Year: 2012

I take St John's Wort & Ginseng on a regular basis…. and Pepsi Max [grin]

Muahaha – the Pepsi Max + Crunchie combo is almost as good as a packet of Mini Eggs or Smarties 🙂

Tis the season for stimulants…. LOTS of stimulants!

Been quiet again lately.

My brain has been doing its usual thing of thinking about all sorts of things, usually at random but when it comes to seeing and clicking that “new post” button, it hasn’t quite happened.

I think I’m still in a hide mode, where I’m thinking more of recovering than anything else. But it’s not just that. I possibly suffer a little from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is one where the turn of the season switches something in your mind towards “It’s dark out there, you should be sleeping.” There’s a bit more to SAD than that but that’s the basic premise of it. I’m quite tired right now and in need of a break :

Been fighting this skin thing for a while and it grinds you down
Breaks from work not giving me much benefit
Treatment sometimes being worse than illness
And that tendency to SAD

Does that read a bit like “Sleepypete needs a hug” ? Per’aps.

I do feel very much worn down but that’s mostly from not recovering from what ended up being a nasty situation at work. You expect your bosses to take an interest in what you’re doing and to steer you in the direction they think you should go in. But when that steering becomes outright interference and later direct sabotage of what your stated objectives are, that’s when the stress level starts to ramp up.

What I do depends on a steady flow of information. And what this particular individual was doing was to systematically remove me from the meetings where I could get that information. His last act of doing that came directly after hearing one of the other people at his level pass on a “Pete really helped me out in that meeting” with me then being immediately removed from attending the next review. I saw my role in that particular review as support, feeding information to the people who needed it, while drawing in information to discuss with others who were not a part of that review. I’d not be totally quiet though, I’d be reporting on a few of the defects that were our organisation’s responsibility.

And sabotage like that had been steadily increasing over his period in post (note I do not say “in control” there).

There’s a lot of distinct styles associated with meetings. There’s the type that have to be constantly saying things. It doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be related to the subject actually under discussion. But they have to be seen as actively involved in the discussion. That’s the Long Screwdriver type that cause huge amounts of interference and damage in projects.

I’m a much quieter person. I will listen hard to everything going on in a meeting and will be actively collating all that information together. I’ll make judgment calls as to whether I need to pass something on to people outside the meeting. And that often happens because meetings can’t involve everyone because they’re a time sink.

I’ll talk when I need to, not because the Long Screwdriver instinct says I should be.

The problem comes when the Long Screwdriver person’s behaviour gets reinforced by apparent progress made when they’re around. They don’t seem to realise that we’d have been getting on with it anyway and we’d have got on with it better without their interference.

Case in point – several problems we’re tackling now have their roots years ago when a collection of these Seen And Definitely Heard people were involved. (There’s been quite a number of them)

This all sounds like a rant doesn’t it ?

There’s a definite separation between Professional Behaviour and how people actually are.

The big target of the rant above is actually a great person. He inspired a certain kind of loyalty, despite all the interference. A long time ago I worked directly for one of the other people I’ve vaguely referred to above and would defend him without question. I saw his workload back then, the documents he worked from and I’m not surprised deeply significant critical details were missed out (because the source documents were misleading). But I know how hard they worked and could see how much effort they put in to getting things right. His only fault was to not get his helper (me!) involved when he was getting overwhelmed.

That’s one thing I’m struggling with at the moment – summoning the energy to put in. And I think that’s showing with the tendency not to hit that “create post” button here. I’m ok at work when I’m powered by Coffee, Crunchies and Pepsi Max but the crash comes at home. (Not needed the Crunchie & Pepsi Max for a while!)

I’m still battling the skin thing, although it’s hugely better than it was a month ago. I’m nearly clear on all parts of my body, with the red inflamed bits steadily receding. There’s still a few holdout bits but the treatment gel stuff is very effective with those. However, I’m having to balance treatment with looking after the rest of me – hip hates me right now.

This weekend has been a chilled out one, filled with sport. Yesterday saw As-Live coverage of the cricket from India, it starts at 4am and finishes at 11am so the hours are hostile for watching it in the week. But it’s ok for a weekend. Follow that yesterday with England v South Africa rugby and then the Grand Prix qualifying. Today it’s As-Live cricket again, which will finish neatly before the Grand Prix starts. I’ll be able to watch a little of the build up too.

There’s also Strictly Come Dancing too, hopefully Michael & Natalie will keep going, although I suspect they’ll be in the dance off. There’s a lot of great dancers in Strictly this year, any of the ones left in now could win the whole thing, it’s that open.

