Month: February 2015

I read this today and recognised a lot in it.

(Linky)

It’s a list of what people don’t understand about us introverts. I’ll happily admit to being part of the club, although if I get talking, people have trouble getting me to stop. Same if I go hyperactive too, which is happily happening more and more. I do have a bad side to that talking though, I tend to talk about me too much instead of letting other people talk about themselves. I don’t like that and must try to let the other people natter.

Very true.

So – about these introverty things ? The linky above has what they think but I thought I’d give my perspective on it :

1 – Small talk sucks
Not so sure here. Because small talk is a means to feeling connected with people and I do need that connection. I like the feeling of being included in a group but (see crowds) there’s a limit. I do find it difficult to get that inspiration to break a silence though. Silence isn’t that comfortable for me.

2 – Being alone is fine
This is one of my contrasts. I’m happy being on my own and will do group things like cinema watching on my own. But – I do have that need to be connected. The internet does a lot of that for me, with Facebook (not so good now because of their silly filters) and Twitter. But it does get frustrating when you reach out to people with comments and get nothing in return. Today’s been a happy contrast there, with a few Pretty Ladies giving me Favourites or replies.

3 – We aren’t rude or uptight
It can just take time to overcome the Threat indicators that tend to light up when unfamiliar people appear. Can I trust them ? Will they take what I say and twist it when they pass it on ? (That’s a learned thing – I’ve been a victim of gossip in the past). It’s why we take it pretty hard when we don’t get replies when we break down that wall and reach out to people.

4 – Sometimes, we swing both ways
Oo-er. Yep. I’m quiet and can take time to warm up but when I do start talking, it can be difficult to get me to stop. When I played badminton, I’d ignore the high percentage winning shots and go for the most spectacular one that popped into my head. But when I bowled and got wickets, I didn’t tend to be overextravagant when celebrating, despite having enough adrenaline going to argue with umpires.

5 – We have friends. And they like us ! Probably.
We’re never quite sure where we stand. There’s a little lady who keeps sending me messages which send my happiness level into the stratosphere (she thinks I have a lovely surname …) but our low confidence doesn’t let us really Believe that good things happen like that. Same with work, without that constant feedback and pats on the back, our confidence dips to where we don’t think we’re being effective.

6 – When with the right people, we feel safe
I tell some people some things, I tell other people more. There’s a filter that goes on these posts where I don’t talk too much about work (I work with Cool Things) and I keep other people’s confidences. Not many people know I had a brother.

7 – We like to write things out
Wall Of Text incoming

8 – We’re super productive
When I figure things out, I can go into a Robot Mode where I do things very quickly and as efficiently as possible. And at other times, my brain will tunnel vision focus in on stuff and get those fingers tapping.

9 – If we don’t like you, you won’t know it.
Very true. But I like to think that if I do like someone, they will definitely realise it. Sometimes I can be too subtle though.

10 – Networking events suck
See that small talk thing again about not knowing the right things to say at the right time. Or thinking of wonderful things to say, hours after the opportunity would have occurred.

11 – We don’t like crowds
I like being around people. But I also do an automatic assessment of everyone I see and everyone who is around me and that can quite quickly go to assigning “Threat” statuses to everyone. That’s bad I know but there’s a certain point where I have to be elsewhere when people start crowding in on me.

12 – Sorry, we probably weren’t listening to your story
Ok – that’s what they say. I’m usually listening and I’ll file it away somewhere for later, although my memory damage is interfering with that these days. But there’s also a chance that my brain has diverted itself into planning some grand scheme, it’s taking something mechanical apart, it’s checking out the architecture, it’s identifying the music (all this at the same time) and my attention has wandered. Naughty I know and I apologise if you catch me at it :-).

13 – Don’t make a fuss out of our birthdays
The worst birthday I’ve had was when I was on a course. The other people on the course found out … and dragged me to a bar where they insisted I drink shots. I’m not a regular drinker, so you can imagine part of me was screaming inside. Yep. That was a bad, tortuous birthday. I was very ill too.

