Year: 2013

Haha – it can be great fun sometimes trying to predict what they're going to do.

Always doomed but usually amusing.

Oh, I gave up trying to understand women a *long* time ago. It's just not worth the effort or the heartache.

But not even acknowledging your existence kinda stinks…

I often write about getting Big Grins from people.

Even random people. They’ll spot my weird grin, possibly see me catching their eye and they can’t help themselves but grin back. I like my grin. It cheers people up.

But not everyone …

My last ex, Ravenwolf, works in the same set of buildings as me. She actually works in a similar line of business looking after similar kit, although there’s a world of difference between what I do and what she does. (I’m there to contribute brainpower).

Ravenwolf never smiles back, she barely acknowledges my presence now. That gets me wondering : “What did I do that was so bad that she hates me that much ?”

I dunno.

I believe the break up was fairly clean, although it took longer than both of us wanted to settle accounts (naughtiness from a solicitor who wanted to take business to his new practice). There was a small matter of house equity to split up. I think she wanted me out of the house. But I didn’t want to move, so I bought her out. Yes, I’ve never mentioned it here before, not mentioned it to many people but Ravenwolf walked out of that relationship with a lot of cash. A serious amount of cash. The house had gained enough equity that it was a 5 figure sum.

That was all she cared about, apparently. Getting the settlement. She also walked straight into another relationship which I suspect started a few months before the actual break up. I could never prove that so I never made an issue of it. But I still had my suspicions.

I was similarly angry for such a long time, before dismissing that anger to the place it belongs – not my head. Grudges are a cancer on the soul. They do nasty things to you. They twist you up and eat you from the inside. I have to admit that I’m no angel there but I’ve managed to put this particular hate/grudge to rest.

It really confuses me when people react the negative way. Perhaps the hate has become so much of a habit that she can’t see the good. I like to think I helped her out over the years we were together, although I do know she was sinking deeper into a depression that I didn’t know how to fix.

I have a strange type of empathy, I pick up on what other people are feeling. Sometimes it hits me like an actual blow. Like when someone I care about is hurting that bad, I pick up on it and feel sick to my stomach and I nearly get the tears too.

Other times I’ve had too much coffee and am bouncing off the walls so much I can’t detect any glimmer of it. Then I say completely the wrong thing and upset people. Sorry !

But it did upset me a bit when Ravenwolf and I were waiting in the sandwich queue. I know she could see me but there was no glimmer of a wave or anything resembling friendship or even basic recognition. Come on – she got a clean break with the settlement she wanted and I left her alone after. What’s to be upset about after 8 years.

Life is too short to keep enemies that don’t need to be in that hostile group. That’s the philosophy I applied to her new bloke, who plays for the cricket team I’m avoiding next year (they don’t look after players). I think it shocked him when I took up our cricket based friendship without skipping a beat. Admittedly, I’d had 3 years out of the team to cool down ;-).

I do think my own reasons for agreeing to the split were correct. I was shocked but I too was looking for a graceful way out. I couldn’t see a future in the relationship. I was needing to use my diplomatic skills rather too much to cover up for the partner. And I was running out of ideas for how to keep her out of her depression.

And most important – you have no right to force someone to stay with you against their will. That’s ultimate cruelty.

I’ll leave it there with me knowing that my own conscience is clear and it’s not the reason I’m losing sleep at the moment … (attempt at doctor visit coming again tomorrow)

PS There was compensation for not getting the grin from Ravenwolf. The Judge visited our place today and I got a Huge Smile from her. She was jealous of my hat (it was raining). I suspect a hug may have been coming if she hadn’t been rushing for the train …

Ok,

Been toying with this idea for a while and someone at work prompted me into it by telling me how much one of their contacts pays for his laptops (£7000 each …). How much could you actually spend on a desktop PC ? I’ll take it back to the real world at the end.

I’m setting three rules for this one :
Everything has to go into just the one box
It has to be air cooled*
Bits that don’t really contribute anything get left out

*Water cooling is a genuine option for PCs these days (and I’d like to see it come back for the kit we buy at work too!) but for domestic PCs, I think it’s more trouble than it’s worth. It still needs fans, it needs a pump. Expensive air cooling can still do a similar job.

All these prices come from Novatech UK. I trust these guys, they’re cheap, have a good range and most important, they’re just down the road from where I live.

