Author: Sleepypete

It seems like we’re losing too many titans at the moment.

Wait … that’s wrong.

If we lose just one titan of the par of David Bowie or Alan Rickman, it’s too much. To lose both inside a week, definitely a massive loss. And that’s not forgetting the others who have left us this year and at the end of last.

I don’t usually mention things like this here, because I prefer to try and keep it to happier subjects. Plus you get to hear way more about it in the general media. This should be different. But I did want to bring out the Twibute Dwagons :

The original line was “By Grabthar’s Hammer, you shall be avenged” and it was from a rather good film called Galaxy Quest. I’d recommend seeing it if you haven’t already. Alan Rickman stole the show yet again playing a character that owed a little to Spock.

But he wasn’t just about Galaxy Quest. He was in so many more films where his excellence in acting, including being able to master different characters (which is a failing in many actors, their characters are written as them) and stealing the show every time. I heard that his part in Robin Of Sherwood (the Costner movie) got watered down a bit because he was just so darn good. (And the movie was supposed to be about Robin, not the Sheriff).

And there are many more too.

Then there’s David Bowie :

A little more work went into that Twibute Dwagon. (I feel a little cheap sometimes posting those – the words are mine but it takes so little time to do them now that it feels like I’m not putting enough effort in).

I wasn’t a fan of all of David Bowie’s work, like I will adore everything that certain other bands have done. But you cannot deny that he was a brilliant genius, flawed by not quite living in the same world as the rest of us. He just saw things different ways. And it was utterly amazing.

And it came out in songs like Starman, Heroes, Golden Years, Life On Mars … need I go on ? You know them all. I really have to see Labyrinth again. It’s been a while since I saw that film but I do remember his portrayal of the Goblin King to be utterly compelling.

And then there’s Lemmy too !

Too many gone this year already.

And other bad news too, like finding out that a friend had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I hope she gets through it. She’s a tough little lady so I bet she’ll be around for a good long while.

I don’t quite know how to end this one … Except that your life is yours. Live it how you see fit. But live it. Don’t miss out. We are not infinite, we need to take advantage of all the time that is given to us.

Nah.

Not me, at least not lately. Although I have been in the game (so to speak) lately with the added interest we’ve had here with the big prize up for grabs with lots of roll overs.

But the thought was – what would you do if you won the lottery ? Here’s what I think I’d do. (And this will dive off at a tangent half way through !)

I’d pay my debts. I don’t have many, my student debt was cleared a long time ago. But I do have a mortgage and finance on the car. I’d clear those. But I don’t think I owe anything to anyone else.

Saying that though, I’d help out some very close friends. That’s … extremely close friends. I think I can count who that would be on one hand. Let’s see … (and I’m not saying who they are !) Ok, maybe I’d need a finger or two (or a thumb!) on the other hand as well.

But that’s not really money. Money isn’t the fix all for everything. Money can get you companionship of a certain kind but would I want that ? No. There’s a song with the line “The best things in life are free” (and then it says “I want money” – haha). Back to that in a bit. Companionship should be about the person, not their car or how much is in their wallet.

Money and doing things for people in that way would depend on how much you won. If you won a few million, that might be where you might look into paying off a few people’s mortgages. If they would want you to do that. That’s an odd thing to say isn’t it ? I can say that all I have, I have earned through my own means. I’ve worked for it. It’s mine. Wholly mine. If someone came along and paid off my mortgage, yeah, I’d appreciate it. But it would no longer be wholly mine. I would feel an obligation.

Think about that for a bit – it’s one thing working for what you have, it’s another thing to get it the easy way. Not much about my life has been “easy”, although I did get a good start from family.

But if you’re giving someone an opportunity that benefits you both, that’s so much better than doing something like “Hey ! I just won all this money, have some and go buy a house/flat.” That’s a charitable act, it isn’t including them in your life. Some people really don’t like being charities. I don’t think I do.

Back to me – it would be great if I won enough that I no longer needed to work. I’m kinda bored of what I’m working at currently, it’s a bit too far distant from the techie stuff I like doing. (I’m working on a solution and I get involved with the techie stuff where I can at the moment). But I would need to be doing something, keeping my brain busy, keeping myself active with goals.

