 (1974-1984) is dominated by things I grew up with :

1 – Star Wars theme by John Williams. I was just about old enough to watch Return Of The Jedi in the cinema when it first came out and we always watched the movies when they were a Xmas essential. The movies (all 6 – I’m a forgiving fan) were amazing and are still good today. They’ve been joined by some excellent books too but ignore the New Jedi Order series and ANY book written by Kevin J Anderson.

2 – Strange Land by Clannad. Another series I grew up with was Robin Of Sherwood (the Michael Praed version). The series hasn’t aged particularly well (it wasn’t that great to start with !) but the music is pure Irish magic. Clannad are one of those groups that keep coming out with music with plenty of character, driven by the pure vocals of Maire Brennan.

3 – Army Dreamers by Kate Bush. Yep, little boys have dreams about what they’ll be doing when they grow up and I was no exception. Although with me, that was coloured by living in Northern Ireland until 11 when the Troubles were starting to wind down. Oh, this track could have been the Milky Bar Kid ad tune, as I was as much a lookalike as the Milky Bar Kid lookalike in the video.

Age 11-20 (1985-1994)

4 – We’re the Bunburys by Barry Gibb. I was never too good at football at school and rugby was too muddy (although I was devastating on the wing until knee injuries intervened). Cricket was ace, it gave me an outlet for wanting to run around that fit in perfectly with how my body has always been set up : short bursts of intense action with time to recover. Had some happy days with the cricket and collected a few trophies along the way. This track got adopted as one of the unofficial cricket anthems for a while.

5 – Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen. I have special reasons for posting a song with a theme like this … A toast to memories, may they last forever even if we don’t.

6 – More Than The Blues by All About Eve. I’m a huge All About Eve fan but may not have turned into one if not for this song. It’s good but not their best (Apple Tree Man, Scarlet, Are You Lonely and many more) but it caught me when it came on the telly live (quite possibly that linked performance). They have a beautiful singer with a voice that’s always been one of my favourites. Great songs, great band, amazing singer.

Age 21-30 (1995-2004) – oh wow this is a hell of a decade for me. University, starting work, big relationship and running straight into a traumatic breakup.

7 – Changes by David Bowie. (iTunes claims it’s 1999). So many changes … I went from school and living with the parents to university and surviving with new friends to starting work and very definitely surviving on my own. And then relationship to incoming breakup.

8 – Should be Intense by Alisha’s Attic and I can’t believe that’s not on Youtube anywhere … This was a fairly intense time, 2 big relationships (I don’t go in for small flings, it’s all my heart or nothing) plus all the studying for uni. Then needing to find a job after uni and bouncing round the country on placements for the first 2 years of work. Definitely intense. But also fun amongst the heartache.

9 – What Do I Do Now ? by Sleeper. Which was exactly what I was thinking after uni … There’s a curious contrast between Sleeper and All About Eve. Sleeper’s singer outshone her band, which did them a lot of damage. All About Eve’s singer was a vital part of their band, you thought of them as All About Eve and not Julianne Regan + band whereas Sleeper was definitely Louise Wiener + band. However, Julianne Regan is an infinitely better singer than Louise Wiener. It’s curious the way things like that happen.

Age 31-37 (2005-now)

10 – It’s All Over Bar The Crying by Garbage. This time started with me running straight into a major relationship breakup, which happened a fortnight after returning from the USA on a holiday of a lifetime type thing. It’s incredibly rare that I’m brought to actual tears but this period had me very close to them on many occasions. It’s not so much the shock of a “This Is The End” type thing, it’s first dealing with the fallout where I had to lean heavily on the support of friends and then looking at a great gaping void where you thought the future used to be.

11 – If There’s A Rocket Tie Me To It by Snow Patrol. Yes, I listen to male singers too occasionally! Snow Patrol can come out with a very raw emotional sound and while I don’t show mine too much, it’s the same under my skin.

12 – Don’t Kiss The Broken One by Hannah Peel. Hannah Peel’s music makes me grin. And this one kinda sums me up too. Despite thinking there might be something there a few times since the Ravenwolf (aka Evil Ex but I’m burying that codename from now) breakup, it’s not been a mutual attraction. Rejection I can handle but I struggle to deal with being ignored, which is what those few times turned into. I also have a habit of chasing the unattainable while completely missing the obvious

31 to 37 too maudlin ? Perhaps I’m still living in 2005 and haven’t moved on sufficiently yet. Or it’s a reflection of how I’m feeling at the moment – I’m having trouble ignoring a sore back.

Last one – bonus track which sums me up : Still A Weirdo by KT Tunstall 🙂 And that’s : Weird and proud of it.