Year: 2013

Something I’ve had my eye on for a little while has been the Kerbal Space Program.

I think I’ve mentioned it before a few times but it’s only recently that I’ve opened up my copy and started to play. (Things like another Deus Ex run and not having the mental energy to learn something new have got in the way).

What is the Kerbal Space Program ?

It’s a rocket simulator. You build your own rockets out of snap together bits and pieces, take it to the launchpad and watch it explode. Most of the time. Some of the time, you can try for escaping the orbit of the home planet and attempt to reach its Mun. Or even build huge ships out of multiple component launches and attempt to reach the other planets.

There’s a lot of scope in the “game”. Shouldn’t really call it a game actually. Something as high quality as this is a stellar teaching aid. The building of the rockets is highly simplified and they are very easy to control. You have 3 axes of freedom plus a throttle. There’s a stabilisation module that quickly stops your rocket tumbling out of control, if you’ve added the right bits.

The complication is hidden under the skin, with full physics orbital mechanics modelling at play. Going from Earth to the Moon isn’t just about pointing the rocket at the Moon and throttling up the engines. The Moon will have moved by the time you get there and the course will curve due to all the little bits of gravity in play. KSP fully models all that complication, it lets you know what’s happening and there’s a couple of tutorials that let you know what’s going on.

 

How did my attempts over the weekend go ?

Here’s the first rocket ship attempt :

It’s a fairly standard 2 stage rocket with a command module on top. The first stage has solid rocket boosters surrounding a main engine. The intention is that this stage gets your rocket to orbit. The second stage would then propel the command module to Mun orbit. This was early days so I was just looking to go Mun & back. Nothing fancy like an actual landing …

How did this one go ? It got out of the atmosphere but never made the orbit. It needed more rockets. Actually needs another stage I think.

So – I add more rockets. And …

Oops. Oh well. The little conical thing lying by the side of the support pylons is the command module. It survived ! And half a second before I took that screenie, good old Jeremiah Kerman was going “Let’s do that again!”. I think what I did this time was have the separators (which detach the boosters) firing before the boosters. Cue launching pad fireworks show.

I’m about to head back in again to see if I can make a working Mun rocket (without resorting to the wiki crib sheet!). But … something like this can’t really be described in words, so here’s a Youtube video with someone talking you through the pictures.

I went laptop scouting again after work today.

I’m not really seriously looking at another laptop yet, although if the right deal appears I’ll consider it. But I would like to see what’s available out there. To be honest, while the current crop of laptops exhibit their own brand of shininess, they’ve lost something.

10-15 years ago, laptops used to make a big thing out of flexibility. They’d be built around modular bays which could hold cd drives, floppy drives, batteries, hard discs. If you didn’t need the cd, you could swap it out for a spare battery. They were based on Windows XP, which is still the best OS Microshaft have come out with.

It used to be fairly easy to get to expansion ports to add memory or functionality like Bluetooth, even if that tended to be frustrated by manufacturers filling up all the slots before you bought the machine. The key thing is that you would be allowed into your device in order to improve it.

That modularity is all gone now.

If I look at the Acer manufacturer site or at Dell, I can’t check whether there’s a spare slot for something like a PCIe or mSATA card. What I would like to do is to buy the cheapest laptop I can find which meets the minimum spec. It’s really not worth spending the extra cash on functionality you don’t need and performance is a red herring. Save your cash for things like really matter.

Aside – I would say “like Pick N Mix” there – but that’s an indulgence that I’ve had to ban myself from :-(. Even though the shop is still extremely tempting.

Where was I ? I’d like to buy my cheap laptop and add one of these to it : Little Crucial SSD drive. The idea is that the Little SSD drive sits between the laptop and the big hard disc with everything on it. It stores the most used bits and pieces. So the bits that make Windows go would be on it, Outlook and Skype (bleh) would be on it, the iTunes application and Firefox would be on it but the individual files of the massive music library wouldn’t be used enough.

What does that actually achieve ? It speeds up a machine considerably. A curse of Microshaft systems since Vista got inflicted on us is a crippling of the disc interface. Windows became Windoze as we had to wait for the hard disc all the time. The Little SSD drive (on newer systems) cuts out that wait time totally. Some laptops, like my mum’s, have one already.

