Month: January 2012

Been on my diet for a few months now.

Ok, it’s not a real “have a weird formula milkshake instead of sensible meals” diet and it doesn’t have any real theory to it except for applying a bit of moderation to what I consume. As in :

Only eat stuff when hungry
Munch in moderation
Avoid grazing
Not over indulging

Thinking of that : time to put tonight’s dinner on … Done ! Completely changing what I eat could quite quickly lead to problems anyway because I seem to be sensitive to things like cheese (and cucumber – makes me throw up)

It’s more discipline for continuing with munching what I used to but having less of it. Cookie packets are definitely lasting longer. Not had pizza for ages, although that’s partly due to Pizzahut stopping the offer that favours single people. Dominos might be getting another shot (requires a car trip, Pizzahut is in walking distance).

So yeah – cookie moderation instead of cookie monster.

How’s it been going ? People have been noticing me being a bit smaller …

The scales do not lie ! Or maybe they do because I doubt whether they’re in any way accurate any more.

I started at a little over 14 stone, which for my current build is probably 2 stone overweight. 12 stone is still heavy … but I’m allowing myself that because I have quite heavy legs that let me Run Very Fast. Or rather, they would if they didn’t have the ballast to tug around.

I’ve not lost tonnes of weight, that was never the intention. Losing weight too rapidly will cause you problems and it’s likely to go right back on again. The last time I had sick time off work (ages ago), I couldn’t eat for several days and probably lost a full stone over that time. The next week, that weight was right back on again. Starvation diets will do no long term good whatsoever. The plan has always been to enact a new discipline and lose the weight steadily.

So far the weight loss tally is 7-10 pounds. The variation there is because my weight will go up or down a couple of pounds within half a day. The minimum I’ve spotted so far is 13st2lbs this morning. Happy days.

What have I noticed with it so far ?

I have more energy … Dunno if this is the weight loss, the metabolism getting quicker or just Positive Mental Attitude … but I definitely have more energy. I’m having to watch myself due to hyperactivity. When I go hyper, I have to consciously check myself and what I do because I’ll miss stuff I should catch automatically. It’s not carelessness, it’s just moving on to the next thing before the check bit is done.

Brr. Cold. It’s turned colder over the past few days and I’m reaaaaallly feeling it. Must have less insulation, although you’d have thought the hyperactivity manicness would keep me warm.

I can dance … Not in the strut my stuff in a nightclub kind of way (I have 2 left feet) but the old agility and quickness of feet is returning. At my previous weight, I think I’d have run someone over a couple of times by now but managed to avoid the corridor collisions. And my legs were healthy enough on the walk to the car tonight to let me go Maximum Speed. That’s walking with a stride so long you’re in danger of splitting your trousers.

People are noticing … Did I say that already ?

Me being littler is being spotted. Ok, that’s the third time I’ve said that but I’m quite pleased that MiniMizingMe is noticeable.

I do need to figure out a balance though, as my salt/potassium balance is off. That tends to be quite crucial with me as if it’s off, I get cramps which tear up my muscles. But I think I’ll manage to figure it out before the summer’s cricket.

PS I promise not to take it too far and go anorexic. The first time someone says “You’re too thin ! Have a PIZZA”, I’ll come running.

I like Snow.

Although it’s a bad idea for my shoulder, I like throwing snowballs at people. I’m usually nimble enough too to have a chance to dodge out the way of Revenge Snowballs. I was the first person a few years ago to have a Snowman – I went out in late evening and built a miniature Snowthing on one of my wheelybins. And I really miss having a SnowSmiley picture on my phone to show random people who I think are in need of seeing a Big Grin.

SnowThing pic : is at this post
(he looks kinda pissed there)
SnowSmiley : is at this other post
(the SnowSmiley pic was from my last phone)

Had the first snow for a while this morning but it was very light and didn’t stick around. Think we need to offer prayers to the Snow Gods for more snow. At least for a couple of days because the snow novelty tends to wear thin about 5 seconds after you get stuck for the first time.