Nah – my preferred birthday is to come into work as normal (to be around people), nip out to get the cakes at a cunningly chosen time (1 hour before lunchtime when people are hungriest) and tell everyone in sight and in range (email counts there) that they really need to Grab Cake. I love that. It lets me celebrate the birthday and people usually disappear quickly after grabbing the cake.

14 – We don’t want to make a fuss out of your birthday.
Not so sure here. I’d like to be invited to birthday thingies. Not yet mind, I’m still rarely in a state where I want to go out in public (but improving)

15 – If we’ve chosen to be friends with you, appreciate it.
See above comments about taking it hard when I don’t get replies. I can appreciate people being busy and missing replies but … if you never get a reply from someone you’ve reached out to ? That’s very rude. I have a simple philosophy there :

I will continue reaching out, because that’s who I am. I don’t want to change that.
Some people I’ll have fun with as they communicate.
Other people I’ll expect to have ignore me. I now shrug there … their loss.

Oh dear – this has turned into mega Wall Of Text hasn’t it … see no 7 !

I thought I’d finish on something completely random that I saw earlier. Cya !

Just saw the pic below, realised I hadn’t posted anything today … thought …

Perfect :

Enjoy your day and may it be a loving one.

That’s my current avatar of choice. I’ll keep that one until tomorrow until I change it to a Happy Chinese New Year dwagon.

PS I’ve had someone call me “my lovely” today – can’t remember when that last happened on a Valentines Day !

Yep.

Almost that day when couple and singles alike are united in dread. It’s daft that isn’t it ? Valentines Day should be about love, unconditional love. Except :

If you’re single then you’re made to feel broken or otherwise Not Right on this day of all days if you don’t have the excuse to treat someone.
If you’re a couple, then it’s an utter nightmare to find somewhere intimate to have that lovely dinner with your partner.

That’s the impression I used to have. It was better to have that quiet night in where you could devote your attention completely to your partner in comfort. If you went out, that intimate dinner would be shared with all and sundry, if you could even get a table.

Besides – it doesn’t take it being the calendar pointing to a certain day to mean you need an excuse to make a partner feel special.

I like to think I make people feel special all the time. Well, most of the time. I have that grin of mine which seems to be really contagious, getting people joining in. Especially the ladies. Perhaps that’s because it tends to come out most for the Pretty Ladies ?

I dunno – there’s something about the beauty that all ladies have which makes me want to see that beauty smiling. And I guess there’s an innocence in that grin that brings out that smile.

This year will be a little different.

I have no set plans, for this weekend at least. Part of that is because my legs are currently speaking to me. They’re saying that they hope I die a horrible, painful death. Yep. True. They really don’t like me at the moment. But I’m ignoring them and keeping on using them. They’re a little better on the outsides than yesterday, hopefully that improvement will continue although if I were to expose those legs to the unwary, they’d probably be ill.

Yep. Still looking like I’ve been dragged through those thornbushes. And the legs may actually be in worse shape on the insides (they’re not but they are making me very uncomfortable).

Different this year ?

I’ll be texting that little lady with the big personality and the enchanting bubbly chuckle. And I’ll be looking forward to Comic Con in March. I have the playlist for the car all ready, there’s a tonne of amazing music on it.

(I’m still amazed by how good Untouched is by The Veronicas – that’s probably my favourite song now out of the 13,000 in the library, although Song For The Leftovers and any number of other Nina Persson songs competes)

Yep. My personality is still going on those sub-orbital jaunts when it gets a message coming through. That’s one advantage of my memory (when it works properly!), I can hear that bubbly chuckle as I read the messages.

I’m rambling now though. I hope people have a good weekend.

