Sleepypete's Pillow

That’s right, after almost 4 months, I’ve almost finished going through all the B albums in the collection.

To be honest, there’s been some randoms in there along the way. I’ve managed to listen to just over 5000 tracks of a 12000 library now. I’ve been doing it by listening to a semi-random selection of albums, in between single tracks from albums. And because the “unlistened to tracks” list is done by album (because things like compilations have lots of different artists), I’ve been going through from A to Z on the albums.

And I’ve just about got through the B’s now. So – what’s in there ?

Well – a lot of Best Of’s for a start ! Let’s leave those until later.

Baby The Stars Shine Bright Tonight by Everything But The Girl. This group has all the ingredients, except for decent songs. Their Amplified Heart album had points of greatness but this one is very weak. And they just re-released it too. Glad I got it for something like £1 from Hay !

Aimee Mann’s Bachelor No 2 – I need more from Aimee Mann. I like her voice. And the songs are good too.

Kate Bush’s Back Sides – this is a little piece of history. It’s an album from over 20 years ago that we had on vinyl. That format was lost to me until my dad got a device that can transfer from vinyl to cd. It’s a TEAC machine that works fairly well, although the transport can hop and skip. There’s an All About Eve b-side that I’ve not listened to for 20 years that’s still good, shame it hops the stylus off the disc before the end.

Anyway – Back Sides – b sides will surprise you. Hopefully it’s B sides that are new and fresh. Some artists just use remixes of the A-side as extra tracks. That’s really bad. I prefer to listen to new tracks. And sometimes, they’re better than what makes it on to albums. Take some of the Alisha’s Attic B sides … Here’s one from the vaults – most B sides are definitely Too Far Forgotten.

There’s game soundtracks in here too. One of the things about Good Old Games (Gog.com) is that the games are not just cheap, you get lots of extras in there too. I have all the soundtracks from the Dungeons and Dragons games, with the B’s offering the Baldur’s Gate soundtracks. Great games (that I never finished – lol!) with outstanding mood setting soundtracks.

Talking of a mood setting soundtrack – Band of Brothers. This series presented the horrors, the comradeship, the hardship of World War 2 from the point of view of a company of US Airborne paratroopers. If you’ve not seen Band Of Brothers, I’d thoroughly recommend it. It’s strange, at the end you feel like you want to see more but you don’t want the men to suffer more.

Soundtracks ? Barbarella will be an all time scifi classic. It’s definitely a movie of its time (1968) and it has Jane Fonda at her most gorgeous. Scifi, Jane Fonda, what’s not to like ? Perhaps the cheesiness. I still enjoyed it when I watched it last.

There’s a bit of classical here too – Barber’s Adagio for Strings will have you weeping, depending on what it’s attached too. I also have a rather sizable Beethoven collection in here (bought for mebbe £1 off Amazon!). And there’s the Battle Of Britain soundtrack too plus not one but two Battlestar Galactica soundtracks, the Beastmaster (yep).

Yep. I may have a music collecting addiction ;-).

Bastion is a game I bought on the strength of what people say about it but I haven’t played it yet because it will need a controller I don’t own (yet). The soundtrack is outstanding.

Garbage come in with two albums – Beautiful and Bleed Like Me. I like Garbage, they make strong indie rock, backed up by the sexy/vicious vocals of Shirley Mansun. Compelling.

What else ? I’ll leave the Best Of’s for another post maybe cos … Wall Of Text alarm !
Suzanne Vega’s – Beauty & Crime – good but not really special.
Tori Amos – The Beekeeper – like most Tori Amos, there’s awesome tracks mixed in with the mediocre. The title track (The Beekeeper) is special and is guaranteed to have me try and sing along.
Beiderbeck Affair – little bit of smooooooth jazz, which formed the soundtrack for a very charming series with James Bolam and Barbara Flynn.
Avril Lavigne – The Best Damn Thing. Well, perhaps not the best but she always tries really hard and makes music that’s fun to bop along to.
Beverly Craven’s Beverly Craven album – some good ones here too, wouldn’t mind getting some more of hers, although the songwriting can be weak again.
Beyond Good & Evil – is a game I need to finish, if only cos the incidental music is pretty good.