My last car had a habit of getting me halfway to work fine. And then the traction control and ABS would cry “NO MORE !” and disable themselves. Usually precisely halfway. Not sure what this one will do – it has less power, more weight, better weight distribution but double the torque. Could be interesting on ice. But it’ll be better than the Puma which only had very crude traction control.

Other stuff – I got to meet my sister’s bloke over the weekend. He can stay. We gathered together for my dad’s birthday (he’s 21 + a lot). And it was a pretty chilled out weekend too. And SuperWaitress at the Swanholme thought I’d lost a stone since I was last there too, which made me grin. (Actual tally is 0.5 stone)

More other stuff – my mind is a little muddled at the moment because I’m worried about a couple of people at work … And my reaction to it. I’m recognising a huge case of deja vu in what’s going on there. Both situations. Although the deja vu is more applicable to one than the other :

Depression is nasty – and I can recognise the hopelessness that inspires it from a few incidents in my past. I’m lucky though that my depression cycles have been due to events rather than chemical/biological issues.
Breakups are as bad – except that other people are involved. Depression tends to be a solitary problem, which makes it harder for other people to realise how big the problem is.

I can still remember the long drawn out heartache from when my last major relationship broke up. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. In my case, it was my partner walking out and demanding her cut of the equity we’d gained in the house. I believe she thought that I would have to sell up, however I was confident (with the knowledge I’d been paying about 3/4 of the mortgage anyway and the major bills) that I’d be able to ride it through. It still cost me a 5 figure sum to buy her out though, which worked out to extra money on the mortgage, a reset of the 25 year clock and some lean times for the next few years.

(That’s the first time I’ve exposed that truth outside very few people, like count ’em on one hand)

What made it worse is that Evil Ex* continued on with a theme of upsetting people, to the point where she rapidly alienated herself from my little circle of valued friends. *I only use the name “Evil Ex” because of the alliteration factor 🙂 Alienation factor gone, alliteration amusement factor – high 🙂 I’d like to think I’m over it to the point of being able to give a hug if we meet again socially … but it does take two people to make a hug.

The house equity was only half of it though. For at least six months after, I caused myself untold self inflicted emotional damage by rebounding left and right on people where I was quite frankly, kidding myself. Rejection can do nasty things to a mind already grieving for a relationship. I’m curious as to how other people saw me over those 6-12 months. I know I was a mess inside.

Yep – it hit me hard and still affects me, although not nearly as much as when the wounds were open and bleeding. But because I’ve been through it, I can recognise the hell that might be about to erupt for a certain person.

I hope it doesn’t work out that way – I always have my fingers crossed for Good Things, even if I’m just watching from the outside.

Oh dear – I’ve Wall Of Texted again. Last word – if you think someone around you has lost Hope, give ’em a helping hand. A little “I believe in you” can go a long way with a person who has lost sight of something to hope for. And if there’s one thing I do so much it could be counted as a fault (definitely causes my Real Boss exasperation!), it’s help people out where I can. (Although communication skills and confidence gets in the way of people asking)

Awwwww :

(click for bigger)

PS Managed to not kill anyone on the roads yesterday 🙂

Grr.

As the Facebook status says :

“Think i’ve operated solely on fumes and self anger and loathing today. No breaks, bacon sarnie or lunch, just starting to get hungry. Home time.”

I get really cranky when I’m hungry. And the reason for the self anger and loathing is self inflicted. Plan for today was to get in early for a meeting and then use the flexi credit to head off early to watch live cricket. Didn’t happen that way.

Grr.

But – the stuff done today will lay the groundwork for stuff later (need to do something fast on Monday though to cut a bit of time out of how long a different job will take).

Stopping later means I don’t watch live cricket but I’ll have the highlights on later after an episode of A Town Called Eureka (great series). That’s probably a +.