I’m hoping for a restful one as I still have a tonne of repairs that I need my body to do so it hates me less. I may end up going out to see a certain film if a Pretty Little Lady comes calling 🙂 Not quite sure what to make of Fifty Shades. From what I hear, it’s a very sexy, kinky tale. However, from what I hear, it crosses a line over into the territory of rape. I don’t know how I’d feel if I watched that. It would definitely make me uncomfortable and quite probably make me very angry.

Don’t be too tempted by what the commercial people demand you do though. If you love another, you don’t need to show that this particular weekend by heading out. Make her feel special every day of the year. This weekend is just something the commercial people dreamed up.

Does that sound smothering ?

Sometimes the greatest gift is time. And that can translate into giving that time to others by being available when they need you. Just being around to chuckle at their jokes. To bounce off what they say with comments. To give them a hug when they’re sad. To lend strength when they’re weak. To indulge them in their whims.

I hope people have a good weekend, whether they spend it with someone, talking to someone from a distance or even just ignoring that whole commercial construct which is Valentines.

Cya ! Oh ! I will be indulging in another commercial construct coming very soon.

Mini Eggs are awesome.

PS I think I found the message I was searching for – it’s not the Day that’s special, it’s the people. Make every day a valentines day by trying to make people feel special at every opportunity.

Trying to think what I’ve watched in the cinema this year.

It does seem a little while ago since the Hobbit 3 was out, I think that’s the last film before these three that I watched in the cinema. It was also second date with Little Skye ! That was fun. If a little short lasting because we both had to disappear off places the next morning.

Hopefully I’ll see Skye again soon. I miss that bubbly chuckle and I want to explain the joking story earlier. It was a true story honest ! But a bit too worky to put here. It’s definitely a story with the potential to make people wonder what on earth I was doing. Muahaha.

Films ?

I’ve seen 3 in the cinema over the past week or so.

First up – Good film (or at least I thought so !) – Ex Machina. This is about a programmer who wins a competition run by his reclusive megaboss. The prize is to spend a week at the megaboss’s retreat. But … megaboss has an ulterior motice, he has an advanced Artificial Intelligence robot and he wants the programmer to run the Turing Test* on it.

*The Turing Test is about the question of consciousness and self awareness. It has a person talking to a computer, if the person cannot distinguish the computer’s responses from a human, the computer passes the Turing Test and can be classed as being sentient.

I enjoyed this movie. I’d like to see it again to see how many little hooks were in there that you’d easily miss the first time round. Ok, there were some major plot hammers that were very obvious on the first viewing but I’m sure there’s more subtleties that were missed.

I enjoyed Ex Machina, although it’s not for everyone. I’d recommend it, purely as a Make Your Own Mind Up film. It’ll make you think, about many things.

Did I mention that the AI was also very pretty and able to convey a certain sense of vulnerability ?

Bad film – that’s gotta be Jupiter Ascending. This is a space scifi epic with space ships, mechs, spacebikes, lasers, warpdrives, immortality, machiavellian despots and Mila Kunis trying to have some fun.

It’s strange. It has all the ingredients, save one. What’s missing is good writing. It’s a fantastic film waiting to burst out but is shackled by that terrible writing.

One to avoid, although it’s definitely a spectacle. Perhaps one to experience as long as you’re not expecting to get anything cerebral out of it. In fact you may even walk out in disgust at the appalling writing and complete absence of coherency in the plot.

But it does have Mila Kunis attempting to have fun. (Must see some more of her stuff, she’s a feel good actress).

Dunno what to make of it film ? Has to be Kingsman.

This has an ultra secret service run, of course, by the Brits. Colin Firth is the lead spy, although he’s not the boss of the organisation. Nigel Davenport joins in too, as does Mark Strong. But this one’s about the boy who gets in trouble and gets taken in by the Kingsman organisation.

Oh and there’s a dastardly plot to take over the world, led by Samuel L Jackson (a characiture level performance), ably supported by hit girl assassin Gazelle (played by Sofia Boutella). The hit girl kinda steals the show. She’s so graceful and I bet she had a lot of fun playing the part. You can usually tell that with actresses, there’s a certain glint in their eye.