Morcheeba is a group I really shouldn’t like but do anyway. They have two albums in here, Big Calm started them off for me, Fear And Love is a highlight. But there’s also the  decent Blood Makes Lemonade album.

Goldfrapp’s Black Cherry definitely isn’t their best but it’s more listenable to than most of their first. Quite disco-ey but not as good as Supernature. They have a film event coming up at the start of March which I’m highly likely to attend. (And probably be the only one in the cinema !)

Paramore are here too with Brand New Eyes. I think this may be their best album, they went backwards a little on their latest. No tracks of the calibre of The Only Exception.

Uhoh – I really have blown through Wall Of Text haven’t I … and that’s without the Best Of’s. T’Pau were a band that burned bright for a short time, Bridge Of Spies had the classic China In Your Hand.

Ellie Goulding has just entered a corner of my heart with her Bright Light’s album. Interesting, may look for more.
But there’s a whole side of my heart reserved for Hannah Peel, her Broken Wave album is wonderful. More !

Dire Straits – Brothers In Arms. Of course …
Bugsy Malone soundtrack. Kids doing 1920s/30s prohibition gangsters with spud guns instead of tommy guns. Fun movie with memorable soundtrack.

And finally – Don Henley’s Building the Perfect Beast. It’s a very manufactured pop album with not much that really stands out. Except … I hope I recover enough with enough in my legs to support a bit more cricket with the Boys Of Summer.

I’ve been seeing a few things lately about people’s size and shape.

People like to criticize, people love to comment. People judge. People bully. People try to impose their world view on others. And nothing more than the subject of size :

They’re fat ! They’re skinny ! They’re too tall ! They’re too skinny !

I don’t hold with that. We are all, to a certain extent, tied to a certain size and shape. Our bodies will tend to a certain size and shape, whatever we do to try and change that. Some people will be big, some tiny, some ultra-skinny, some super-cuddly. And you know what ?

All those shapes have their own kind of beauty.

We should never judge a person by their size and shape. To do so is assuming that we know all about the history of what made them that way. It assumes we know their genetics, that we know their habits, in some way their ethics (vegetarianism is another thing I’d never judge someone for and I hope I’m not judged for having omnivore ethics).

In my case, I have thin and tall person genes from my dad’s side bumping up against healthy short genes on my mum’s side. It combines to make someone spectacularly … average. Lol. And then my snack habits come in to make me a little bigger than I should be. I have a couple of reasons to watch my own weight as if I get too large :

I can’t run Very Fast
It affects my breathing
My knees decide they don’t like me any more

It’s that middle one that’s the most important thing. We should never comment on someone else’s size and shape. Sure, I do worry about some people but I won’t add to their own problems by being cruel enough to point it out. And the worry is more about their health than any conforming to an ideal. If I stress, I reach for the biscuits and that rarely helps with the diet. I bet I’m not alone with that reaction to stress 😉 I’ll judge my own size but I’d never inflict that judgment on another.

Weight bites on two fronts :

The ones who starve themselves to fit the supermodel shape. Please ! Don’t do this. A person who is starving skin and bones is not nearly as attractive as someone with healthy curves. Curves are a good thing.
(Note “starving” – I know someone who is ultra thin, whatever they do. I bet most of the dieters of the world would envy her genes !)
The ones who are past that point of “large” that they incur other medical problems. There’s only so much space in here, the breathing problems I mention above is when the chubbiness squeezes my lungs. That’s not happened for ages though and it was probably allergies anyway.
The ones who over exercise. And I mean that. There were two gents in Bristol centre at the weekend trying to attract people into their gym. If it meant being their shape (they had big muscles but it had apparently turned to fat), then I’m off running in the other direction. And being too fit can have its disadvantages, I have too much muscle in my legs and it causes painful problems with the knees and shins.