So that’s what I’d like to do – take a cheap laptop and turn it into something that flies.

However – I’m frustrated by :
Acer’s website not letting you compare models easily and without clicking on each one (Dell’s is like that too)
Not having a clue whether the expansion capability is part of the laptop

Not got enough intelligence to answer that question at the moment. It’s not a question you could ask in store either, because the most informative answer you’d get is a blank look. Unless it’s PC World where you’d get a “sure it can, you wanna have fries with that too ?”

Bit of sun,

Bit of warmth,

Lots of fresh air,

It can really make you feel so much better.

Played cricket again tonight 🙂 This time it was an away game at a ground I’ve not been to before. It’s out in the country, so no red buildings to lose sight of the ball in. There was also a clubhouse, that’s rarer than you think and almost unheard of at urban grounds because the vandals burn them down. This was happily out of their range though.

To be honest, I didn’t enjoy the first two games of this season. It was so cold that my muscles never warmed up, so I was a Petecicle out in the field. Could barely move. And for someone who’s used to being Zebedee on the field, that’s incredibly frustrating.

Tonight was far better. I was able to keep legging it around, poaching some fielding from other players on the team. That kind of thing can work out well for you, the batsmen stopped thinking about runs when the ball was in my fielding arc. They were believing the “he looks fast, maybe he’s actually does some good, let’s not take him on”.

It helped us keep the scoring tight, although the ground helped more there. The wicket was awkward to score on plus I’m sure that at least once, a hand reached up from under the grass and went “Ball ? you’re going nowhere”. Lots of shots were stopping short of the fence.

How’d I do tonight ?

I really enjoyed it. I dropped one definite catch (need new glasses) but took another catch. I technically had a chance for another catch but it would have been Catch Of The Season material. It was hit powerfully and was in my reach down to my left. If I’d got a paw there, I’d have been fingertips in the grass while catching the ball. But … it was in my reach so I consider it a chance, even if County standard cricketers (who practice) would have thought themselves lucky to catch it.

I’m quite self criticizing in the field. If the ball is in my reach, I think I should be stopping it despite being a lot slower than I was even just a couple of years ago. I think I should be taking all the catching chances too. I need new glasses for definite there, as depth perception is at about 95%. That’s pretty good but the 5% is the difference between thinking a ball is going to knock your teeth out and that ball actually coming to you much more gently.

We won tonight 🙂

I didn’t need to bat, which I’m quite happy about. If the side wins without me slowing them down, that’s a win for the team. I get my kicks nowadays from pinning my ears back and running Very Fast.

I’ve mostly survived unscathed, with tonight’s damage being :
Calf muscles to monitor (because they were tending towards cramp)
Very sore thumb (hyperextended from a dropped catch)
The usual skin issues (my cricket jumper damaged one of the patches that’s healing slower than the rest)
And there were a few things from the fielding that I need to improve – getting to the ball is one thing, you actually have to get a good release on it too to save runs. I got one threatening release away, which may have got a run out, but that was messed up by our keeper. Ho hum.

But yeah – that’s another game played in a period where just 2 months ago, I’d pretty much given up on having the chance.

Or the credit card at least.

Thinking about spending cash again … This time it would be on a laptop because mine has been suffering almost as much as me from my skin condition. Plus I think recent software updates courtesy of Microsoft being idiots and destroying their own software have led to both laptop and desktop being less stable.

What’s the most important thing to consider buying computer hardware ? You’ll be surprised at my opinion there :

Processor – not relevant. Whatever you get now will be superpowered compared to what you had before and you just won’t use it. My next laptop will have more processing power than my gaming desktop (cos you can’t buy less now) but I’ll only use it for web browsing, iTunes streaming, Skype (bleh), email and a few other low requirement things. The hardest thing that it’ll be used for is TV on Demand streaming – that’s too intensive for my current laptop.

Memory – minimum of 4GB now because of Microsoft being unable to write efficient software.

Disc – in a desktop you can play a bit but there isn’t the space in a laptop to fit the 2 drives that make this desktop go Very Fast. My mum’s new Acer has 2 drives (and flies) but that comes at a cost. You’re better off not paying the premium.

