Year: 2014

Thank you both !

I have to admit with the picture, I'd just spent an hour and a half under a helmet keeping wicket. So I was gasping for a drink and a lie down !

Nice story!
~

A truly dear story. Great smiley face under your pink hat!

Sometimes I leave lots of days between posts. Sometimes that’s cos I want to give certain people a chance to read the post. Sometimes it’s because I like the top post so much.

I wouldn’t say I enjoyed writing the last post. Enjoy is the wrong word for something that gets close to bringing out the waterworks. But – when a post feels very, very right ? Yeah. I like to leave those as top posts.

But … I like my music posts too and we’re overdue the rest of the L post. (I’m almost into N albums). Where were we ? Ah ha ! Last album was the Lily Was Here soundtrack.

Did I include Norah Jones’ Little Broken Hearts in the L part 1 post ? This one is her latest. Norah’s moving to a more poppy style, which is not a bad thing. She’s still cranking out some cracking tunes. Happy Pills is no exception.

One of my earliest album buys and one of the best was Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. This one has a wide array of varied and incredible songs. My favourite from this album is Happy Phantom although the wonderful Silent All These Years comes close. My voice is nowhere near the quality of this amazing angel of vocals but you can bet I’m belting out the words along with Madame Tori.

Mansun come in with their Little Kix album. Not bad. Bit samey.

If Tori Amos was one of my first albums, All About Eve were the first. And they’ve been a prized part of the collection ever since. They come into L with the Live & Electric album. AAE have had their back catalogue well and truly raided over the years as the label seemed to want to get every last penny out of spanking this horse. Live & Electric is good but there’s not much here that isn’t on the albums. That said, I’ll always stop and listen to tracks like Martha’s Harbour.

My sister has sent me a few highlight tracks from the Radio 1 Live Lounge albums. These have tracks being performed live by assorted artists. These have led to me buying everything that certain artists have come out with. But which artists and which songs ?

Ting Tings – Standing in the way of control
The Hoosiers – Lovestoned (ok, these guys have gone off but this cover is sublime)
Paramore – Love’s Not A Competition
Goldfrapp – It’s Not Over Yet (this song is so good !)
Bat For Lashes – Sweet Dreams

You got it – listing all those was pure excuse for listening to them again !

Next ! I heard about Rodrigo Y Gabriela through their tracks on the Puss In Boots soundtrack (will mention those at P!). Their self titled album is well worth a listen for chilled out rhythm guitar based sounds.

What did Mark Knopfler do after Dire Straits ? Movie soundtracks ! Well, this one actually came early. It’s the magic Local Hero soundtrack and this is the closing theme. It’s a movie about a city boy come to check out a remote Scottish town for oil. And he falls in love with the place and its people. Must watch it again.

EXCITED ! Next up, possibly the best album in my collection. Oh wait, that might be Super Extra Gravity.

It’s the Cardigans … with Long Gone Before Daylight. This album is magic. It’s full of wonderful anthemic songs that you can sing along to quite happily. (Well – maybe if some of them weren’t about domestic abuse!). I think I’ve linked everything here at some point, maybe not Feathers And Down …

Soundtracks – you know they were coming. I have two Lord of the Rings soundtracks, Fellowship and Return of the King. They’re both excellent soundtracks that fit and set the mood of the films perfectly.

Clannad are in here again with Lore. I dunno, it’s a good close eyes + relax album but I’m not sure about highlights from it.

On the other hand, I found Lene Marlin through the Sitting Down Here single and have continued to pick up her albums. She has a delightful Norwegian tinged voice that couples with excellent songs like How Would It Be from the Lost In A Moment album.

Aimee Mann is another with an excellent voice, her Lost In Space album has highlights like Invisible Ink.

Another live album, this time from Neil Diamond with Love At The Greek. Honestly ? Leave this one on the shelf and pick up Hot August Night instead. It has a better collection of songs and is performed better.

Last but definitely not least is Love Over Gold by Dire Straits. This is only 5 tracks but they’re all pretty decent, showing off the skills of each member of the band pretty well when they go into instrumental mode.

That’s it for L ! I’m off to listen to Cardigans songs 🙂

Thank you Michèle !

Bob – you wouldn't believe how long it took me to find something suitably pink. Even though there are events like the Pink Tests in Australia, no one seemed to want to sell me pink gear. Weird !!!

And the breast cancer supporters always wear pink – not just a cricket.

Lovely story and truly "in the Pink" . Thank you.

This post has two parents … Or sources of inspiration for it.

The first is Mr Carmi Levy’s Thematic Photographic series, the latest is In The Pink. Here’s mine ! I’ve only really got one Pink themed picture and people who have been here for a while will know what it is.