Because I like to have goals. I go stale without them. What I am curious about is the possibility of making the gaming videos. Cos I love gaming and I’ve been enjoying watching the gaming videos for a few years now while I’ve been away from the gaming due to lack of energy after work in the evenings. I think I could do a decent job with the gaming videos, although I’ve observed a few people’s output declining drastically lately (Yogscast have really gone off, only Hannah’s stuff is worth watching at the moment).

Perhaps not gaming … which gets me to …

Where would I live ?

Bricks and mortar property hasn’t appealed to me for a while now. The new houses seem to be very small, poor quality on the fitting out and the sites have issues with the builders (this impression coming from multiple people). Houses built on the cheap for profit, not for quality. No, I wouldn’t want to move from here to a new house. The neighbourhood isn’t bad here but I do live very close to shops where the workers abuse our road as their car park. And we’re in for another year of mayhem due to poorly conceived roadworks.

Not sure where else around Bristol I’d want to live actually.

Nope – I still have that crazy idea of living on a narrowboat …

Yep, I’d have to change my habits with regards storage of all the stuff I should have thrown out a while ago but a narrowboat (preferably a widebeam) has that potential to be very high quality in its fitting out and cosy too. Oh and if the neighbourhood doesn’t take your fancy, you can just move to another marina.

But I wouldn’t want to do it on my own. My narrowboat would be built with a companion in mind. Even down to things like fittings on the taps. (That matters to some people and I can completely understand). I’d want it to be her place as much as mine.

And a ship’s cat or pooch would be good too. I’ve missed having pooch snuggles.

I think I’ve rambled enough – targets if I win the lottery big :

Move on to a narrowboat;
Make that narrowboat a mini techie palace;
Put enough kit in to make it understated cosiness;
Interesting toys inside – you saw the Smart Meter post, lots more potential for geeking out with various equipment you could fill a boat with;
Having someone to enjoy it with.

Maybe I’d go off cruising around the country (this is limited by the size of the barge, many canals around Birmingham where they all link up are restricted to the narrower narrowboats). Maybe I’d stay in one place to support what the companion was getting up to. That place would be chosen according to what’s convenient for them (My number one choice is the Gloucester and Sharpness canal for access to Worcester for watching cricket in the summer!)

One thing is good, I’m much closer to having my health back. This is another thing about work, we have a very dessicated atmosphere which doesn’t do my outsides much good. It dries out my skin such that it starts breaking up again (it has a chance to recover over the weekend). Being out of that atmosphere would do me good. That’s just my outsides though, I’d like to regain my energy on the inside too.

On people – I’d like to escape the crush of humanity that seems all the more pressing these days. Whether that be on the roads with the collapse in driving standards, or having to stand your ground while walking or be bounced out of the way by people who do not leave enough space. I wouldn’t want to be on my own completely (I need contact with people to keep me out of lonely depression) but I would want to select those who I interact with.

Internet – is all about interaction. But I’d like it to be those who I interact with and on my terms. I do have that addiction to staying in touch though, I go slightly mad(der?) if I’m deprived of that connection to the world. Internet is difficult on a boat – but not an impossible problem considering that mobile broadband access is becoming more widespread.

So yeah ! Win the lottery before May, pay off the debts, sort the house out, head off to Crick Boat Show (end of May) and spend lots on a boat. Live happily ever after.

Sounds like a plan !

[lol] Ah, worth it then….. [grin]

Yep.

New toy.

And with a bit more research :
Cooker takes more power than both kettle and electric heater.
Microwave eats up even more.

Conclusion – it is cheaper to make a cuppa than it is to prepare a sachet of popcorn.

New toy, eh?

You know me.