But I do know a few people who are past that healthy point of large. One I believe is in a viscious circle where the medication to let her breathe more easily makes her bigger, which means there’s less space for her lungs, which makes it harder to breathe. That’s an example of where someone’s history affects their natural size. They can’t help being bigger than they should be and we should not be making them feel worse about a problem they are already fully aware of due to living with it.

I’ll reiterate – whatever size we are, there is beauty in all sizes and shapes.

Unless, we decide to mar that beauty by inflicting a false world view on others. Like expecting everyone to fit into supermodel shapes. The supermodel shape is not natural and never will be.

Don’t worry about not fitting into an ideal. Be the shape you are meant to be. Embrace it. And remember – big means bigger hugs.

Whatever size someone is, they will still get that massive trademark Sleepypete Grin if I see them. And you know what ? The Grin earned several Pretty Lady Smiles in return today. And that’s from all shapes and sizes. I see the beauty in all of those and I think that translates through to the Big Grin.

Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Size matters not. Especially if there’s a smile involved.

Cos a smile from a Pretty Lady is guaranteed to make my day.

PS If you see comments like “little lady” here, it tends to be about height. If they’re shorter than me, they’re “little”, if they’re taller than me … hmm. Come to think of it, doesn’t happen that often ! But I won’t use “big” cos that can be totally taken the wrong, judging, way.

New shiny has arrived ! Yey !

(warning – Star Trek spoilers ahead)

I have been really pleased with the Lexus CT but the new IS is just so much better. Tomorrow’s plan was to chill out in front of the Six Nations rugby opening weekend but a wander around the middle of Bristol is looking very tempting.

Any chance to play with the new toy.

I joked the other day about a potential name for it being Khan. That came from remembering a scene from the latest Star Trek movie and placing the CT and the IS in the place of the two major protagonists with the IS’s response to the CT being : “I am Better. At Everything” (1:47 in the trailer). Hope that didn’t seem too arrogant at the time. The way Benedict Cumberbatch says it in Into Darkness is incredibly arrogant. It’s like someone looking at a cockroach. He’s actually supremely awesome in that part and steals the movie. I feel the need to watch it again.

I put up a Facebook update earlier which said : “I would get out of the car but a b*witched track is playing and it sounds bloody gorgeous”. Which it did. And that is a freely made admission that I like certain b*witched tracks (Blame It On The Weatherman). And it did sound great, as good as most domestic hifi systems.

As an aside there – Bluetooth compatibility has been mentioned as a problem. I believe it’s the phone that’s at fault (I have an iPhone 5). Some things are more compatible than others. It’s early days but I’ve seen no problems with iPhone 5 + Lexus compatibility in 1 CT and 2 IS’s. But then again, I think I have a “good” iPhone 5 instead of one with broken bits. My Macbook Air is similar. Apple makes great kit but their quality control seems variable sometimes – I suspect my Macbook Air has weak wifi hardware.

Actually – it sounded better in the car than it’s doing on my desktop’s speakers at the moment (listening to it in the background). They only cost me a tenner but they’ve always sounded acceptable.

Lots of shinies on the car but the big reason for change is 220 system bhp instead of 135 system bhp. They call it “system” because the engine has 178 bhp, the motors have 140 bhp. Together, that’s 318 bhp but on the road, it’s limited to keep everything happy. Electric motors give their maximum power and torque at low speeds, engines give that at higher speeds. The “system” power comes somewhere in the middle.

Ignoring the numbers, it means that it copes with hills much better and it’s far easier to maintain an even 70mph on the motorway. I used to have to engage Sport on the CT (for more motor power) to avoid constantly going up and down the mph’s which costs mpgs. The CT claimed 69mpg, the best I got was 57 on a 100 mile + run and it averaged 50 through life. The IS claims 60.5mpg and I’m hoping it achieves 50 as well with the better flexibility.