Working at 120% means I got stuff done but I completely forgot to get lunch (missed breakfast bacon as a self-punishment) which I’ll pay for later when I travel.

Need to make sure my head’s right for the travelling later. If I’m still angry at myself then I could well be a danger to others. Certain checks I have as part of “ME” get bypassed when I drive. I’m sure everyone can relate to that due to how instinctive you need to be while driving because of all the other idiots on the roads.

I’m my own worst enemy and my own worst critic although, unless I go to that instinctive level of operating, no one else will be allowed to see it.

Anything for a friend Dawnie 🙂

"Something you should tell your #2mum?" Maybe. Although it's complicated.

Kit car – would be fun 🙂 I was wondering if I'd bump into your MB at the Exeter show but the photo face memory didn't spot anything.

Special Person?
Something you should tell your #2mum? 🙂
And I love that you want to build a kit car. You want to ride along with the Much Beloved sometime – should be no problem.

cq

Awww, thanks for the shout out Pete 🙂

Welcome back to blogging to Dawnie 🙂 (link’s been added in the sidebar)

Thought I wouldn’t put a post in tonight but Dawn’s first one caught the eye so much I had to steal it :

Outside My Window :

Is more light. In the daytime at least. Because it’s winter, all the leaves have fallen off the overgrowth out the back so the light can get in. Must clear it properly so I get light in the summer …

I am thinking :


Bzzzzzzzz. I’m flicking between hyperactivity and hypoactivity at the moment. When I’m hyperactive, my thinking is usually going 3 times the speed of normal. Think hamster on coffee. I have to watch myself because I’m more prone to saying or doing something without thinking it through properly. Or I’ll just trip up over myself and look like a stammering idiot. But I do like the hyperactivity, it usually comes from me doing something right.

I am thankful for :

Being in a great team (although its days are numbered) and on a great project. Really feel like we’ve achieved something with the work that’s been put in. When times got hard, we pulled together and sorted things out. Despite the disruptive efforts of people outside the team. Our results shine for themselves, their silly questions got answered with “We got it right all along”. We’ve been blessed with a consistent stream of committed professional people who have been awesome to know.

From the kitchen :

Is coming murmuring from the cupboards. It’s the lemon minimuffins shouting “Eat me”, competing with the Mini Eggs that are whispering “You know you wantit”

I am wearing :

Earlier – suit for work. Now it’s white fleecey top over orange t-shirt with an alien type sticker with “Just visiting” on it. Thought that was apt. Finish that off with comfy trousers to let my leg get more healing air.

I am creating :

Same. Not a lot. Apart from mess. I’d like to build a kit car at some point but don’t have the facilities to do it. I’ll also need to keep my current car for a lot of years so I can afford one.

I am reading :

At home ? Not enough. I’m stalled on Game Of Thrones. When I get home from work, I’m not usually that interested in doing that much outside of websurfing. I guess the last story I went through was in the Deus Ex Human Revolution game. It’s not a paper novel, it’s probably more. There’s as much story in there as some novels (more maybe) and you are at the centre of it instead of looking in from the outside.

At work, today I reviewed a System Requirements Document, which is more intense than reading a book as you need to put mental energy into making sure the document is right. If you don’t, you have trouble buying what you want and what you get may not be what you wanted. I think my comments from today will help.

I am hoping :

That the darn car alarm won’t go off again. It’s gone off twice that I’ve noticed but not since I disabled the smart entry system. I also have other hopes that I’m going to tease people with by not saying what they are 🙂

Around the house :

Is way too much clutter. I have a couple of essential maintenance jobs to do. I need to catch up with housework. And I need to have a massive clearout of all the rubbishy paper junk I have trouble letting go of.

I am looking forward to :

Silencing those minimuffins in the kitchen. And the next cakes that appear at work. Also the next Craziemob gathering. But most of all is seeing if I can persuade a Very Special Guest to join us for that next Craziemob gathering.