Get my hands on something techie and I will want to investigate what it can do. And that goes for various bits and pieces of kit :

Seeing how the pooters behave when I ask them to do stuff.
This isn’t particularly geeky or non-sensible, problems tend to happen with pooters when you load them up. When the processor or graphics or memory is busy and things get hot (unless it’s Windows, then expect problems at all times). When you’re asking them to use parts of them that don’t often get used. My pooter isn’t actually exercising all of the bits of it that would have made it more powerful than supercomputers of 15 or so years ago. But I do want to know that it won’t fail when I’m in a game or something similar. So I exercise it to see how it will do.

When I build a new one, I’ll also run the various (free!) benchmarks on it to make sure it’s at about the same level as similar machines. I don’t want it to be the best (this involves much tweaking for 0.5% better speed), I just want to be sure I’ve not ended up with something going half the speed it should be.

Enough of that !

Except to say that when you do buy stuff, when you part with cash :

Make sure there’s nothing at a similar price that would do the job way better. (And stay doing the job after the cheap stuff breaks!)
Make sure what you bought does what it says on the tin. (VW diesel people will facepalm at this).

Oh and check stuff out to see what it can actually do for you. Use as much of your bits and pieces as you want to but make sure you’re not missing out.

So me with the iPad, I’m using it for iOS games (currently Astronest has my attention), I occasionally use it for Facebook and Twitter and Messaging when I’m not doing those on phone, laptop or desktop. I haven’t written a blog post on it yet (proper keyboards are better) but I am pondering developing scribbledrawing skills with it. I’ve also been using it for reading Kindle and Applestore books (shop around, Kindle/Apple can be cheaper than paper books). Reflecting back, I’m glad I bought it.

Oh and it has Siri too, which I’ve disabled. (If you haven’t already, ask Siri what is zero divided by zero)

The latest gadget I’ve been geeking over is the smart meter smart meter thing. (And the next one will probably be a combi boiler that I suspect I will get fitted at Easter). It has a real time monitor for how much power is being used. And it’s quite quick too.

I’ve been looking at it perhaps a little too much, seeing how the power requirements change with the various bits and pieces that I have. Let’s see what I can remember :

Resting state – about 4p/hour.
This is with the pooter doing sums on the processor but not the graphics card (no sums available at the moment). It’s with the lowest level of stuff on that I have. So telly’s off, music off, fridge on, all the other stuff you keep on as a baseline like alarm clocks, ovens, microwaves in their resting state. 4p/hour seems ok. Wonder what it would drop to if I stopped the pooter from doing sums.

Music and telly – up to about 7p/hour.
This is how I’m like most of the time. Modern tellies don’t actually take much power. I have a surround sound amp, so there’s lots of individual power amplifiers in there which consume the electricity. But not as much as :

Electric heater on – adds on about 17p/hour.
Although that’s when it’s running. The instantaneous readout will jump up when the heater is heating and fall back to 7p/hour when it’s having a break.

Kettle – adds on a whopping 35p/hour.
Crikey – that’s a lot isn’t it ? But bear in mind that the kettle isn’t actually going to be on for long.

There’s a bunch of confusing units for energy, which all come from pretty much the same source. Pure energy is measured in Joules, with Joules/second being the unit of power, otherwise known as the Watt which you’ll be familiar with. That’s then turned into another unit for energy consumption, the kWh. I.e. how many 1000s of Watts have been used in an hour. It’s just Joules by another name.

The thing to remember though with Energy use is that it’s the kWh or Joules which matter. Yep, the kettle uses 5 times the power of everything else but it’s only on for a very short time, so it consumes far less energy overall.

And it makes a nice cuppa.

It does help having things like energy saving stuff, if only because it means far less changing of light bulbs. (Haha – I rarely change my living room light bulb now, it used to blow far too often with old tungsten bulbs). But don’t begrudge that occasional cuppa for the energy it’ll consume. In the big scheme of things, it’s not using that much and you get a good cuppa out of it.

(I’m still kicking out this cold and some thick soothing hot chocolate is going down extremely well at the moment.)

Watch out for nasties. Having that heater going and keeping warm will hopefully keep you healthy :-).

And …

Cya !

(Hopefully this is a better post than the ones I’ve come out with lately – it’s not just the cold, latent depression has been getting me down too)

Think I need ’em.