So yeah, I’ll be looking for excuses to take it places.

But – after two long weeks with lots to do, I’m super tired. So tired I’ve been ignoring the gaming lately. I think I will be sleeping a long time tomorrow.

Actually – that’s one big change. I’ve been getting more sleep ! The skin problems are definitely normalising and healing up. I still have to be careful to not damage it. That’s easy. Not as easy as before when it felt like if I looked at my arms funny, they’d leak. But I still need that care. I’m thankful it hasn’t developed into full blown PA, as that’s a brutal condition to live with.

I could do with having a really easy day tomorrow watching the rugby but I am severely tempted to give the Gray Ghost a run into town. If only to compare what’s in the manuals to what’s in the car.

Did I mention manuals ? They don’t do things by halves :
“Quick” Guide – 82 pages
Owner’s manual – 612 pages
Navigation system manual – 412 pages

That’s right. If I had any loose nails to batter, I could use the manuals and the nails would lose.

New car arrives tomorrow ! (Yep – it’s mostly cars today but there will be a bit about me at the end)

It’s strange. I can’t remember feeling the same sense of anticipation with this one as the previous ones. That’s probably not the right way to describe it though. It’s more a different sense of anticipation.

I suspect it’s partly due to this one being a car I Want, instead of it being a Need to change. What changes does it compare to ?

First car – Fiesta. Didn’t really count this as a car, it was the one I was bought to learn in and then … only got taken out in it a few times. I learned with an instructor. Wasn’t fond of this car, although it did reinforce some handy lessons.

Second – Astra Mk1. This was my university car. We didn’t think the Fiesta would last very long, so off we go to get another banger. This one was rock solid, while it lasted. Well. Rock solid in terms of the very limited mileage I’d do at uni. The anticipation was distorted somewhat on this one by us going on holiday, so it was a couple of weeks before I could drive it.

Still – the Astra marked something very important. It marked independence. But it was dying, so I needed to change it before starting work. It had a fitting end, it died in a Pillar Of Flame. True !!! The fella who bought it from us was doing welding in it in his garage with one of the windows open. A spark flew in and … Pillar Of Flame ! I’d far prefer it went out that way in a blaze of glory than gradually disintegrate in a scrapyard.

Third – Belmont SRi. No real anticipation here. We did a lot of car swapping … My sister had blown up an Astra GTE, so she got my Astra for a few months. I got my mum’s Belmont SRi (great car btw – underrated) and my mum really got the short straw with a nasty little Peugeot 205 1.1. Nothing against Peugeot’s in general (they had an excellent diesel and the GTi) but this one was a Stinker. We needed to do the Belmont – Pug switch because a lack of power steering in the Belmont was having nasty effects on my mum’s arms.

Number 4 ! Rover 420. The anticipation here was that it was the first car I really bought under my own steam. The ones before had been either bought by parents or owned by parents. Such a shame it was an unreliable, thirsty monster. In hindsight, we shouldn’t have passed on the Belmont so quickly. After a bad early phase (courtesy of incompetent Vauxhall garages), it did 20k miles a year for me with ease. Unlike the Rover.

Five – the legendary Puma. At least I thought it was legendary. Again, no real “I want it” anticipation, there had been a long period leading up to finding one suitable and it was more a sense of relief to get rid of that horrid Rover before something else dropped off it.

But again, it was not to last. I got a lot of years out of the Puma before it too broke one too many essential part.

A Focus ST was the sixth. This change happened in a rush. The Puma had been failing for many months. The brake system needed major work, both for the anti-lock system and the handbrake. So I did a deal-in-a-day at Carcraft and then regretted the after sales treatment. (They’re polite enough but their warranty promise is appalling … and a broken contract promise is unforgiveable)

And on to Lexus … Whereas I regretted some of the earlier changes, I’ve never regretted stepping into the Lexus world. The cars are very special and the treatment you get in the garages is stellar. That said, nothing’s broken on the CT so no testing of the warranty. I suspect I’ll get a string of them, although that’ll be way off in the future when I’ve finished paying for this one.