Before going into the gubbinsy bits, every PC is built on a foundation. The box has to be big enough to fit everything with lots of room for cooling air to get around it. The power supply has to be meaty enough to do the job.

Foundation –
Case : Zalman Z11 Plus : £53
Cooling : Zalman CNPS12X Ultimate Performance : £66
(honestly, a cooler that costs more than the box is Silly – £40-£45 is a target price for a cooler, just make sure it has a BIG fan. Big fan = slow fan = peace & quiet)
Optical drive : Pioneer blu ray writer : £62
Power supply : Corsair Professional AX1200i : £269
Total – £335

I like Zalman bits. I’ve used them for a long series of desktop PCs. Never used one of their cases though. The power supply is incredibly silly but the most important rule in PC building is : “Never, ever skimp on the power supply”. The power supply has to be strong enough to support what you put in the box, plus it has to be resilient enough to not break anything else if it goes bang. This is critical again, one of my older boxes had a power supply expire, which took the cd drive and sound card with it and damaged the hard disc.

I’ve chosen Corsair because of more brand loyalty, my current desktop has a 600W Corsair psu which hasn’t missed a beat. However, I’d be very wary about putting a second graphics card in the machine, I’m not sure if 600W is beefy enough for that. It would cost a more reasonable £60 today, rather than the £270 which is more expensive than a cheap laptop.

Engine –
Motherboard : Gigabyte G1.Sniper Z87 board : £360
(target price for a motherboard is £100 – £150 but … this is a Silly PC!)
Memory : G.Skill 32GB (4x8GB) DDR3-PC19200 : £256
Processor : Intel i7-4770k : £270
Graphics : 2x EVGA GeForce GTX780 : 2x £570

Total : £2026

The “engine” is where the most component selection mistakes happen. The motherboard is the core of the “engine”, with everything slotting into it. So a Socket 1150 board will take an Intel “Haswell” i3/5/7-4000 series chip but will not take the older Socket 1155 “Sandy Bridge” chip I have in my desktop. They’re based around a “chipset”, which is code for the glue that connects everything together. I couldn’t go brand loyalty again here (no Asrock in the Novatech list), so it’s a Gigabyte board.

And they take specific types of memory. I couldn’t put the memory from my current desktop into my old desktop, it wouldn’t fit in the socket. Here it’s “DDR3”, with that PC19200 saying how fast it can go. This is silly time again, as you only use that kind of speed if you’re burning out the machine trying to run it far past the design specs. 32GB of PC12800 DDR3 costs £204. Curious … memory has got more expensive …

Storage :
SSD : 2x Crucial M500 : 960GB : 2x £470
Yes. You can get solid state device drives with almost 1TB. That’s Nuts.
Bulk storage : 2x Hitachi Deskstar 4TB : 2x 165
Chose the Hitachi because it has the highest rpm. This means a faster data rate and less time to find what you want on it.

Total : £1270

The drives are in pairs to take advantage of something called RAID (Redundant Array of Independent Discs). The setup I’d use is RAID 1 for the SSDs and a separate RAID 1 again for the bulk storage. What RAID 1 does is have both drives containing exactly the same thing. So if one drive breaks, you lose nothing.

And … other bits :
Sound card : Creative labs Sound Blaster ZxR – £190
Cos you want those blu-rays sounding crisp and the only extra noise you want to hear from the gaming is the fans inside the case. Normally, I wouldn’t consider adding a sound card to what’s in the motherboard but – Silly PC rules.
Centre Monitor : Iiyama 27″ touch screen : £613
Left & Right Monitors : Iiyama 27″ 4k screens : £516

Total : £1835

There’s a 65″ Iiyama monitor in Novatech too but … 65″ is kinda intimidating. I’d have serious feelings of inadequacy if I got something that massive. Plus I’d get a terrible neck ache from looking left and right at it. Seriously though, I tried playing WoW on my 32″ telly and gave up quickly because I couldn’t read the small text at the viewing distance necessary to see the screen properly. 65″ would be incredible for the blurays though.

Extra silliness would come from what people would want to spend on keyboard, mouse, steering wheel, joystick. Those have gone into truly Silly territory these days, to the point where I refuse to replace my aging keyboard and mouse because I know that what’s for sale was 1/10th the price 10 years ago. It’s just been inflated to Fashion Victim price levels.