If I could change one thing, it would be :

Being so injury prone. I’m getting many reminders now of things broken in the past. I’d like to have a shoulder that’s completely working instead of the broken one I do have. Apart from that, I wouldn’t change the 2 relationships now gone or other “mistakes” as I’ve learned a lot from all of those experiences. And I think I’ve improved as a person through them. But I would like to have less underlying pain from shoulder, wrist, legs, back.

One of my favourite things :

My most favourite thing is making people smile. Hence one habit of writing nice things about people on here. Oh and running full speed such that the wind rustles past my ears. Must get back into cricket this year.

A few plans for the rest of the week :

Travelling this weekend but apart from that, not much. I’ll chill out tomorrow, maybe get back in time from work on Friday to watch a little cricket.

Sometimes my head behaves so strangely even I can’t keep track of it.

Currently on a bit of a downer even though I have no reason whatsoever for it. I’ve had lots of reasons to be grinning today :

Mrs Sunshine was back after a birthday. Which meant cakes. Which meant lots of chances to say Happy Birthday (while stealing a cake). And you can bet that I found a few excuses to say Happy Birthday to Mrs Sunshine and get that wonderful smile in response.

And I definitely don’t believe the claimed age. It’s lies. Mrs Sunshine can be no older than 21.

There is always the amazing Snow Queen, who happily seems in good cheer at the moment. Our Snow Queen has been one of the best things about working on my project since almost Day 1 (she joined after 6 months) and it was a really sad day when she left for another project a little while ago. That seemed like a good idea at the time (10 years on a project is a Long Time), even though the inner voice was going “You can’t leave – Don’t go !” 🙂

Was over the moon when I heard our Snow Queen was coming back. She does things her way, which is not always the way we ask her to do stuff. Nope. Things get done the Right Way. Engineer instructions are often well intentioned but quite bad for keeping things straight, we just patch over the gaps with duck tape. People like our Snow Queen, Queen Bee and Superspy (who’s retired now) help us maverick engineers in not putting our fingers in the firey stuff.

There’s also The Boss, who returned from a baby break last year and got straight back into the swing of things barely missing a beat. Despite engineers asking daft questions.

Where would we be without them ? Probably forever hunting for the information we need to get stuff done.

That’s enough about people (for now at least). Work wise I managed to finish something off today which I thought would take longer. Happy about that because it was meeting minutes, which I hate because I start doubting a memory I expect to be perfect (I have a photographic memory that’s nowhere near perfect and it works better with stuff I’ve read than stuff I’ve heard). Got that done despite a few “Do Immediate” distractions which needed some serious headscratching.

Last week I got to see what I’ve been working on, which is amazing. Walking in from car park to office, I allowed out a happy “Hello Diamond”. We’re more visible in the news these days and it’s great seeing something go from paper and powerpoint to actual living steel. I bet I’d feel the same way if I joined the kit car world as the car steadily came to life.

So things are actually going ok, there’s just something in my head that’s blocking the Be Happy message.

I suspect a little of that might be having less interaction with people at home compared to work. Since leaving the WoW world, I’ve missed having that chance to dip in and out of chat in the evening. I think I needed that as a crutch after my last relationship broke up.

But it’ll also be down to lack of sleep. I’ve been running light on sleep lately with being captured in the Deus Ex world and last night was especially bad. I went to bed at a reasonable time but due to legs being really sore, probably only got maybe 2 hours of sleep.

That’s not enough. Will try to make up for that tonight (finished the second DXHR run last night) and hopefully that’ll be without needing the Rubber Mallet.

Oh ! Happy Birthday Mrs Sunshine (again) ! 🙂 And I shall hit “Publish Post” and treat myself to one of the mini-muffins in the cupboard in honour of your “It’s definitely 21, it has to be”.