And now I’m changing a Lexus CT for a Lexus IS. I’m looking forward to the change for the first time since that Puma, even if it is a different sense of anticipation. The sad thing is that I won’t get as many opportunities to play with it as I’d like. That’s because of some discrimination at work, where I’m not allowed to park until Friday due to living too close. That’s right – discrimination by post code is a reality. But I am allowed to use it for business trips.

But enough about that – how about me ?

I’m doing a fair bit better. Still not out of the woods and I’m still having to work hard to resist making the situation any worse.

But … Mad Pete seems to be back. I’ve been very inwards looking recently, which is something I don’t like. I’ve been saving my energy for important things and because of how I do things and who I am, that’s been work and looking out for other people. Not much impulsiveness, randomness or looking out for me. Ok, maybe a lot of thinking about me as I battle this skin condition. But the rest leads to a Boring Pete.

I like Mad Pete better, even if the impulsiveness brings with it forgetfulness and a tendency for people to throw things at me when I take things too far. Mad Pete can upset people by acting without thinking and in acting, not consider that what I’m doing is hurtful.

But the Mad side of my personality has its charms. At least I hope they do ! Now I wonder who I can try those charms out on …

I still have that ring tone on one of my other toys – but not the ones for tonight …

I had a catalyst to get me setting up something I actually bought a couple of weeks ago.

The problem – to get the Macbook sending the audio over the network without interference I had to change how my wifi works. Everything still happy (come to think of it, I never checked the bluray player) except for the printer/scanner, which couldn’t see the wifi because of what I did.

Techie bit – Wifi can work on 2 frequencies. All wifi can talk to 2.4GHz, some wifi can talk to 5GHz. The interference was coming through on the 2.4GHz band, so I moved it to the much less busy band.

The answer is to figure out a different way of connecting things up. Enter the powerline networking.

What dat ?

It’s a method of making computers and other things talk by sending signals over the mains cable in the house. In my case, I have signals zinging from internet to the internet box. Desktop and Macbook then talk to the internet box. Now, I have a Powerline box plugged into the internet thingy and it sends signals round the mains wires. I have another Powerline box on the other side of the room, where I can plug bluray player and Xbox into it. That box also happens to have a wifi transmitter, which is what my printer/scanner is talking to.

Confused yet ? Here’s how everything eventually connects up :

Desktop -> Router -> Internet
Macbook -> Router -> Internet and audio box
Router -> Powerline -> Powerline wifi -> Printer

Still confused ? I don’t blame you. I wasn’t confused earlier but I am now.

I was actually pleasantly surprised to see everything (mostly!) working happily together. The 2 Powerline widgets immediately saw each other (no surprise, they’d have been sorted out in the factory). After a quick peek in the manual on the cd, I had the wifi thingy set up to satisfaction. That’s a black mark though. I needed the default admin password, which should have been in the paper documentation and not just on the cd.

(I coulda guess actually, it was “admin” “admin” – lol, it’s not any more …)

The next step was to tell the printer about it and (after a reboot), both computers could see it again. Wow. Easy does it. Sorted !

Good toy, Bad toy, Ugly toy ?

Good toy – the Powerline bits and pieces for being supremely cooperative in the set up. They come from the TP-Link WPA4220 kit that was on sale at Shop-Not-To-Be-Named. Actually plug and play and I’m pleasantly surprised. I’d kinda like to speed test it but I think I’d need to get the old laptop out for that.

(I’ll advertise and recommend the widget but not the people who sold it … lol)

Bad toy – Windows 7. I was expecting (needing) to be able scan something in to send off. I can print from Windows 7 but not scan. That’s rubbish.

Ugly toy – the Kodak software. It works on the Macbook but I wanted to be able to darken the scan a bit to make the text on the page show up better. Nope. Wouldn’t let me.

However … the Macbook gets a close second to the Powerline kit, as it had no issues talking to the scanner.