What’s the total ?

A cool £5466 plus £120 for Windows 8 Pro (Win8 to take advantage of the touchscreen). Hurrah ! I can still break £5000 :-). That’s a very silly price though and a rather silly spec. For a domestic gaming machine, the following wouldn’t break the bank :
i5-4670K, one GeForce 760, 8GB Ram, 128GB SSD + 1TB drives, 23″ monitor. Target price £900

I could have hit £10k+ easily (the 65″ screen costs £3800) but there’s a point where Stupidity overtakes Silly. Like getting entertainment format widescreen monitors for the office. WHY ?

Back to reality …

I’m seriously considering a Macbook for my next laptop. They pretty much meet the important bits of the spec (at least 900 lines and iTunes compatibility) and would let me break from Windows. The one problem is cost. There’s a refurbished Macbook Air with a 256GB hard disc for £870. That would fly … and have enough room for my iTunes library. But it’s double what I wanted to spend.

We shall see. Decisions … decisions …

PS This extended post has happily let me avoid England steadily grinding to a loss (it’s not over yet but … 9 an over to win) in the cricket. And it’s got nothing about my health in it ! I’ve talked too much about that lately.

I had a plan for tonight …

It involved finishing up at work, getting home and ensconcing myself in front of the cricket. It was due to start at 2pm, so I wouldn’t have missed too much of the game. However … British weather intervenes …

Seriously – who would schedule international cricket in England in September ? It’s doomed ! Doomed I tell you ! Oh – this is the same people who scheduled back to back home and away series for England not once (India), not twice (New Zealand) but at least 3 times (Aussie). We want some variation in who we see England play.

At least that insanity breaks up after the Down Under leg of the Ashes tours. But this did tickle my grin :

(apologies if that appears multiple times – Google is throwing a wobbly)

So – no cricket. What was Plan B ?

Well – after a not so good day yesterday, today was a lot better. I managed to leave myself alone and felt a lot better through the day. I still ended up needing to walk with a semi limp to protect the skin around my left knee but … much better today.

Oh – I also had more than my fair share of very fair ladies smiling at me through the day. It’s not just the smiles though, it’s the interaction. We try to look out for the people who pay our wages and we do that by keeping a certain spirit of cooperation going within the team. It’s to make sure we’re in the strongest position to get the most out of our contractors. They do it too.

That’s probably a bit of an unfair statement though, as one aspect I especially concentrate on is to try and break down the barriers between everyone I work with on a project. I want everyone on the same page thinking towards Ultimate Shininess, whether they work for my organisation, my customer or whether they’re the ones delivering to us. We all want Ultimate Shininess but we have different pressures that can get in the way.

Ultimate Shininess is a good thing – but you have to know exactly what you want. It can be something that’s completely ordinary, it can be the best in the world at what it has to do. My Lexus CT is Shiny but there were other Lexus hybrids that were shinier in terms of performance. The GS450h has a 0 to 60 of about 7 seconds. That’s shiny. But the car is also way too expensive to buy and insure and is bigger than what I’m comfortable with. It’s Shiny … but it’s not exactly what I want.

And that sums up the main activity of this evening – looking at laptops (and not buying) again.

It was the last day of the PC World sale tonight, so off I pop for a wander over at the Mall. To be honest, there’s not much I’m looking to buy at the moment. I’ve got the newly released blurays I want, the new albums I want are more than I’d want to pay for them and the laptops don’t fit the requirement.

What am I looking for in a laptop ?

Cost – less than £500. We are getting gouged on prices … the only way to avoid that is to Not Buy.
Screen resolution – at least 900 lines. All the 15″ laptops are 768 lines, which isn’t good enough.
Touchscreen ? don’t care. Don’t think I’d use it enough to justify the price.
Size ? Doesn’t matter as long as the resolution is up to the job. Trouble is, to get 1080p in a 15″ means Apple or a custom build.
Reliability … this is a biggie, it’s why Dell aren’t being considered despite them having a 17″ laptop which is definitely perfect* spec

*(there’s just a small matter of a wifi card with questionable performance and considering that the number 1 job of my laptop is to stream music over wifi to my speakers …)

So – tempting offer but I’ll leave it.