Graphics – as long as it can play HD video, fine. Gaming with complex 3d graphics is something that laptops shouldn’t have to be subjected to. That said, my next laptop may be subjected to a little Defense Grid.

So that’s the major performance things marked as – Irrelevant, ignorable, too much compromise and “limited is fine”.

What is the thing to think about most when buying computer kit ?

Time. Definitely time.

Computer kit has a tendency to operate in stages. There are 3 major manufacturers out there who set the tone for the most expensive bits of a PC. Intel make almost all the processors that get sold. nVidia make high end graphics cards. AMD make an effort at keeping Intel honest with processors (and by doing so, drive Intel to keep their development going) and since acquiring ATI, they make high end graphics bits too.

Most of the kit we get is based off the same design. This desktop has an i5-2500K and the only difference between that and the more expensive i7-2700K was that the i7 had a few performance widgets turned on. They’d be present in my i5 chip, just not turned on (that bit of the chip probably failed tests).

It’s similar with graphics. One card may have the same processor design as the next one up in the range, just that 1/8 of the processor is disabled. Possibly for the same reason as before, that bit of the chip failed the testing.

The key is that Design Stage. It tends to operate in steps and we’re seeing two steps coming imminently :

Graphics – there’s a new nVidia design coming out, the 770 and 780 cards. That’s 2 generations ahead of what I have, so my curiosity is sitting up and paying attention. The curiosity goes back to sleep though when it sees benchmarks that don’t show it to be significantly better than the last generation. It’s also cost prohibitive.

Intel chips – there’s a new one coming … These tend to be faster and cooler than what came before. Both things which count as Very Good Things with PCs. I believe the new one is called Haswell and is coming out within a month, although I haven’t caught any good articles about what it is yet. Here’s a Tomshardware article on it.

Ok – your techie alarm went off ages ago and you’re asking “Relevance ?”

Everybody wants the latest shiny. The retailers want the latest shiny on their shelves. However … the retailers also want to get what they have now off their shelves to make room for the new stuff.

This can be a good time to buy. However … Remember the following :

Procrastination can be a good thing. If you don’t need to buy now, wait for better kit and better deals.
It’s not in a retailer’s interest to tell you that you could buy better in a month. They want your money now.
Before a design change step, retailers want you to buy stuff they don’t want to return later and will try to entice you in with deals.
But – what’s left on the shelf is what noone else wanted to buy.
Don’t jump for any old thing, keep your quality control (see end).
A new generation tends to come with bugs … beware.

Only buy if you think you’re getting value.

Ok – all that said, what am I currently looking at ? I have 3 requirements :
Made by Acer – because the family has owned a string of them and they have (mostly!) survived. The only casualties were my mum’s which broke the power connector and my dad’s which had a critical software failure. We could possibly have rebuilt it, given time … but we don’t get that much time to visit. And it was coming up to his birthday anyway – lol.
Touchscreen – yeah, it’s a gimmick and I won’t use it much but. It’s SHINY !!!!!
At least 15″ screen – I like my 17″ Acer but somehow I don’t think fashion will let me get a 17″ touchscreen because fashion doesn’t like massive laptops.

I have my eye on something like : Acer Aspire V5-531P (Amazon link). But I’ll keep my options open. Acer have a few interesting designs coming – I’d avoid getting a separate tablet (I don’t see the purpose) but if my next laptop could become a tablet, I’d be interested. I’d use the tablet mode for web browsing and other “sit and watch it” activities but not for writing blog posts.

Warning – This post is in huge danger of going off at a tangent.

And it wouldn’t be a good one – I try to avoid negative thoughts because they tend to be very self reinforcing. My own state tends to work like that, people with depressive tendencies will recognise it too. The particular negative this time around isn’t something I’d want to put here anyway, it’s an over a coffee thing to people I trust completely (and I can only think of 4 people I’d count there).

Where’s the memories coming from this time ? These go back 30 years !

And they’re actually mostly good ones.

I’ve been watching the Superman movies again. It’s partly in anticipation of the new one coming, I have mixed expectations there as most of the remakes to come out lately have been ok. There have been stinkers like Total Recall but that didn’t have great material to work off in the first place. I’m on the third at the moment.