This is going to be one of those “How did your day go dear ?” posts where the person asking the question instantly regrets having asked it …

Phew ! Found a thumbnail pic which was better than what I nearly used :

It has been that kind of a week so far since coming back into work. Work’s been fine, it’s just :

Bugs;
Recovering from bugs;
Really unhappy ankles from breaking in new shoes;
Super unhappy legs that are complaining at me for walking them around;
(the muscles think they’re being overworked – it’s a symptom of bugs)
Silly day today.

I had to take a day off work today to support a visit from the electric people who wanted to switch me over to smart meters. Good idea for them, totally ambivalent to it from my point of view.

So today was pretty much wasted due to waiting for someone who turned up at about 4pm in a window of 12pm to 6pm. And I needed to be around. I wouldn’t even have been able to do ballcock fixing because with me up in the attic doing that, I’d never hear the guy tapping on the door. (B+Q didn’t appear to want to sell me what I needed anyway, still need parts).

Ok – stress.

These bugs have been way more noticeable this week than last. Perhaps because when I was being lazy, I wasn’t pushing for strength that wasn’t there cos of the bugs. Back at work tomorrow again and I have two secret weapons … Coffee and Mini Eggs !

Yep. A fix for anything.

Including disasters happening at the same time as the meters were being changed …

Disaster number 2 is easier – I need to stop procrastinating and get the boiler man in ! It won’t relight after the pilot light was extinguished for the meter change. Urg. It’s done this before, I suspect the thermocouple that tells the boiler that it’s safe to light (not overheated) has burned up again. Had that boiler for a while.

Disaster number 1 is fixed but it’ll get me talking about PC bits and pieces. Tonight’s disaster was the power supply to my desktop going *pop* almost as soon as it was turned back on. It was a Corsair CX600 (600W capacity, decent for budget, good make) that was 4 years and a couple of months old. I don’t think it was being particularly stressed. My desktop now has three hard discs and just one moderate power graphics card. Yet the power supply goes bang anyway.

When stuff goes Bang inside a PC, it can be tough to figure out what. The first thing to do is see if anything twitches, anything at all. That means fans trying to start up, lights on the mainboard, things like that. In this case, it was stone dead. (I was also able to test it on an older PC which made noises and shone lights with its own supply).

I’ve had to buy another Corsair supply (a 750W which may support a second graphics card if I ever do that) because that’s all PC World have but they’re definitely off the recommended list now*. When there’s equally high quality competition, you can afford to blacklist certain suppliers if they let you down. And a power supply should not go bang after just over 4 years.

*(a day later and a correction – I’d still buy a Corsair supply, this one failed gracefully. I’ve had 2.5** power supplies fail including the Corsair. A no name one went *pop* and took down several other components with it. The protection circuits in the Corsair apparently kept the other bits in my desktop ok. Thumbs up)
**(the 0.5 was where a fan failed and stuck. These things happen … I resurrected that supply … but would definitely not recommend opening up a power supply to fix it unless you know the big dangers of electrocution that it exposes you to.)

I’m also blacklisting Roccat. I bought a new mouse from them sometime last year to replace one which was wearing out. I think this one is failing already … the middle mouse button (the wheel) seems to be loosening up, I suspect I’ll be mouse shopping again this year.

The last of the current blacklist is Saitek, these people make flightsticks. Trouble is, their quality has declined severely over recent years. That seems to be the way, a company gets a great reputation and then trades on it for years after while quality declines. I used a Fly.5 from Saitek, which inherited the unwanted yaw problem too many people suffer (It turns hard right when you want to go straight). Other people complain about buttons falling off and throttles failing. The Fly.5 was also very difficult to handle precisely around the middle.

Yep. Today has been way tougher than it should have been. But …

Desktop PC is now resurrected with a new power supply;
A few regiments of the Dust Bunny army have been exiled from said desktop PC;
Boilerman visit was overdue anyway;
I have Mini Eggs.

PS It’s always a wise idea to start up a PC somewhere accessible before closing it all up. Guess who had to pull it out of its hole again in order to put in a power lead that had come out …

I’m not really one for new years resolutions.