There’s another factor there – so many times we’re convinced into parting with cash when we don’t actually need to. Sale on sir, get it while it’s cheap. Nope. I’ll stick with what I have, it fits what I want better than your sale item and it has more life left in it.

Still. If I see £1 per Wispa Bites packet type sales, you know what’s going to happen. It’s inevitable. And yes, I did empty a shelf of them on Monday. (There were only 4 packets left on the shelf – honest)

Looking forward to a few things now :

Holiday time ! 7 more days of work then it’s off to Devon for a week’s chilling out. Although I may do a work visit on one day because I’ll have a chance to see something that’s Pretty Cool. It’s work related so I can’t say what it is (although I’ll answer on the Facebook link post because that’s locked down).
Listening to the Goldfrapp album, from what I’ve heard so far it’s a good one.
Listening to the Rachel Sermanni album. Ditto. (I cracked cos of getting £2 worth of Amazon credit)
Watching the rest in the Iron Man movie series, Iron Man 3 hasn’t arrived just yet.
The PHO event in October.
Being healthy again – it’s improving, I just have to avoid “helping”.

To close – I ended up in the Apple store for some reason. I was checking out the Macbooks.

Yes. Very Shiny indeed. Also very expensive. I said above : “Cost less than £500”. Macbooks are seriously more expensive, although they do support the primary need that stops me looking to ditch Windows for Linux : iTunes.

Yep.

This one’s all about me again folks.

I’m in that curious place where I’m both feeling worse and better. On the one hand, my muscles are deciding they want to play games with me at every opportunity. Torture games. I’m incredibly prone to cramp right now. An unguarded turn of the shoulders to spot who’s said hello can go from “Hi – arrggg” very quickly.

It’s in my legs too and I was back to having extreme trouble writing things down again today. Yep. The cramp is so bad that I’m having trouble holding a pen. I may try a smaller pen.

So yeah, I’d have every right to be highly miserable right now.

But I’m not. In fact, my core mental state is probably the opposite of miserable. (Probably that manic side of the manic-depressive cycle). I’m enjoying it while it lasts but I do know that it started the upcycle when I started taking the vitamin tablets.

Note for Internet Doctors – taking vitamin tablets does not automatically make you happy. In fact, a good few years ago I was taking multivitamin + Iron tablets and I turned nasty. Personality change over a week of taking them, followed by snapping back to Angel Pete not long after stopping them. No – the happy vitamin time is most likely more due to my body having the materials it needs to repair itself again.

Yep – I should be taking those vitamins through a healthy balanced diet with fruit and veg but … I need that allergy test before I can attempt that, seeing as I’m pretty sure that lettuce (and quite possibly cabbage) caused the allergies to flare up before.

How is that body doing ?

It’s making good progress. The back of my knees are still quite sore but they’re improving too. I just hope that the improvement stays consistent over this week and then we’ll take it from there.

There’s an autoimmune (where the body attacks itself) skin condition out there called Psoriatic Arthritis (PA). I’ve got some friends who suffer from it and a few of the symptoms match. I don’t think I have it. (Phew ! It has very nasty under the surface effects). The symptoms match but the body attacking itself is not an autoimmune thing, it’s more an “honour” thing where I’m the one responsible for causing the damage. And yes, there’s a little voice inside saying “what the HELL are you doing ?” when I’m inflicting that damage.

But my discipline is improving and so is my skin.

If you know anyone with PA, support them. They’re acutely aware of how they look and they’ll be as embarassed as hell about that. And behind how it looks, be aware of how much pain they’re in. The same Nasties that are attacking the outsides are also attacking the insides of the joints. That’s pure pain. And not just any pain, it’s the constant low level pain that steals sleep and the acute sharp pain that comes with moving.

I don’t think I have it and one reason I’m glad about that is the treatment. Not only is it a nasty illness, the treatment is bad too. Our immune systems keep us healthy, some treatments involve wiping out that immune system. Whereas I’ve been able to keep going to work, if I’d had to go that far, I’d have been a virtual prisoner inside the house. And I crave interaction.

Back to happy !!!

Said the person who’s just sung along to River City People’s version of California Dreamin‘ (iTunes semi-random pick!)

Yeah. I’ve been much improved lately. The skin condition is fading back. Some areas are almost repaired again. Long may that trend continue. They’re not totally fixed yet and I won’t be comfortable until they are. But they are genuinely improving.