So – Kingsman. It’s incredibly silly. There’s wholly unrealistic toys on show. Some of the jokes are tasteless, some of the effects are truly daft, there are ultra violent scenes, it has an “execution” device which is a bit nasty. But that’s the whole point. If it’s a match for your sense of humour, you’ll find this movie hilarious.

It’s a light hearted spy romp.

I thoroughly enjoyed it, although it’s not for everyone.

I suspect me enjoying these films is down to me being in up cycles when I saw them. My state of mind has been going up and down like a yoyo. Some days I’m strong, some days I’m weak. If I’m strong, I’ll enjoy stuff. I kinda enjoyed Jupiter Ascending despite the writing being so appalling.

So – good film, bad film, dunno what to think film. I kinda enjoyed all 3 for different reasons, despite that writing.

My recommendation ? Make your own mind up. Experience these things for yourself. And, look to enjoy first, critique second.

Not too many left in these now …

First up is a blokey band who I’ve added to the Collect All They Do list. It’s Maroon 5 and it’s not my typical vibe but they’re different, quirky, boppy, make you feel better bouncy music. Their latest is V and it’s pretty decent again. Highlight is My Heart Is Open.

Another quirky mob who I’m getting to like more now is Kasabian. They’re in here with Velociraptor and I love that title track “He’s gonna chase you, he’s gonna eat you” in sing-song lyrics. Not the best track here though, I’d call that Switchblade Smiles.

Good album. I’d heartily recommend it.

And one I’d totally recommend is Velveteen by Tranvision Vamp. I was reminded of this band by a Driving Songs collection cd and the song that stood out was Baby I Don’t Care. Any song that starts with a Wendy James scream is going to get my attention, with that attention being held by a damn good song.

Garbage have been around forever it seems following up an excellent debut with Version 2.0, their second album. This one is filled with amazing songs and I think I’d pick out The Trick Is To Keep Breathing.

And here are the Very Best Of albums …

First up is Nina Simone. She’s an absolute legend with an incredible voice with great range. Her only anti-mark is her racism. I have no place for stuff like that, be it positive or negative discrimination (I’m looking at you MOBO awards). But … it just means that certain of her songs, I won’t listen to. I’ll enjoy listening to the non-racism songs which have utter brilliance like I Ain’t Got No, I Got Life.

That seems like a strong opinion doesn’t it ? I guess it is. Question – would a MOWO Awards see the light of day ? I dunno. Although you could say it already is, they just don’t connect the white origin with the name. I’m getting into territory I don’t want to talk about too much though. Nina Simone – absolute legend of a singer. I’ll enjoy most of her music and avoid the stuff I don’t like.

Sheryl Crow has another Very Best Of (you could call this White Origin!), country and western at its best. This is a great collection of amazing songs, like Everyday Is A Winding Road or There Goes The Neighbourhood.

Harking back a bit are The Eagles with another Very Best Of. There’s some really obvious choices here for highlight so I’ll pick something different – Take It Easy is my highlight. (Ok – it’s a really well known one but I like the message in it !)

I was in a Frankie and Bennys having a dinner and Bobby Vinton was on over the tannoy. Made me think – why don’t I have any of this ? So I picked up his collection just for Blue Velvet.

I keep collecting Air albums too, although when they get cheap. They did the soundtrack for The Virgin Suicides. Ok album but you won’t miss much by avoiding it.

Coldplay get in here with Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends. Gotta admit, all of Coldplay’s music mushes into the next track for me. They’re ok to listen to but not really a highlight.

But oh so different – Edie Brickell’s Volcano. Another pretty decent album from Edie here, highlights are the title track Volcano and there’s a few more here too. An album I enjoy when its turn comes.

There’s lots in W so I’ll leave that one until later. That’s it for now !

Cya

Today’s been a better day.

Not fixed, not by a long shot. But improved.