I’ll close out with Movember – I had a head start here because my face was a bit torn up by the spreading infected excema. I cut the beard but kept the ‘tache for Movember. It’s a fairly decent one too, maybe I’ll grab a picture 🙂

But – I promise – in a week, it’s gone. Lol. It’s annoying and is getting in the way.

And I suspect that promise to remove it will come as great relief to all who know me.

Right ! Back to the cricket and firstly, enough munchies to see me through a few hours where I’ll want to touch as little as possible. And then – more gunky treatment … (Cross fingers I stay warm!)

PS I’m on the busses to get into work next week, which is due to more of those Long Screwdriver people … We have a huge site where I work but. The Long Screwdriver mob are insisting on squeezing more people into it than can fit so they can close other sites. That’s in terms of how many desks we have for them as well as car parking space. Yet no one of sufficient seniority has raised their flag to say “What the hell are you playing at ?”. They just accept the squeeze as normal business. Instead of going “Ok, we’ll make this happen by abusing our workforce” it should be “There is no more room on this site, stop squeezing more in”. We’re expected to cope with about 75% of the room needed to fit everyone in. It doesn’t work. And they wonder why the workforce keeps giving the senior management votes of no confidence in the yearly surveys …

(Yep – I know I’ve used that title recently, different theme this time – honest !)

Noticed a trend with technology ?

We seem to be taking as many steps backwards as we are taking steps forward with our tech.

Yes. Our toys do more than they did years ago. However … they’re also far less reliable and don’t always work the way they’re supposed to. Another issue is expectation. We expect the technology we buy to live up to its claims.

I can think of a few big examples. The biggest is software … It used to be that software driven items would arrive in a fully tested and ready for market state. As the complexity of the software increases, so does the potential for error in that software. Especially now, as instead of effectively being hand crafted, our software is built by automated compilation systems. If the compiler has an error, that error infests the final compiled software.

And that brings me to amusing example 1 of today : Bad news for any Android people looking to book in Xmas … That’s an example of one of those software errors that we didn’t see much of. But because the internet opens the possibility of fixing the errors that should never have been exposed to the public, that increases the likelihood of those errors being allowed to slip through testing.

Testing is nowhere near as comprehensive as it should be these days. It doesn’t help when the underlying operating system is just plain broken. (Vista, WinME ?) Oh – what happened at that link ? A basic software error meant that one of the people contact apps couldn’t understand the month December. That’s right folks, Google cancelled Christmas.

It’s a simple error but one that I can’t remember seeing much of before the ability to easily patch meant that proper quality control became unaffordable.

It’s not just Android though, my suspicion of Windows phones is being justified …

You know how people used to joke that if anything went wrong with Windows, the cure would be to restart it ? Well – that’s transferring to their attempt at making a smartphone too … If you have a look in that Register story, it tells of phones rebooting at random. There’s a term for that, rooted in the Sales of Goods Act – “not fit for purpose”.

Yet it’s becoming standard that we accept stuff that’s just not finished.

To keep the balance, it’s not just Windows that’s bad. One big reason I’m looking at iPhones is because my Android mobile is not the 100% stable thing that it should be. And I know I’d be inheriting a few bugs with the iPhone. Anyone remember the antenna problems with an iPhone that meant that if you held it in your left hand, you’d short out the antenna ? Apple aren’t the best either …

I dunno. It’s just annoying that defective items are becoming the accepted norm. Our toys do more but at the cost of complication and ever increasing gremlins.

In other news …

That steering wheel acquisition is getting closer. I was in Curiosity Only mode until last night. When I spotted F1 2012 on offer on Steam … Couldn’t resist. So I now have a racing game and no wheel to play it with. I have a decent joystick but that’s best on flight stuff, not so good with cars.

And it wouldn’t be a Sleepypete 2012 post without something on health … People are telling me I’m looking significantly better than I was a few weeks ago. I guess that’s true 🙂 3 weeks ago I was pretty bad. Now the skin thing is mostly cleared up.

Went away this weekend just gone to see the parents for the birthday weekend. Met someone who’s likely to effectively be the little Brother-Out-Law. Sister’s been going out with someone for a bit over a year now, a fella who has a son. I think of them both as brothers now, having met the son this weekend. Good kid and he has a brain that means I can talk to him on a fairly equal level because he’ll understand or figure out the techie or mechanical stuff. Awesome.