And my mental state is much improved too. I could do without the cramp. I think that’s me needing to be drinking lots of water to help the skin rebuild – the repairs are getting first pick, leaving the muscles to be thirsty. And my muscles have always hated that.

I’ve been more playful over the emails and over the communicator thingys. Some of the old sparkiness is coming back. It’s been hiding lately. It’s been hiding again but that’s because of sequences like this morning :

Miss G (inspiration lacking for codenames but – she’s one of the cute ones) walks down the floorplate, innocently going past my desk.
I’m on the aisle so Meerkat Tendency makes me look up and grin
Miss G catches the grin and smiles back
Smiles broaden
And it leads to a friendly “wot ?” and me saying “morning” before commencing to hide again behind the monitor

Yep. Katie’s Shy Boy still fits. But I still have that power to make people smile in an answer to my own silly grin.

It’s good to have that grin back. It’s like my own special super power. Everyone has their own special super power, it’s in there even if they don’t know, realise or recognise it. But it’s there.

You all have your own special brand of awesome. Remember that 🙂

(See ? happier frame of mind – I CAN’T HELP IT – sorry)

"Why are all those people bouncing to no particular time ?"

🙂

Last Night of the Proms is *very* British. If you want to understand us Brits I recommend watching it. It'll confuse the hell out of you! [rotflmao]

Couple of things on today :

Strictly Come Dancing is back ! And it’s the Last Night Of The Proms.

I didn’t watch Strictly regularly until last year, when it well and truly caught the attention. There was a good selection of celebrities taking part that year and you genuinely didn’t know who’d win and who’d knock you over (in a good way) on the night. Not so convinced this year, we shall see what we shall see.

They have some marvellous dancers too …

Quote from Yveta : “Music does something special to me, I just have to dance”. Music kinda does something special to me too, I’m always wanting to sing along (but keeping it in check due to ultimate shyness)

The music tends to be pretty good on Strictly. They have a house band for the dancing with guests coming in too. The quality varies somewhat (the house band is good but not great and can butcher some songs). But it definitely has me turning off the TV speakers and routing the audio through my proper hifi.

Noticed that ? I’ve never heard a TV that sounds passable, let alone anywhere near good. But then again, I’ve been spoiled by having proper hifi for many, many years.

This year’s Strictly has Sophie Ellis-Bextor on, who I developed a dislike of when she was more current in the singing business. Not really sure why, as she was very, very good. Great tone and kept the timing. And her “Read My Lips” album is on Amazon for £3.65 with free MP3 download. Don’t mind if I do.

Also means I have an excuse to preorder Goldfrapp’s new album and Iron Man 3.

Still watching Strictly but coming later is an annual event : Last Night of the Proms.

For the uninitiated, this is an unabashed celebration of Britishness. It’s a concert with some of the best of British classical music. It has Jerusalem, it has the Sea Shanties. It has the Pomp and Circumstance marches. And … most important … it has the audience participation.

It’s worth watching and joining in with. It’s silly … and it’s uplifting.

And I’m thoroughly looking forward to it.

How’s me ? I seem to be improving – finally ! There’s still a lot of damage but it seems to be finally repairing (that’ll be the vitamin tablets) I’ve added another thing to my Suspicious Of Allergy list too – bacon flavour crisps. Shame that. I liked those.

I’ve not been back to the doctor for a while. But I’m hoping that when I do (soonish), I can ask for an allergy test with enough of me in factory spec for it to give worthwhile results. Why go back though if my skin is repairing ? I’m having other physical issues which are slowing me down :

Back – is not healthy at the moment.
Shoulder – is more restricted than it was.
Hip – this is the big one, something’s not right in there and can make it painful to walk around.

But as with the rest of it, I’ll see how it goes there and manage it best I can. I’m looking forward to putting the skin condition behind me, although I think I’ll have a lasting legacy of needing to look after it more. It’s being very easy to cause it damage which then takes way too long to heal. I’m still not convinced that some bits actually want to heal. We shall see. If they’re still bad next week, I’ll get them checked out.

Think on that note, check this out : If this ain’t love …

LOL 🙂

I suspended my sense of being offended at the thought of intentionally taking starships into the atmosphere of planets. Things like that are an abomination 😉