Maybe.

But I think drinking loads of water yesterday has started setting me right. I have to admit, one reason for the extreme cramping problems I was having last night was my dinner … Yep. I raided the chippie between getting off the bus and reaching home.

Something I’ve always been susceptible to is having extreme cramp from mineral imbalance. My system has to have :

Lots of water
Not much salt

I believe that’s related to the neurotransmitter chemistry (I gave up biology before getting that far) but as far as I know, your nerves work off a balance of Potassium and Sodium. And salt is Sodium Chloride. So by having chips which have lots of salt on and combining that with a lack of hydration, I effectively salt bomb myself and get that massive cramping due to confusing the nerves with an imbalance of that Potassium and Sodium.

This week, I’ve been out of office a lot and away from drinking as much as I try to. Add that to the skin problems causing my body to pull in all the fluids to help repair and … lots of cramp. Hence me experiencing lots of pain …

I don’t believe that’s an arthritis pain. Let’s see actually :

Muscles – is that salt bomb dehydration effect making them cramp.
Wrist – is genuine RSI and is possibly getting worse through arthritis attacking it
Hip – I think my problem here is a ligament (needs checking out)
I think the wrist and possibly my ankles are the only areas I have genuine arthritis building up, although I’ve never regained full use of my shoulder and my knees and back/neck are as creaky as ever.

Yep. Yesterday was a really low point.

Today has been better. I don’t really know why today’s been better, possibly it’s going a little while without doing too much more damage to myself. Perhaps I got a decent night’s sleep last night.

I still have my bad ear though. I didn’t mention that yesterday … I have like 90% hearing out of my left ear but my right ear is pretty bad. It’s down to maybe 10% (and I’m trying not to fiddle with it and make it worse) but I have tinnitus from it which is jamming the good ear. (That’s jamming as in presenting a stronger signal than what I want to hear).

I’m getting by with it, I’ve been able to function with my hearing at work without missing much and it doesn’t affect my balance like some ear problems can.

I know what would brighten me up – hugs from good people. Let’s see :

I sat on the bus next to a very old friend last night. She’s amazing. And always great to talk to. I think that chat helped more than I thought and although I didn’t get the benefit last night, that slow burning chat-hug might be what’s got me pointing back in the right direction.

People are digging the scarf. Their comments let me explain where it came from – the playoff final last year where I took my dad to see his team win.

Smile ! There we go.

Having the mental strength to not be fixated on one particular little lady. I still very occasionally watch her videos but when I do, I see the divergence between what she says and how she acts. She’s very closed in. Perhaps I’d say something different if I was in her little circle … but I tried to break into that and abandoned it after numerous attempts over a significant period of time. She still makes good videos but isn’t making anything I’m interested in watching at the moment. She was worth chasing though.

Looking forward to text messages from another little lady. There’s lots of films on at the moment and I hope she’ll let me take her to at least one of them. This one is definitely worth chasing !

(Films are one aspect where I want the ear problem to go away – films are about the soundtrack as much as they are about the visuals).

Oh and having a few key friends who I know have their eye on me and want me to be ok.

Yep. Better day than yesterday. Hopefully that’ll continue tomorrow and then I’ll have a really chilled out weekend to come and I’ll be looking to stay healthy over that weekend.

Perhaps I’m feeling the benefit of the kindness of those around me ? The people who return the smiles, the people who keep an eye on me. The people who give me that metaphorical pat on the shoulder. The people who give me hugs.

I’m missing hugs. I may have to go hunting people to give me hugs tomorrow at work.

So if you see me at work – run !

Haha – kidding.

Cya !

Oh my

I think my body is trying to tell me something.

But the stubbornness is keeping me grimly hobbling along.

Yep. Could do with a break – apologies if this turns out to be another of those Sleepy Is Struggling posts but I need to express it so I can deal with it.

So what’s up ?

Me tired. Very tired.

