Feeling much better today and that has to do with a few things :
An absolute darling of a little lady who spotted last night’s post and immediately popped up on Facebook chat to cheer me up,
Cake ! today,
Getting stuff done – I’m almost clear on stuff that Has to be done before the break,
Feeling good – apart from the old groin tear I’m in good shape.
I think I’m struggling mentally due to tiredness but I’ve also been reliving and remembering stuff that’s caused me a fair bit of emotional trauma in the past. I’d forgotten or did selective amnesia on how unpleasant my last major break up got. I reread one or two of the old emails today and they are scary …
Not really scary for the content, that’s quite tame. It’s just the mindset behind the communications. I must have been incredibly angry to go that deep into cold anger. That’s like going straight past my hot passion anger stage and into a cold steel anger. I really don’t want to be in a place like that again. And the reasons for that anger won’t be getting put here, it’s history and should really stay there although I will say that circumstances justified it …
It’s not just the relationship stuff I’ve been remembering though, there’s been other reminders lately too. Some things can catch me unawares, something someone said last week just made my legs go out from underneath me like a ghost from the past tripping me up. Saying that though, I’ve been feeling lately that some of the armour I’ve been wearing for the past 20+ years is fading away. I don’t think I need it any more. But as part of getting rid of the armour, I’m remembering and reliving the reasons why it’s there.
To happier times. And those start from being able to talk through your problems with people you trust.
Problems shared always seem easier. It gives a chance to think through your ideas and plans with someone who can give you an honest opinion on whether they’re sensible or wishful thinking. (I indulge in the wishful thinking a bit too much I think!)
I’m doing it again aren’t I ? Starting with one theme, Wall Of Texting on another. Holiday plans :
Chilling out as much as possible 🙂
Fixing that darn loo – need to get compatible bits and if my arms are up to the heavy lifting 🙂
Getting the car serviced – been procrastinating again …
Investigating getting a washing machine
Tidying the house up
Giving someone a chance to escape into joining the chill out ?
I was doing ok there until the wishful thinking hit on the last one 🙂
I have a few domesticy things to sort out – the loo has been the longest running one. But I also need to replace a couple of things in the kitchen. The hot water tap has stiffened up and needs a towel to turn it off. The washing machine works but I’m not convinced it’s all that effective. And while I’m doing that hot tap, I might as well be replacing the sink.
This house has done pretty good 🙂 There’s been a minimal amount of maintenance needed on it over the years. Just things like a boiler thermocouple, ballcock adjustment, minor stuff. It’s the surroundings that drag it down, I live very close to a collection of shops and the people in those use our road as their car park. The neighbour that isn’t CK also causes his own problems. I have to borrow CK’s drive far too often these days because of lack of consideration from the non-residents and no51, makes me feel bad.
One day to go until chillout – and there’s going to be pizza when I escape too 🙂