Happy days – job done.

Gosh – this is a glamourous life I lead isn’t it ? To be honest, I’d rather have been sharing a meal with a glamourous lady and be miles away from tech but there you go 😉

Really busy day yesterday.

I dislike doing posts which are basically “How was your day ?” but I think this time it’s worth it …

It’s my dad’s birthday very soon (which I almost completely forgot about – doh!), so I’ve made the trip up to see the parents. Sister is on the way too (apparently just in time to run into storms – lol). But … that was after a planned trip to Lexus Cheltenham.

When I got my CT, it was to replace a Ford Focus ST which was … boring, impractical, gas guzzling and very poor around the bends. I don’t drive that fast but I very rarely slow down for the bends. I like a car that handles well and is responsive to your input. I like my toys too and having to go through the following procedure for long trips was … annoying :

Setting up the iPod for a trip :
Unscrew the aerial.
Connect iPod to FM retransmitter, start iPod playing
Tune car radio to the right channel
Sigh in frustration as it loses the music due to jamming by commercial radio.

Yep – even with the aerial disconnected, the retransmitter was still too feeble to have a reliable link. And listening to the music is very high on the priority list. So the Focus had to go early due to being horrible. Remembering back, I suspect I dodged a broken third gear in that car too as third was getting increasingly difficult to engage. I was also curious about getting away from a manual to give a poorly left leg (clutch foot) a chance to recover. It didn’t like stop/start traffic much.

The CT is an outstanding car. If you’re in the market for something a few years old and aren’t that bothered about speed, there are 3 year old CTs available now that are passed that big depreciation phase. I’d thoroughly recommend them. It’s one of the best cars in its class for flexibility, economy, toys and space. The only drawback is the speed, 10secs to 60 is slower than I like. That said, it’ll always give you 10 secs, without the stress you put on the gearbox and clutch in a manual car when trying to get maximum speed out of it.

What’s replacing it ?

A few months ago there should be a few posts about the new Lexus IS :

It’s slightly bigger and has a bigger engine and motor. Yep, it’s another hybrid. Given the choice between turbo diesel and hybrid, I’d choose hybrid every time. They both have similar characteristics :

Lots of torque for flexibility
Massive economy numbers
Turbo lag which is matched by motor lag

However, while hybrids rightfully claim total reliability (breakages of the hybrid system are virtually unheard of on the Lexus Owners club forum), a turbo charger works in a very nasty environment. The exhaust gasses which power them will (definite) disintegrate a turbo from the inside over several years. The family has suffered from turbo failures and turbo problems in VW’s, Freelanders …

I’m on my soapbox there I’m afraid. A turbo is an elegant solution to a problem but it comes with a reliability cost.

Right – new IS. It’s quicker and it’s even better inside than the CT. Going up the cost a bit allows them to make less compromise on what they include. That said, there’s a few features on my CT that are either missing (heated leather seats come in higher up the range or are expensive) or expensive.

It’ll come “soon”, definitely before I get chance to play with it on a work trip in a couple of weeks. Possibly even next week. We shall see. Yesterday ended up being :

Work until all done – no meetings this time to slow me down. I hate working Friday afternoons but will not leave urgent work unfinished. I’ll make the time to sort that out before chilling out at home.

Oh ! Miss L spotted me in time to wave and say hello ! She’s always smiling that one and will always give me a wave even if I don’t spot her first. I know there’s a few who spot me and go “It’s Pete ! Run away before he spots me …” lol.
(And I got a miniwave from the Snow Queen on Thursday which made my day)

From work, it’s up the road to Cheltenham to the garage. Had a decent length of test drive. Coulda done without the magical mystery tour around Gloucester to avoid holdups on the motorway. They’re building a new service station near Cheltenham. Bit daft that, it’s not needed. What is needed is extension to a junction to the north of Cheltenham which would ease traffic problems there. At the moment, you can only go one way from it instead of both.