But … there’s another inspiration, Twitter has taken me to numerous people, one of whom is the wonderful Nika Harper aka Nikasaur. Here’s a link to her Youtube channel where she posts Wordplay challenges. I thought – I can do one of those ! My problem is a lack of creative inspiration. I’m very definitely an engineer type who Does Things. Sometimes I do them in an unorthodox fashion but it’s usually in response to a task. Thinking up the task is another thing entirely.

However – I thought I could tell the story of the Pink Hat. Hopefully it fits the theme of Exposition !

There it is – the infamous Pink Hat. And the Smiling Person beneath just happens to be … me ! On to the story :

There was a boy who was not quite a boy any more. Years had taken their toll. Friends had moved on. Situations had evolved. People and their teams came and went. But the boy could always remember being young through sheer joy of Running. That’s running very fast. And he could run, fast enough that the wind whistled through his ears.

The boy’s usual excuse for running very fast was that a cricket match just happened to be breaking out at the same time.

However, the boy knew that his time when he could run very fast was coming to a close. The years were drawing on. Injuries were comparing notes and conspiring to make him slow. But the boy thought he could give something back.

But how ? He could run very fast but not for very long. He knew that typically, giving something back through running meant running a long way, which wasn’t his strength. Cricket was his game, because cricket rewarded that warp speed running but also allowed a chance to recover.

And then he thought of the Pink Hat. Wherever he could, he would wear gear with a Pink theme. And that took some finding ! Eventually, he found the Pink Hat of legend. But why Pink ? Because of the Rose.

The Rose joined the boy’s team quite late. She was part of another group who were added to the boy’s team. She was perfect. She was tall but not stretched. She had an easy elegance and an understated beauty. She had a little smile that positively glowed. She was a genuinely nice, lovely person. And it was all taken from her by the ravages of breast cancer. Although the boy didn’t let anyone see, he was devastated inside. How could someone so amazing be lost so young ?

And so he chose to wear Pink, not so much for raising funds. He didn’t feel comfortable asking people for money. But definitely for awareness. Whenever anyone would mention the Pink Hat during or after a game, the boy would tell them about the Rose.

Sometimes there were tears. Sometimes the boy was combative in defending his Pink Hat. But everyone who saw it knew the reason for it. And so the boy achieved his objective of making people aware of that cruel illness and they took away a memory of that impossibly perfect Rose.

And it inspired the boy too. Whereas he would have acceded to the whims of a body which was struggling to run quicker than the wind, he continued to play. He only played 8 games that year but helped his teams to many wins, all in honour of the Rose.

The boy hasn’t played much since that last year. But the boy, who struggles to show how sad he can be, was glad for a chance to show his feelings through the Pink Hat. And he’s remembering now, the lady with the little smile framed by blonde hair typically drawn back in office friendly tails.

And that’s what he’d like you to do. To remember. Remembering everybody who is lost is too much. However. Remember those close. We have all lost people like that. Remember them at their best. As I remember the Rose. As I remember my grandfather who was lost to prostate cancer. As I remember my nan.

Remember.

The End !

(back to blog mode)

Gosh writing that has awoken some feels. I can feel a tear or two choking up inside. But I can also remember that wonderful face of The Rose as she caught my Grin and answered with that little smile of her own. I think it made her feel welcome in the team her group had been parachuted into. They felt rather isolated at first having been mashed into one of the most integrated and tight knit teams around. I hope my Grins made things easier for them.

Someone peeked here !!! I have additional information that needs to be added.

The problem wasn't a toasty drive. The firmware (the software inside the drive) had a bug with the running hours counter. It would be fine on a power cycle, however when the running hours hit +1, it would crash until the next power cycle. The issue was fixed with an update of the firmware and the drive has been rock solid every since.

We all do that act quite well don’t we ?

We see everyone around us as a glowing picture of health and we wonder – how come we’re not like that ? It makes us feel bad that we’re an odd one out who is being slowed down or otherwise compromised by the problems that we’re carrying.

But hold on – there’s a secret …

Everyone has these problems !

Remember that.

But don’t think of it as them handling things really well but you’re not. It’s just some people can maintain that illusion better than others.

Personally ? After the Zombie Patches healed and the bad bits could be hidden under clothes, I don’t think many people realise how much of me was damaged. There’s still a fair bit damaged but I’m hoping that it’ll be all clear by Xmas (first time in over 3 years). But it’s still a daily struggle for me.

Lots of people at work know now, cos I told them but what they see is my trademark Big Grin, my damaged hands when I show them and a definite struggle to start moving when I stand up. (Oh and occasional yelps when I upset my hip plus my attacks of the bad bits are … noticed).