Christopher Reeve’s defining role will always be Superman, although he did massive things for disability later in life. It’s a shame his accident left him the way it did and took him from us much earlier than it should have. We’ll always remember him as Superman. And the defining memory there will be of the flight with Lois Lane in the first movie.

Superman 1 – great movie. The effects are looking incredibly dated and the Luthorian sidekick was appalling but it’s still very watchable today.
Superman 2 – follows straight on from the first and it’s still pretty good. It’s a more serious movie than the first, although it still has its lighthearted moments. Still an excellent movie, I enjoyed this one again the other day.

Superman 3 – oh dear. There’s lots of series I enjoy but there’s some where I avoid watching or reading bits of them again :
Star Trek V The Final Frontier
Lord of the Rings where Frodo & Sam are in the Marshes (depressing)
Star Wars books by Kevin J Anderson
Formula 1 in the ITV years
Doctor Who in the Sylvester McCoy years
Any Transformers movie done by Michael Bay
Stargate SG-1 seasons 9 and 10 (maybe – they have their moments, like all the ones with Claudia Black)
You get the picture. Superman 3 has its moments but right from the start, it goes for sad attempts at slapstick humour which really don’t work. They insult the viewer. Richard Pryor is a great actor but is wasted here. Lois Lane is criminally underused. The script is appalling.

It’s just a really bad movie – a product of its time. And when I do the box set thing again, I’ll most likely skip it.

Talking of a product of its time – Superman IV was born in the era where we’d finally got our leaders to listen and reduce the nuclear weapon stockpiles. I’ve only seen this one once, so I’ll be curious about watching it again.

Superman Returns makes up the last of the box set, with Brandon Routh being an excellent stand in for the original legend. This one’s a great movie too, I’ll be looking forward to watching it again.

Where’s the dim and distant memory come in ?

My cinema going habit started early. And then it had a massive break. I went to primary school over in Northern Ireland, which was great. The school was excellent and got me a couple of years ahead of where the equivalent school in England was. But we came back (followed the work) when I switched from primary to secondary school.

One thing Ireland had was a good cinema … My dad took me to see films like E.T. and Return Of The Jedi. This was at a time when Star Wars movies were a staple event of Xmas and Empire Strikes Back had just started showing on telly. I think it was before VCRs too (maybe).

One of those films was Superman 3. Strangely, I can’t remember it being as bad as it actually is. I suspect my 9 year old brain was doing a lot of filtering …

The important thing is – my dad took me to see it. I wonder where that tendency I have of not wanting to see films at the cinema on my own came from ? Oh – one reason why we stopped going to the cinema in England was that the local cinema was a hicksville type that got its movies 6 months after the rest of the world. You could watch some off video (rented from Blockbuster!) before they got to our cinema.

PS Still wouldn’t mind seeing Iron Man 3 again.

Car service today, which means a trip up to Cheltenham to the garage.

One immediate difference between Lexus and Carcraft is the level of customer service. Lexus actively charm you into wanting you to buy from them. It starts from the front desk and goes right on through into the cars. Carcraft are a completely different thing – they assume desperation on the part of the buyer and use it to rope you into things you don’t really need or aren’t ideal.

An example :

I bought a servicing package from Carcraft because it would save me money over 3 years. Yeah, it saved me money but I did get exactly what I paid for. Cheap servicing which wasn’t in line with manufacturer instructions. The Lexus servicing cost is in line with what you’d expect for a dealership, it cost me £250 today for a 20,000 mile service. Ok, that might be a little more than average (I dunno, not checked 🙂 ) but you are definitely paying for quality.

Another massive customer service difference between Carcraft and Lexus was in the courtesy car. When my Focus was in for a repair that took an extended amount of time, I repeatedly asked for a courtesy car and was refused each time. That’s despite them having a warehouse full of cars for sale. Yeah, I could have a test drive in any of them but borrow one as a courtesy car ? Nope – that wouldn’t directly lead to a sale.

Lexus today – I hadn’t asked for a courtesy car (Plan A was to sit in the showroom and attack a book for a few hours) but I got one anyway :-).