If they’re that important, I’ll have been following them already. If they’re New Years specials, I tend to forget them by the time I finish my first packet of Mini Eggs.

You know the ones I mean – the I must eat less, diet more, be more healthy resolutions. Being healthy isn’t something for a new year resolution temporary thing, it’s something that evolves over time.

(Note – I have absolutely no idea where this post is going, definite ramble time !)

What I eat has caused me lots of problems that I’m still recovering from. There is a falsehood that says that to be healthy, you must eat from a selection of munchies to cover dietary needs. You do need to cover those dietary needs but they will change according to what you are doing and it’s a fact of life that there are certain foods that some people can’t tolerate. Those differ between people.

For most people, pizza just makes you feel good and get chubby. For me, it does both of those but the cheese sparks off a lactose sensitivty that causes me to make too much acid. Not good when it kicks off while you’re trying to get to sleep.

I used to drink a fair bit of milk while I was still playing cricket – the abuse from running around and bouncing off things meant I needed the calcium in the milk to keep my bones happy. I don’t need the milk so much now (plus there’s that lactose tolerance thing).

There’s an eternal balance of calorie intake vs energy consumed. I have to admit, I’ve been eating too much and not exercising enough. It’s been making me heavier than I need to be.

So I’ll be continuing to keep an eye on what I eat and how I react to what I eat. I’m apparently sensitive to :

Lettuce – it sparked off the major skin allergy thing.
Orange – critical breathing problems – not good.
White flower – brown bread seems fine.
German market Bratwurst – cook your food right !
Hayfever tablets – yep, you read that right.

With all that though, there is a tolerance factor. I can have occasional hayfever tablets when I need them but if I went back to 2x 8 hour tablets every day, I bet I would have the same issues I had before I stopped taking them. And I need to get all those confirmed with an allergy test.

I’m getting healthier overall. My outsides are gradually recovering and healing, albeit slowly and it’s still easy to reverse that healing. I’m shaking off a bug at the moment which is in its 6th day. I’ll be sniffly at work tomorrow but hopefully not for long after. I do need to do more exercise though. My insides are … getting older. But they’re ok. The shoulder doesn’t hurt much at all at the moment and I’m very close to being able to wear the knee pads again that support weak knees.

I do need to get some stuff done though that doesn’t involve me :

Lots of jobs in the house …
I’ve had a drippy ballcock in the roof for ages now – I need to fix that. It’s been on hold while I figure out how to stop the supply to it (stuck tap, wrench applied, tap not stuck now).
Fixing the boiler. It makes hot water but it isn’t very happy about it. The house is heated by an electric fire and the computer. And I’m warm because we’re having an exceptionally mild winter.
Changing the meters. This is annoying. Having a smart meter is … unnecessary from my point of view, especially when it requires that I take a day off work in order to babysit the person changing the meters over.
And lots of other jobs that I think are necessary before I let someone else see this place. (Or the other long term objective of moving onto a boat).

I was also looking to spend some money on the pooter with a graphics card replacement. How come these jobs didn’t happen over the last week ? Having a cold kicking my butt has a little to do with that but it’s also the exhaustion that was building up over the past year. I need my sleep pattern back in order. The graphics card stayed in the shop (well, the warehouse!) due to stock shortages. Plus I’m fairly sure the prices will come down in the next few months and there will be more stock availability. The closest pooter shop to here is either Telford or Portsmouth (similar distances), other than that it’s trusting a £200 item to questionable couriers and having to be in to receive the item.