I think that’s going to be me on Saturday and Sunday. The way I’m feeling at the moment, I may submerge under those covers on Friday and stay there until Monday morning. But not yet.

Travel tomorrow, meetings on Friday. So I’ll keep myself going for those. Incidentally, that’s why I’ve not bothered the doctor about it yet although I really should check if there’s something available on Friday pm after those meetings.

What do I need ?
Another course of antibiotics – to clear out the last of the infection problems and to sort out a cold I seem to have had since before Xmas. I think that last leftover infection nasties is why my skin is getting to like 90% sorted and no further. It’s frustrating because some of the patches that were the most awful have healed to invisibility.

That skin problem is also exacerbating a dehydration problem that’s really biting at the moment. Most of the fluids I’m taking in are going into repairs. But … my muscles complain when they’re not being fed enough water.

So I’m having to deal with cramps as well as managing the other problems.

Yep. Pain at the moment. Lots of pain.

But not unmanageable.

I’m looking to try and maintain a positive attitude.

Even when that seems harder than reasonably expectable.

I am struggling at the moment. But I compare to how I was a couple of years ago and … I’m doing better than I was back then.

I’ll go see the doctor when I next get the chance, which should help my body get over the last of the infection problems. In the meantime – lots of water to drink. And rest always helps. Well, usually.

I’ll survive.

And to all those who are reading this and getting worried, I’ll seek a bit of help soon. When I can.

Next post will be brighter – promise 🙂 And I’ll hopefully have a doctor’s report to pass on too. Cya !

More music !

Coming to the end of these now and I’ve actually listened to everything in the library now. So – on with the show.

The first few U’s are Ultimate Collections. I have a few of these, from Barbara Streisand, Bob Dylan, Elaine Paige and Clannad. All top music. All but Dylan are there for the voice, Clannad have always had a gift of making their music flow with the voice and Dylan’s always been about the writing. Oh, there’s Prince as well with his own distinct character.

On to the newcomer. Rachel Sermanni is another who I got introduced to via iTunes’ Single Of The Week. That time it was Waltz, a magical tune that really shows off that voice, with the album Under Mountains continuing that trend with some lovely songs. Hope she comes out with more.

I’ve been following Avril Lavigne since her first album. She combines punk attitude with another wonderful voice. Under My Skin is another great album from the Pop Punkster. Highlight for me is How Does It Feel.

I’ve followed Tori Amos as well since day 1 and her second album is Under The Pink, which is loaded with incredible tracks. There’s so many good ones to choose from here but I’ll pick out Space Dog for its character.

Oh look ! Another Tori Amos with her latest, Unrepetant Geraldines. This one isn’t as good as Under The Pink, releasing so much music has diluted the creative instinct, just a little. My highlight here is Weatherman.

The Verve introduced themselves with Urban Hymns, which is another pretty good one albeit outside what I usually listen to (mainstream again). There’s lots of good songs here too, like Sonnet. Bonus – I can sing along to them !

Except not at the moment because the bugs that I was fighting off a couple of weeks ago still have a bit of a hold on my throat.

But that doesn’t really affect singing along to the next guys – Guns N Roses brought out a pair of albums called Use Your Illusion. There’s some amazing tracks here amongst the stinkers. Still, tracks like November Rain more than make up for the bad ones.

Looks like there’s a good few in V, so I’ll leave those until next time.

And talking of that – I’m watching another few Outlaw Star episodes now ahead of Superbowl later. I dunno how long I’ll stay up for the Superbowl, I have another 240 miles travel to do tomorrow. I have the luxury of a normal start time for that, although I’ll look to get to my destination early so I can get some work done there outside of the meeting I’m headed to.

What’s Outlaw Star ?

It’s an anime sci fi space series. It’s fairly old now but it’s a credit to the impression it made on first viewing that I remembered it as something special long enough to hunt down my own copy. It stars two lads who are joined by various colourful characters along the way and a rather special space ship.

It’s something special. Cya !