Here comes the undercover thing …

It’s tough to be undercover and discreet when you’re driving an advert on wheels. Lol. I’m not complaining actually, I think they’re great cars and more people should have them. My CT was a loan car/demonstrator for the 6 months before I got it too. Buying ex-demo isn’t necessarily a bad thing, although you should look out for idiot marks, like fingerprints on a screen that doesn’t support touch.

So I’m off advertising Lexus around Cheltenham.

Quick aside – I’m currently starving and waiting for dinner to burn while watching the pilot episode of Rizzoli and Isles. Yeah, I’m gonna keep watching this one, it makes me chuckle.

I was a bit disappointed actually in Cheltenham. I didn’t find any quality record shops, although there was a couple of bookshops to lose myself in for a bit. Nothing on the scale of all those towns in Cornwall that we may be frequenting later in the year.

However – it did bring back memories. I had a 3 month placement there with work, which was great. I felt like I was getting a heap of stuff done, plus there was a darned attractive lady working there who laughed at my jokes. (Even believing Smoke Theory). I spotted :

The apartment block where a great mate from uni used to live (aka Widget)
The kebab shop (where they recognised me – what is it with that ?)
And some of the shops I used to haunt after work (they were walkable from my digs)

I’ve improved today too 🙂 I wouldn’t have passed myself fit to play tonight (match cancelled due to lack of players) But maybe in a couple of days. That is if the rest of me agrees. Pain level = high right now. That’s partly because of the cold – and if my skin improves, then I can fight the cold better :-).

That’s it for today – there’s a picture of that garish advert on wheels (it’s actually worse than mine was) on my Facebook account, I’m not going to repost it here because it has a registration plate and I don’t want to put the next private owner of it in an uncomfortable position.

Last thought – I definitely missed the toys when I had the loan car – no satnav/computer and the radio wasn’t configured to listen to my phone’s bluetooth.

I should have been playing cricket yesterday …

I’m involved in two evening cricket teams at the moment, although I’m at “making up the numbers” status. Cricket’s quite frustrating at the moment because :

Can’t throw
Can’t bowl
No batting technique (it’s hiding due to lack of practice)
Slow legs

And that’s when I’m actually intact enough to play. I let the captain of one team know on Friday that I’d got a bit torn up and was doubtful for Tuesday, this was when he was letting me know that he’d probably need me for the game.

That’s where the making up the numbers comes in. If the team’s short, I’ll turn up and play. Like a couple of years ago, I’ll even play when hobbling due to torn groin muscles or heavily bruised legs. Hell, I even put dislocated thumbs back in on the field (wicket keeping injury) and kept playing. There’s not much that’ll keep me off the field if the team needs me, I’ve only had to leave the field twice :

Nose Job Number 1 (being hit in the eye by the ball)
A couple of heavy hits to my knees

The knee one was when I played for the village side, I got hit twice heavily on my right knee when I wasn’t wearing the padding I see as essential now. My legs were pretty stunned from that, couldn’t put power through the leg. But I was back on the field again after getting my knee pads on. Oh – I’ve also retired hurt once, after getting hit on the legs again. But that was more because I was scoring slower than a sleeping turtle and my side was losing.

I think I’ve picked up on another thing I have to avoid at all costs.

Pick N Mix.

I’d been recovering quite nicely, enough to be able to play two games. However, I barely made that second game and my condition the day after was … poor. And that decline continued with me scratching my head wondering what I’d come into contact with that caused the decline. I think it’s Pick N Mix, I picked up some on Tuesday at the Mall having had the rare chance to have the car in work. That was fortuitous because I also needed more jeans – I can get those from Matalan, which is within walking distance … but I suspect I react to their dyes.

So – Pick N Mix lasted a few days. And I seem to have improved since it ran out. I’ll just avoid it for a little while, there’s all sorts of strange things that’ll go into Pick N Mix stuff.

Anyway – enough of the gross stuff. I’ve improved overnight and over today and if it continues, I’d be intact enough for a game scheduled for tomorrow.

If the game actually happens that is. I phoned one captain up yesterday to let him know that I was too shredded for last night’s game, which turned out academic because Summer’s been and gone here just like last year. We’ve had days of continuous rain. I suspect we’ve had enough rain today that tomorrow’s game is doubtful.