The car was impressive, so I ended up getting Persuadertronned into getting it (5 Geek Points if you spot the reference). There’s a few big reasons for taking the plunge again :

Interest rates may go up, which would make it more expensive in a few months.
Free satnav
Discount
Deposit contribution
Lets me push a big end-of-contract payment out a few more years

All very sensible reasons. But that’s not why we buy things like this. We buy them for the way they make us go “WHEEEE” when going round corners too quick. After struggling for inspiration for a few years with the CT (Vera after the reg plate was not an option), I’ve already come up with two :

Ghost – it’ll be silver and it is silent inside even when pushing it
Khan – because it’s Better.

First pizza today for the first time in … I dunno how long !

That’s crazy ! A confirmed pizza addict who hasn’t had pizza for so long it’s gone from memory ? Quick ! Better check outside to see if the porcine aviators are making a midnight flight.

So … What’s happening ?

Personally, I’m getting better and worse. The skin’s improving, although I’m definitely not out of the woods yet. There’s a few patches that like to stay bad. Places like ankles where socks and shoes tend to rub. Crazy thing is, the soles of my work shoes are starting to wear out already and I’ve not even recovered from breaking those in yet ! There’s a few other bad patches too but on the whole, when I give it chance, it’s gradually fixing.

Yey me.

My head’s in a much better place than before Xmas too. I was badly drained mentally and worn out. Now … the crazy is happily coming out again. It’s a state of being where if a snag hits, I can bounce and work my way around it. It’s a state of mind where I can (mostly) ignore the pain from a very unhappy knee and a rather sore back. Yep, my back feels like it’s had concrete poured down the spinal column and my knee has been close to collapsing under me a few times this week.

But … the state of mind helps me battle through instead of letting the injury dominate.

It does help having people around me who help out that state of mind. I’ve gone through some weird phases at work where the atmosphere has been very strange. I’ve not known who to trust, not known whether what I say to one person about another would end up being passed on. I’ve known people who have been spreading malicious gossip about my friends. I had management that had no consistency or logic in how my priorities were set. Sometimes those priorities would shift every day in a week and without any consistency with what had come through.

That’s what tends to really mess me up. (The person in question has gone now, although his conduct on the project caused a massive amount of damage, with your’s truly being used as a conduit because our colleagues in other organisations started refusing to talk to him).

Oh my – this post is going in a completely different direction to what was intended …

Anyway – from being quite possibly on the verge of a nervous breakdown 18 months ago, my mental state has much improved and some of that is because I’ve had confidence placed in what I can do and consistency in what I’m asked to do. I will say though that the work stress had nothing to do with my skin problem erupting, that actually really started after that certain person got moved on.

What was I looking to talk about ?

I’ve had an account on an online dating site for quite a while now. I have a fairly detailed (yep, tis a wall of text) profile on there. I haven’t talked to many people on there though because :
There’s a few special people at work I’ve had my eye on for years
The skin thing put a severe dampener on thoughts of engaging with anyone on there

I have been quite curious about how people present themselves on there however. A profile on an online dating site should really be something where you’re selling yourself to the outside world. It should present you as someone of interest. Things I’ve noticed :

Profiles so bare they look like a blank canvas. Opinion ? They’re boring ! The reason I have my eye on certain people is because they can keep up with me on my mad days which means they have their own brand of crazy/interesting/intelligence.

Pictures of people in their 20s that look like they’re in their 50s. Ouch. There’s a few people who have done an incredible amount of damage to themselves and use pictures that are seriously unflattering.

Aside thought – I can see the beauty in everything and anything. Even if you convinced you’re ugly, I will see and cherish the hidden beauty. Everybody has it, even if they can’t see it themselves. That said though, there’s a few people who are otherwise beautiful who find a way of marring that beauty, commonly by treating everything they touch with absolute disdain and lack of courtesy.

Pictures ? There’s pictures of people in full on Thunder Face Scowling. That’s one example of beauty being marred by attitude. Would I look at the profile of someone who’s chosen face tells me they’re likely to henpeck dominate everything I do ? Nope.