Decent weekend but it’s told me one thing – I am improving but not sufficiently improved yet to be healing on my own. There’s a few patches that were coming back. They responded well to a gunking last night though 🙂

Prospects are still looking good, I just have to maintain the discipline to do that gunking. Which also means pain because it involves sitting in positions which my right hip doesn’t like …

PS One last techie thing which I’m hoping won’t strike now … Virgin media still has broken Youtube ! Seems to be spreading into iPlayer too. Watching Strictly off iPlayer yesterday evening was … frustrating.

Cheers CK 🙂

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Birthday yesterday. Yey !

Perhaps. I’m definitely feeling older on the inside these days, although I try and hide that as much as possible.

So – what did I do ? Went to work as usual. There’s two different ways people approach work on their birthday. Some come in, some take it as time off. I prefer to come in so I can grin at people. I much prefer being around other people than being on my own.

Ok – so how does that tie in with living on my own so much ? Yawn. I get by with keeping up with what’s coming over Facebook, not so much blogging these days, by watching the amusing gaming related videos, by trying to make people laugh over online chat. (I kinda miss the WoW chat, there’s some amazing characters there)

It wasn’t all work yesterday though. I had the follow up appointment at the doctors. I have to say, the experience has improved since the first visit :

Visit 1 – waited over an hour past the appointment time. Saw bloke doctor. Meh. Sure, I’ll look at a male athlete’s body and think it’s attractive but my thoughts are mainly “How can I be like that ?”

Visit 2 – waited a while again, saw lady doctor. Impression ? Brain the size of a planet but a little disconnected from reality. As in didn’t quite perceive the universe the way the rest of us do. Cute from that certain point of view though.

(I’m sure there’s a few people who think much the same of me)

Visit 3 – shorter wait, more normal lady doctor. The sort of person who would look stunning if they made the effort. Better drugs too, they cleared out the infection although there’s still damage to repair.

Visit 4 (yesterday) – shorter wait again, different doctor again. Total – KNOCKOUT. Wow. She had the sort of looks that would have nightclub bouncers letting her not just bypass the queue, they’d be paying her to go in. Oh and she was chuckling at my vague attempts at humour too.

Yep. I believe I managed to remain rational and intelligent in the face of all that beauty.

Prognosis ? Recovering steadily. Doc didn’t think I needed any drugs this time (reckon the infection has been dealt with) but she was worried about the remaining bits of me that are still angry looking. So I’ll keep doing the Hide & Treatment thing until I’m all pasty white again like a proper geek should be.

Keep that Yellow Face away. It burns.

So my birthday evening was spent watching stuff on the telly while hiding in my main room trying not to get the gunk I’m treating the damage with on anything.

That sounds pretty bad doesn’t it ?

Yes. From a certain point of view. However. I look back to a fortnight ago and remember all the damage I had then. I remember how wretched existence was getting. I remember having to remove work outfits as soon as possible when getting home. I remember trying to keep the ickiness of the infection under control. I remember trying to keep it hidden while at work and to avoid it affecting my performance there.

And then I think – I’m now far more healthy than I was then. I’m getting the most important birthday present anybody can get – my health.

And that’s far more valuable than anything monetary or material. Although hugs would be awesome too.

Cakes tomorrow ! I have a visit to the contractor’s place but on the way back, cakes will be acquired for work.

PS I also have to thank everyone who’s been giving me support (or just treating me normally) when I’ve been down.
PS2 Trolling contractors is far too amusing.

Apologies in advance cos this is gonna be a scattergun post 🙂

Headed up to the Mall again tonight. Just … felt the urge to wander. Plus there’s a kinda novelty back to it now.

I’m not totally healed up yet but I’m hugely improved from where I was just 2 weeks ago. That’s best summed up as “wretched”. The thing that was consistently dominating my thoughts was “must get home, must get the self-treatment done”. I’ll spare you the icky details but heading out for a Mall run was the farthest thing from my mind. I missed a few leaving do-s in town (including the original Finance Angel’s one) because my skin condition was quite frankly, embarassing.

Most medical conditions can be hidden away. People either fight through exhaustion, mask depression, conceal illness or isolate their sneezes at home. Skin conditions are different. There’s an intense feeling of embarassment associated with it. It’s out there on the surface to be seen by all. With me, it was under my right eye and on my ears. It was also on my arms and legs. A skin thing is something that makes you want to hide away, not due to fear of infecting people but due to knowing how icky it is.

Waaaaait – Post Derailment Alarm triggered !

Things have much improved now, to the point where I can quite happily head off to the Mall on a whim for a wander.