What have I been doing over the holiday ?

It’s been a little strange and restless. I’d usually mark the beginning of a holiday period with a run to the places where pizzas grow. This time though, I’ve been hiding because of those unhealthy legs. It was just tonight where they’d improved enough for me to head out. Actually, Friday was ok too but I still had a bit of that Pick N Mix left to gobble. And when I say Ok, that’s like someone saying they’re just fine when they can only move with the aid of a walking stick. Cos I’m like that.

Restless ?

I’ve always been someone who needs to divide their attention up between different things. Like at the moment, I’m keeping a loose eye on the TV news while writing this, thinking about a bit of pooter management, listening to music (Life by The Cardigans). But … I seem unable at the moment to totally devote my attention to one single thing. And that would be reaaaaally useful as it would distract me away from “helping” (translation – poking and making it worse) my legs to recover.

I’ve bene having trouble focusing on one thing to keep my attention. I’ve been bouncing from game to game, only settling on :

Defense Grid – because certain levels I can leave running after an initial set up
Endless Space – space game which is Bad but is newer than …
Master of Orion 2 – I keep going back to this 🙂

I have a tonne of others which I’ve barely touched since I got them. And that’s like – 30 minutes played according to Steam.

Need something to get my teeth into ! Or someone – oo-er. Tomorrow will be different, I’ll be on the road to get the car serviced. Which could either be me sitting in the garage waiting for them to get the job done (new book by Jack Campbell to keep me busy!) or me wandering around Cheltenham for a little while.

For now though – it’s back to another run through Deus Ex Human Revolution, or perhaps a nostalgia soaked trip back to the original Neverwinter game … (yep – there’s a new Neverwinter Nights game – I’m avoiding it).

Musical accompaniment ? For now : Fine by The Cardigans. Happy songs 🙂 It’s from before The Cardigans turned quite dark … Life’s a bouncier, happier album than the rest of their’s.

First day of leave today

Yey !

Plan A was to chill out in front of the cricket, however the weather in Leeds intervened and there was no play at all today. What to do … what to do …

Partly inspired by needing to top up the supplies (ok, the cupboards were bare and I was down to my last packet of biscuits), Plan B was to head into Bristol centre for a wander around. Wandering the shops usually involves lurking in record shops for way too long and book shops until I get bored (which isn’t too long seeing as the local book shops aren’t great now).

Oh – did I mention I was on leave ? I needed a break and I’ll be away from work until Monday 3rd. I’m hoping for some good R&R, although my legs are slightly torn up again. It’s not serious, at least it’s not nearly as serious as a month ago. They’ve just been objecting to one of my stress reactions, which hasn’t been helping.

Back to the shopping. We have 2 reputable record shops in Bristol now (are there more ? tell me if there are!), Head and HMV. Ok, HMV have their own problems with customer disservice but they’re what we have available as competition, which actually kept them honest, went bust in our recession. Head were the place I went in first, they’re a bit cheaper. I wouldn’t buy any blurays from them though as they sell discs that are exrental and marked “not for retail”. Better not tell the law.

I ended up spending a bit of cash in Head, there was a favourable 3 for £10 offer plus I’m checking out soe Daft Punk. What did I get ?

3 for £10 was :
Bjork – Homogenic
Enigma – Le Roi Est Mort …
R.E.M. – Automatic For The People
£1 – Jan Hammer – Best of Miami Vice
£5 – Daft Punk – Discovery

I’ve always enjoyed Bjork’s not-quite-sane vocals and Enigma’s atmospherics. I’ve managed to not have any R.E.M. for far too long. Jan Hammer’s Miami Vice soundtracks were incredible moody instrumentals. And I enjoyed Daft Punk’s soundtrack to Tron Legacy. Oh – Daft Punk were playing over the tannoy too, which probably saw me staying in that shop longer than I otherwise would have. But it gave me an excuse to make the check out girl giggle when I said, on her spotting the Daft Punk, that I’d been beaten into submission by the album playing over the tannoy.

Next door was Waterstones. I’m kinda surprised we still have bookstores. The online sellers blow them away on stock, value and offers. In the Mall, the Buy One Get One Half Price offer included the latest Jack Campbell but not David Brin. In the centre, it included the David Brin but not the Jack Campbell. I’d already ordered it off Amazon anyway.