Just watched Black Swan. I missed this one in the cinema as the Craziemob didn’t really want to see it (can’t remember actually, it could have been part of the summer/winter film glut). I like to catch up with the major films I’ve missed, films like Thelma & Louise where I need to know the background to a couple of new codenames 🙂

Thought I’d do a classical music post in honour of Black Swan. How about Black Swan ? This is a seriously brilliant, crazy, beautiful, insane movie showing the descent into madness of a ballerina. It’s scary and one reason for that is the doubt on screen. I’m sure everyone reading this will recognise how inner doubt can be crippling and how it can drive you deeper under a cloud of “is what I’m doing right ?”.

Black Swan – see it, at least once. The soundtrack is amazing too with it complementing the acting on screen, I’m thinking about buying it just for that. But … I don’t think I will as it’s one of those movies I’d only want to watch once.

Anyway – classical music. I have a decent amount of this in the library and I thought I’d pick out 10 of the favourites :

1 – In The Hall Of The Mountain King by Grieg. This is one of the highlights from Peer Gynt and is a favourite of many, being seen in games, movies, ads, you name it. If you’ve missed it, here it is performed by the Lego Symphonic Orchestra.

2 – In all my years of gaming, only one game has come close to provoking a tear. That game is Homeworld and the opening mission ends with you returning to your home planet to find it in ruins and burning. All you can do is escape with the few colonists you can rescue. Where the emotional impact really kicks is with the soundtrack, it’s Adagio for Strings by Barber. In fact, I returned to this game for another go a few years ago. And I felt the tears again at that sequence.

Music can do that to you.

Third on my list is Raindrop by Chopin. I admire elegance over almost everything else and the timing of the piano of this piece is just pure elegance. That’s from the raindrop like timing of the individual notes, through the counterpoint of the two piano parts and into the movement between parts of the piece. Here’s Raindrop played by “Anonymous passionnée”

4th is for the fourth planet in our solar system, Mars. This opens the Planets suite by Holst. I’d agree with a few of the comments for the YT video “How can you listen to this and not burst into applause immediately?”

5th is for the Doctor and the season where the best modern Doctor came in. Here’s his theme from the start of season 6 “I am the Doctor in Utah”. Ok, it’s not Classical in the purist sense but I’d be inclined to term soundtracks as New Classical. It’s just that instead of having ballet as a backdrop, they form the counterpoint to action on screen.

6 – Talking of ballet and remembering what prompted this post showing my occasional love for Classical, here’s the American Ballet with the finale to Swan Lake.

7 – Is going to be from Carnival Of The Animals by Saint-Saëns. But which one ! This has many favourites including Aquarium, Fossiles and the cd I have with it also has Dance Macabre. Meh – I’ll nominate the whole piece, a collection of fourteen movements that are all classics in their own right.

8 – If I’m including soundtracks, I have to include something from Scifi that had me caught in the Star Trek universe. The original Star Trek Motion Picture came with a Jerry Goldsmith soundtrack, who has been one of the gods of soundtracks for years. Here’s the introduction to the refitted Enterprise. Delicate, Grace & Majesty combined. The Star Wars theme is good but this is better. Sorry Mr Williams !

9 – Claire de Lune by Debussy. I doubt many non-classical fans could name this but they will recognise it instantly. It’s one you can close your eyes and drift away to.

10 – Lastly, from Last Night of The Proms is the Pomp and Circumstance March from Elgar. If anything sums up the pride and character of Britons, this is it. This is the Land of Hope and Glory, straight from the Royal Albert.

Hope you enjoy those as much as I have digging them out of Youtube 🙂 I shall have to queue them up on iTunes later as listening to them on laptop speakers with badly compressed sound does them no justice whatsoever.

And there’s far too much that’s missed this random selection of 10, no Bach, no Tchaikovsky, no Beethoven, no Mozart, no Mussorgsky. I shall have to investigate record shops …