But it’s what they notice – they notice the good and don’t really see the bad. When people look at the lady who sits opposite my desk, they see a very beautiful, stunningly attractive woman. They don’t see the pain I see in her eyes when the back pain gives her a reminder. With another, they see the energy but they don’t see the difficulty she has in starting to move.

With a couple of my oldest friends, people see the Kick Butt 100% Competent ladies they both are. They don’t see the doubts, the difficulties they both hide behind the Public Face.

We all do that too. We have a Public Face that we let the world see and a Private Face that says what we are really feeling.

One of my secrets is that when I’m in an empathic mode, I will see right through the surface and see the person within. I’ll see the beauty within but I’ll also see the pain. It’s one reason why I see the hyperactivity as a mixed blessing. It’s a fun ride but it makes noise which blocks the empathic senses.

I heard that someone I have a massive crush on has been having lots of problems lately. Chest infections and an energy debt that’s meant she’s had a lot of difficulty getting healthy again. I was shocked to hear that ! The Public Face didn’t give any inkling to the problems. I guess that’s one reason for that crush, because hiding the problems so well and presenting a Public Face that represents FUN, FUN, FUN and endless mischief means there’s a lot of inner strength there.

That said, I’d have done anything to be nurse for this particular little lady. Being the person giving the hugs, bringing the soup (I’m rather partial to soup, not had any for ages !) and generally trying to lend a bit of my strength to help out the other person. I’ve not had much chance to do that lately and I kinda miss it.

That’s what being partners is all about though. We enjoy each other and help each other out when we’re struggling.

So how about me ? I’ve already said that my Public Face seems to be one of a bouncy, a little goofy youthful person who’s a little too smart. And that it doesn’t betray the health issues. But what’s lurking beneath it ? I’ll leave the skin trouble aside as I’m hoping I’m winning there. What else is slowing me down ?

My legs have been my strongest point yet they’re very out of shape. I hit the trigger to Go Fast and the tank’s empty. (There’s a reason for that, I’ve not been using them enough, it’ll come back).
My hips hate me – but only for a limited range of the total movement.
My diet is subject to allergies – I don’t know what they are yet but I’m just about repaired enough that I can have an allergy test to confirm things like having to avoid orange juice.
My shoulder !!!!! I stops me bowling but it only affects about 5% of the movement range. No big deal.
Neck & Back – again, it’s awkward now but as I normalise, I’m hoping it’ll come back on its own.

For me, I’m not there yet but the prognosis is good. When I tried running on Saturday, everything still worked but it was just weak from disuse. I suspect that with the weight I’ve lost, I’d have a lot of fun zooming around a cricket field when those legs got conditioned again. I’m getting older chronologically but when I get the birthday donuts for the team in 2 months, I’m still hopeful that I can pull an under 30 guess out of at least 1 person when I ask for age guesses.

Did I mention that my Public Face has Kiddie Looks ? That said, I’m not a Milky Bar Kid any more. My shiny-blonde hair has darkened over the years and my ever present glasses aren’t the NHS Big Plastic Rim style any more. Actually, I need another picture of that Public Face because the ones I have show … chubby.

I guess I better close before I Wall Of Text too much ! Last message :

It’s ok to struggle. We all are in our own way. Struggling, that is. Even the ones who look amazing, if she has an amazing figure then she may be hiding an eating disorder. The confident hyperactive (me!) may collapse in a puddle when he gets home. The Kick Ass lady who knows her job inside out may be riding the crest of a wave of doubt. The gym addict may be hiding a crippling self esteem issue (another reason I’m glad I have natural fitness!).

I know someone in Birmingham who is stunningly beautiful but has crippling issues with arthritis. She’s staying strong and is earning lots of trust at work. You don’t see the pain because the personality is so strong, in Public Face at least.

I’d like to have the chance to help someone out with their struggle. To be the person they turn to when they need a natter. To help someone frame the most difficult thoughts so they can sort them out into order and make sense of them. I talk a lot about my inner problems here (and I hope I don’t bore you too much with them !) and it helps me sort out my own difficult thoughts.

But there are other problems I hide behind that Public Face which don’t go here. There’s a fair bit that doesn’t go here actually … and I’d appreciate someone to talk to about them.

We are stronger together*. Especially when we can drop that Public Face with someone we trust to see the Private Face. (And I do appreciate it hugely when my friends who trust me most let me in there)

*(A laughing PS – this is not a comment on the Scottish Independence vote. Although I do think they’d be mad to secede. Honest personal opinion : Scotland needs GB more than GB needs Scotland.)