Never read anything by David Brin. Always been interested, never bought the books.

Bit more wandering, bit more being disappointed by the prices in HMV. Since Virgin/Zavvi went bust, they’ve had no competition to encourage lower prices. Hunger saw me making a beeline for lunch. I’m getting to be a fan of Soho Coffee Co. Good coffee, edible food. And … today ? Great music too. And I coulda sworn someone was checking me out from another table. Wishful thinking perhaps :-).

I have an app on my iPhone called Shazaam, which listens to what’s playing and tells you what it is. I use it in two cases : “What the hell is this awful rubbish so I can avoid it ?” and “OMG This is awesome and I have to buy it”. Well, the second of those today was by Caro Emerald playing in the coffee shop.

And … HMV were asking too much so it got acquired as soon as I got home.

Before I close – Supermarket was done on the way home and … who do I spot ? Superspy ! This was a fella who worked with us for far too many years before taking a well earned retirement. He worked in our registry section and would have done anything for anybody. Great guy. I was in the queue when I spotted him, so I couldn’t chase him down and say hello.

Ah well.

On the whole, good day today. There was no play in the cricket but that spurred me to get those supplies. Being serious (for a change), I needed bread, apples and some other proper supplies. Can’t rely on teacakes for breakfast while you’re on leave …

Looking forward to the next week.

I did something I very rarely do tonight …

I actually showed signs of frustration to the outside world. I don’t like to do that, because it’s a sign that what’s causing the frustration is getting the better of you. That’s whether it’s work stuff, play stuff or your own condition not being what you would want it to be.

Tonight, it’s me not being able to take as full a part in the game as I’d like to.

Oh – before I really dive in, the treatment I use is to get away from people for a while. I’ll be chilling out next week with a week off work. My frustration tends to be born out of tiredness and it’s time I had a decent break. Hopefully next week will fit that, previous breaks have been dominated by needing to monitor my skin condition a bit too much.

But I’m still up for that Iron Man 3 seeing 😉 And I may well watch Star Trek Into Darkness again. Maybe when I wander around Bristol centre again, which will happen soon. Maybe Friday if there’s rain at the cricket.

Back to tonight. Why the frustration ?

I’m getting older and time is starting to win that particular battle … I can still run but hip damage (brought on by managing the skin condition) is really starting to cut into the speed I have available. That’s new, as it always used to just affect turning. Now it’s getting rather more debilitating.

The other frustration is my shoulder. I have about 95% movement in it, enough for doing anything except throwing and bowling (For some “bowlers”, it’s the same!). I don’t want to have the surgery it probably needs in case I lose some of the 95% movement I still have. But … that 5% means I have zero power in my throw, so runs were coming off my fielding that shouldn’t have been allowed. I fielded reasonably cleanly apart from that.

Bowling is frustrating too. We’re light on bowlers this year (light on players too) so it’s frustrating not being able to contribute there. That’s coming from being a super reliable front line bowler before my shoulder froze up from lack of use.

Ok.

Very frustrating yeah.

However …

Word from the other skipper was that my fielding was apparently better than last week, when I was struggling to keep my feet planted (drier conditions tonight, lots of sun). Better preparation meant my leg muscles didn’t try and explode (they turned to stone instead with the cold – lol).

And … I remember that a month ago, I’d written off playing for at least half the season because when I ran up the stairs, the skin on my legs would split. Much better now. Not perfect but far better than I was.

All that frustration had melted away by the time the game finished (we batted second, fielding first) as I steadily realised that my team mates weren’t blaming for being inept but were happy to have me around, whatever the level of play I can contribute.

That level is just far lower than I remember being able to put in, which is why I get the frustration.

Oh – and if you are manic/depressive/bipolar like I tend to (I recognise the symptoms in me but they are light and managed by me grinning at everyone, even in my blackest moods), try to focus on the positive. So for me tonight :

Bad – Acceptance that I’m getting old and slower.
Good – Remembering that my skin improved so remarkably that it’s allowed me to play.

Muahaha

Just pray they don’t look at the internet history.