One resolution for you – if you don’t need to spend money on something, don’t. The old graphics card is still poorly (I suspect it’s why Flash videos are so crashy on this machine) but still supports the games I play (which isn’t actually that many at the moment !) so I can hang on until I want to spend my cash and not spend when the retailers are happy for me to spend it. Spending when the retailers are desperate is the route to discounts

This has been very texty so far hasn’t it …

This holiday’s been :
Restful while tiring – the travel does knock me out somewhat.
Solitary while loved – I’ve been on my own for most of it but it’s always good to see the family and Ben the Staffy.
(There’s been some controversy break out about animal cruelty with a twitch streamer being rightly kicked off their accounts and pics posted online of a cat in a monkey outfit – I don’t think that cat was too happy about that. Ben always gets ear scratches, belly rubs, strokes and a little bit of love in return for photos, especially when I wake him up or he notices while resting – he’s a loved dog)
Illness and recovering – my outsides are improved but it’s been annoying being affected by the cold bugs.
Presents ! I’ve read Man Plus, enjoyed that. Thank you CG ! It’s the tale of an astronaut subjected to heavy modifications to turn him into a cyborg that can live out in the open on Mars. And I got a game called Darkest Dungeon from the Steamgirl, I’ve enjoyed an early look at that but I’m going to wait until it’s on full release in January before diving into it more.
Lots of music – I reset the library playcounts at the start of the holiday and I’ve managed to listen to 2149 unique tracks (some several times) for 5.1 days worth of music (iTunes remembers and counts). Next album up is Velveteen by Transvision Vamp.
Beardy – last time I left the beard this long was in the worst days of my outsides being bad. My face was so torn up I couldn’t shave. Happily that didn’t last long. My bald patch has fixed (from an injury when I was 12!) but … beards = itchy.
Crickety – England have been playing well in South Africa, I’ve been enjoying watching some spectacular cricket.

Another resolution – I must play more of the games that I pick up in sales. I still haven’t flown my Elite Internet Spaceship since they enabled Planetary Landings. There’s also Alpha Protocol (shooty role play game), From The Depths (build an AI controlled Navy) and Planetbase (manage a colony on a hostile world).

But I do need to do more than just the games. Over this week, I want to get that ballcock repaired, which means a Mall run to get the parts. Not quite as easy as it sounds, it’ll take a couple of days to get back up to speed cos of this cold, plus the road mayhem will continue. I literally can’t drive out of my cul-de-sac some nights due to excessive traffic. I need to turn right into that traffic.

Too many words !

To finish off – one resolution we should all follow is : Be a better person.

This isn’t just being kinder to others, it’s also about not putting off the jobs that we need to do. Because it’s not right to foist those jobs off onto others. That’s one thing about living on my own, if the jobs aren’t done by me, they don’t get done. And I’ve neglected this place a little too much while I’ve been affected by the problems with my outsides.

There are a few places I’d like to go over the next few months :
London Boat Show (mebbe) – starts on Friday. Lots of travel though.
Bristol Planetarium – please someone give me the excuse to go ! 😉
More Comic Con – last year’s NEC Comic Con was magic, mostly due to the company.
And seeing more lovely people.

Cos I do mirror the people I’m around and it’s great to be around lovely people.

Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Little too long perhaps !

Before I dive in – it’s been a few quiet days for me, chilling, relaxing, recovering. It’s what I’ve needed after a tiring last few years (the end is happily in sight, more in a 2015 review post coming soon …). Plus I apparently picked up a cold … Minor cold but still noticeable.

I’ve been enjoying an early look at a game called Darkest Dungeon. It’s a pretty simple game, in Early Access so it’s not quite finished yet (doesn’t like the Steam chat overlay for one) but it has something really important : Character. You run an adventuring company where you take 4 people each time into the Dungeons. And they gradually gain stress which grants them neuroses. And those add character … like the masochistic guy who sees an iron maiden and goes “I wanna try that!”. Dark … but character that distinguishes it from many other very flat games.

Alphabet ?

I is for Insecurity. We all have this, even those who appear super confident.

It’s the private face that we hide behind what we show everyone else. It’s where self doubt creeps in and affects your ability to be at your best. It’s forgetting whether you’ve locked your front door and fretting about it all the way through a 180 mine trip to your mum and dad. What’s the book say ? It’s a disease that stems from negative self perceptions that say “I’m no good, I’m inadequate, I’m worthless.” It can steal our lives … but it can be overcome.

The voice saying those things comes from within, as we can be our own worst enemies. Well, you can reverse that. Remember the loving and loveable side, worthwhile and wonderful, inspiring and interesting.