It’s kinda dangerous though, because I haven’t bought myself much yet for my birthday. Ok, so I did pick up the Space Above And Beyond series from Play.com (ultra low price – had to). I’ve not bought anything major though.

One big thing from tonight : “Smile and the world will smile back at you”

I’ve been having pretty ladies smile at me. Not sure why. Perhaps it’s because I look like a human again and not someone you see on those disease outbreak movies. I caught one of the girls in HMV looking at me (she was on till and bored cos no-one was buying anything) and sending a smile my way. So she got the Big Grin ™ when I spotted her.

Been getting lots of opportunities tonight to use that Big Grin. Wonder if it’s down to what’s working out as a Wolf Man look. My hair’s about as long it has been right now, plus I’ve joined in with the Movember thing.

Maybe I should keep the moustache ? 🙂 🙂 🙂

Hey – spending money. I have 2 big items on my I Want List at the moment :

iPhone 5 – I’m definitely thinking about pensioning off my current phone and the iPhone 5 is very tempting. Especially as I’m already locked into iTunes. But … £269 up front and £15 more a month than my current contract … not so tempting.

Steering wheel for PC – This is being held off at the moment more from people not wanting to sell me one than it is from me procrastinating too much. With these, you have to spend a certain amount or what you buy breaks within a couple of months. But … the various techie shops at the Mall don’t appear to want to sell the next tier up. I may get one eventually, although I don’t actually have anything to race with one yet.

I feel the Need For Speed again. Forza scratched that itch for a while but the Xbox360 platform is getting very archaic now.

So – spending big cash tonight : resisted. But – it was good to escape the house for a little while tonight, although I’d kinda like to have tagged along with someone with the excuse of buying them dinner. There’s stuff I need to buy but I just don’t think of looking in the places that sell the stuff I need to buy.

Doctor’s again tomorrow – I’m not completely healed yet but things are improving. I’ll be curious to see what she says.

PS I did buy something at the Mall tonight, collection cd’s from Texas and Johnny Cash have arrived 🙂

I feel I have one of those “must buy widget” obsessions coming on again.

What is it this time ?

A steering wheel. Yes ! A steering wheel. This particular obsession started after watching a Youtube video by the Yogscast, where they were trying out Forza Horizon (racing game). There’s a bit of history to it as well :

In the BBC micro era, I was addicted to a game called Revs. It was a Formula 3 car simulator which was groundbreaking. It dates back to when computers were archaic compared to what they can do now. If I emulated a BBC on a modern PC, it would barely register on the cpu need. I believe Revs became the foundation for the first F1 games on PC.

One of the things distracting me at uni as Need For Speed Hot Pursuit 3, which could get some quite hilarious crashes going. It offered a decent challenge. I didn’t think so much of the Porsche game though or the first Colin McRae rally game.

Games a far more complex these days though, with the simulation going as far as modelling how the wheels go up and down with the suspension. And all sorts of other crazy stuff like that.

When I bought an Xbox a couple of years ago, the game that caught my attention most was Forza 3 (the Xbox’s signature racing game). Dead Space and Halo 2 were boring next to PC shooters and Final Fantasy XIII was a tad meh. But I definitely enjoyed Forza. The controller works well with it, using two analogue triggers for brake and throttle and a joystick for steering.

But – it’s missing something …

The building obsession is with finding a cost effective steering wheel. And I think it’s going to be a PC steering wheel because it’ll be easier to attach it to my desk than to have it on my lap in front of the telly. Plus the PC is far more powerful than the Xbox 360.

There’s a few things to think about though :

Robustness. It’s pointless and frustrating to spend money on something for it to break in a few months. And most of the affordable wheels seem really bad for robustness.
Price. Think I may have to go as high as £70 to get on the bottom rung of acceptable robustness.
Fit. Not sure if this is relevant now, as wheels have been around long enough that they’ve evolved into the ideal.

So there you have it – Value For Money and Robustness > features.

Will I indulge this obsession ? Maybe. It’ll depend on availability as well. I’d likely have to special order a wheel in order to get to a minimum acceptable level. And it’ll depend on being able to get a suitable game to play it on too. I’ve not actually used my new joystick that much, mainly because I haven’t got a good enough game to take advantage of it. (Need to check out Planetside 2 still).

Need to get healthy as well though. The health has improved, people think I look early 30s again plus most of the patches have recovered. There’s still quite a few bad patches though and my ears have definitely not recovered yet. I need to figure out how I can leave them alone more to recover. And I’m back at the doctor’s place on Tuesday too.