I know a few people like that, they are being crippled by their insecurities. Yet I remember the loving, loveable, worthwhile, wonderful, inspiring, interesting sides of them that make them great people. Those sides are just masked by the insecurities but they’re still there.

I is for Imagination. That creative spark that generates ideas.

It’s that little boy who wants to be an astronaut and travel through space. That train driver who goes to new places. Games have stifled those dreams lately, as the games are driven down linear paths that squash the potenatial for going off the path. But the potential for imagination is coming back. From games like Minecraft (which I don’t play) which feed that creativity by enabling the building of structures driven by imagination. I’m hoping to get into From The Depths to create some rather odd looking (and hopefully pretty) ships.

The trick is to have the tools that allow you to transfer the pictures in your mind to something everyone else can see. My mum was seeing the pictures I was taking of Ben and thinking they were great and that I should show them to a wider audience (I’m happy with the audience I have, it’s small but I like you and the Facebook people). The camera is one tool for capturing what I see and hopefully getting a chuckle out of people.

The book has a lovely passage : Think really deeply about something. Then don’t think about it at all. See what pops up. Then, once you’ve had an idea, make it real. A cake isn’t a cake until it’s cookied*.

*(yep – freudian typo).

I need to investigate the possibility of using my iPad as an art pad. It’s been so long since I drew. I could use pencil and capture the output in my scanner but I’m curious about using the iPad for it. It’s one thing asking Google for pictures of dragons, it’s another being able to translate what’s in my mind to something I can capture and post.

J is for Jealousy.

This is a really nasty emotion. It has us looking without at other people and what they have, instead of recognising what we have already. It’s a lack of trust too.

It kills the love it seeks to protect. It can remind you of who and why you love but it brings with it pain and anxiety and heartbreak. To save a relationship, lose your jealousy (remember the love). It isn’t easy, it takes time and effort. Truthfulness and trust, patience and perseverence, reality checks and reassurance. It’s a labour of love.

It’s one thing to want to be with someone all the time, it’s another thing entirely to think you own that person’s time. People need their space ! To own someone’s time is to trap them. And people are much better free than in cages. Back to insecurity, especially when that cage is in their own mind. Be the person that someone wants to spend time with because there are no jealous judgments when you see each other.

Have the trust to believe that a person loves you above all others while respecting their need to run their own lives. There is no need for jealousy, seek joy instead.

J is for Joy !

It’s that glee on Ben’s face when it’s time for meatscraps. It was having to peel Scruff off the ceiling when someone mentioned the word “Walkies”. It was Goldie having the freedom to run at maximum speed.

I didn’t get Joy that much with the cricket, as it usually submerged below concentration. But there were more than a few times where I went haring off around the field with my arms in aeroplane wings after seeing the stumps fly. The joy was there but it was balanced by respect for the opposition and by knowing that there was still a job to be done to win the game.

It is the happiness found deep within. It comes from our soul, not from external things. Look inside and feel the joy, soon those around you will feel it too.

There’s a lovely picture in the book too. It depicts several grey men hiding under umbrellas as the rain comes down. And one pretty lady with an inside-out brolly smiling up at the rain.

I wonder whether this is what people see when they see my grin. Most people can’t help themselves but grin back, which brings a little more joy to me too.

So yeah.

Insecurity leads to a mental paralysis which makes us a shadow of what we can be. Sometimes it needs a reminder that we are awesome people. Listen to supporting people that you trust, it can help you remember the lovely.
Imagination sends us in wonderful directions that we didn’t think we’d go in. It lets us free our creativity. It lets us develop new skills (cough – plumbing – cough).
Jealousy leads to unhappy feelings. It creates a trap where the key to the lock is trust.
And a little joy is what we should all be looking at having and passing on.

Be more dog. Feel that joy of heading out and feeling that fresh air. Of smiling at someone and having an answering grin. By surprising someone having a hard day* with some politeness. That feeling when someone you like sends you a happy message.

*(thinking of all those people working retail in one of the worst times of the year for it!)

I hope this post gives you a little joy too.

Back today after seeing the mum and dad over Christmas.

Well, actually back last night but that was far too late to write out a post. And probably more rattled than I should be by the standards of driving on the roads at the moment. It’s odd. It should be those who should know better who are misbehaving most. It’s not the kids without driving experience, it’s the older drivers who drive very obnoxiously. You know what I mean, the ones who habitually speed and tailgate.

It goes past that too – when I went to Bath, on the way back I followed someone who had two broken brake lights. His centre brake light still worked but if that went ? He’d have a certain smash from someone who didn’t see him braking. His response to me flashing him when he used his brakes (I do this twice but no more – more would be obnoxious in itself) was to put his fog lights on. Yep, respond to someone telling you that you have a serious problem with your vehicle with a bit of the obnoxious.

But enough about the bad stuff.

I had a good chilled out extended weekend with the family, including heading off to see the sister and D Senior (D Junior was off with his grandmum). It’s always good to catch up with the family. We think it’s one thing that really disrupted Ravenwolf’s thinking. She came from a very disfunctional family group and really couldn’t understand how people could be together for so long, getting on well. I prefer our version of family life, I didn’t like being exposed to her’s because I found it quite stressful.

And there’s this fella :

He was very close to saying Hi but was being distracted by smells of meatscraps. Ben’s a typical Staffy, he’s a bundle of love on four legs. He’s very definitely a People Dog. He likes to be around people, he’ll give them a sniff, followed by a big slurp. Especially if there are meatscraps involved.

Alhough it is possible to distract him away from the meatscraps sometimes. I actually took a few more pictures of Old Ben this weekend but they tended to disappear into motion blur like this one is doing with his head and that endlessly wagging tail. This was Ben saying “Happy Bacon and Turkey Day and Please Can I have Some More”.

It’s not all about Ben though, there’s a very active avian community that comes to visit the bird tables. Tough to get pictures of them though (I didn’t have my good camera with me so it was the slow shutter, no zoom iPhone)

It can get a bit too much for Ben sometimes though. This was while Xmas dinner was on the way and our Ben had to take himself away and went for the Apply Nose Directly To Pillow solution to avoid all the lovely smells coming out of the kitchen.

Bit tuckered out too our Ben. He’s getting very old now, we think he may have 1, maybe 2 more Xmases in him. He’s at a good weight, not too thin, not the barrel that he has been. His outside coat is in very good condition. He shows his age in that distinguished grey of his muzzle and a need to often take himself off somewhere quiet for a little sleep when it gets too much for him. Always around his people mind.

But he’ll always jump up and go bouncy when there’s a prospect of meat scraps.

Oh yes. There’s always room for more meatscraps.

We had a chance to see the sister’s two dogs when we visited. They’re a bit too protective and territorial though, so they get exiled to the backyard when visitors come. That doesn’t stop Murph though doing a Kilroy check to see if the visitors have meatscraps.

Yep. If you asked a dog what the Holy Grail looked like, it would be his dinner bowl, piled high with meatscraps.

Back to Ben – I entered the kitchen and did not emerge with meatscraps. Ben was very disappointed in me.

(You might notice a bit of a burr on his left paw there too – Ben might be heading for the Cone Of Shame … but it seemed to be improving over the weekend).

Ben’s a little camera shy but if you can catch him, he’s a gorgeous pooch. This is him making sure we got his best side.

But all good things have to come to an end. Ben is very attached to his people and misses them when they go. I actually caught him having another little sleep there but he does figure out when his people are going to go away for a while.

Right – time to get back to paying attention to the cricket on the telly (England took an advantage this morning and I’m watching it on time delay). I’m also watching the Totalbiscuit Arbitrary Game Awards. And I need to get more munchie supplies at some point.

Oh and I want to make my own virtual navy at some point too (a game called From The Depths that looks amazing) and I’ll be delving in some Dark Dungeons too.

Cya ! Hope you got lots of good loot (I did, I’m in the middle of reading Man Plus plus I got a few more things) and good munchies but most of all, great company.