Smiles ! For all the Thunder Faces, there’s SunSmileys. I spot some pictures when I’m scrolling down and get caught by the twinkling smile or the eyes. And then I torture myself by saying to myself “Why don’t you say hello ?”

A smile or an eye twinkle can be a wonderful thing. It can transform a face that would otherwise be seen as plain into a stunning example of beauty.

There’s the booze fuelled pictures. Ok, it’s an example of how they get their kicks but some are … Let’s say I’d want to hunt down all the copies and destroy them 😉

Girlie pictures with a bloke in. I tend to block the people who put these in. When I do find someone, I want them to be someone who will give me as much attention as I give them. And I can be extremely single minded. I’ll stay up unable to sleep thinking about people. I’ll worry about the potential anorexia case at work. I’ll hope that a miniwave isn’t a symptom of depression weighing someone down. I’ll be on tenterhooks for confirmation that someone got home safe after a team night out (the particular example came after the Jo Yeates murder, the person shared a lot of physical characteristics and I watch too many TV things about serial killers – I was worried). Anyway, if there’s a bloke in the picture with them, I take it as a sign that there’s someone else who’d be involved.

Anyway – online dating. Not taken it further than actually looking at the pictures. That’s another thing that’s been on hold while I repair and get healthy again.

But there’s also knowing a few people who share their own type of beauty with me daily at work. And that includes the one who I put in a state of confusion by being transfixed by her smile. Hey ! I do the Meerkat-Look-Up-And-Grin, they can’t help themselves and smile back and this one doesn’t realise how dazzling her smile actually is.

Wonder if she’ll come along at a leaving drinks scheduled for a couple of weeks time ? Hope so. And I hope that I’ll be in a state that lets me come out and join them for a while.

PS My pic on there got taken at Lords cricket ground. It was very sunny, I had that Grin out and I was wearing decent clothes. It shows my general size and shape and … I think it’s a good pic. For me at least … I don’t photograph particularly well !

I have to admit – it was definitely a wrench getting moving this morning …

I really don't do Monday's….. or mornings….

Not really. But when I saw this appear in the feed today :

I rofl’d. Loud enough to be noticed and that meant I had to show other people what I was laughing at.

And then they rofl’d. You know how it goes from there. You develop the distinct impression that now would be a good time to have a death grip on your phone before the joke (and your phone with the picture on it) goes all around the office.

I wasn’t that bad this morning although :

My legs were complaining so much they didn’t let me pulse the extra speed that would have let me catch up with the Snow Queen. I was only about 20 feet behind ! Curse my legs for being slow ! Yeah, they weren’t behaving themselves particularly well today. The rest of me was fine but the cold definitely got to my legs.

One of the ladies from the southern office called up to talk work stuff. And I totally missed her saying who she was, which would have made all the difference in getting me up to speed with the context. I caught up eventually but must have sounded really spaced out (the caffeine hadn’t kicked in). We figured things out and I think I’m forgiven. To be honest, I thought it was someone in a different office calling me about an email I’d not one minute before sent off.

Still – got lots done today.

Actually – that headline shouldn’t really be Powered By Coffee, it should be Powered By Smiles. Cos that’s what gets me going. It’s what gets me motivated. It’s what pushed me up from C for English up to an A. I have good English writing skills in a variety of styles, it was just the motivation that was lacking at school – but when Mrs J turned up ? 15 year old me definitely wanted to impress that one !

A smile goes a very long way. Especially on a Monday morning.

I have a somewhat weird daily cycle that can make Mondays awkward. It’s like I have a 26 hour daily cycle. I’ll go to bed at a certain time that’ll get me maybe 8 hours sleep before the next day. Except … my body & head don’t want to go to sleep at that time, they expect me to be keeping going those extra couple of hours. So … I get less sleep than I wanted and in the bad days of the skin problem, I’d attack my skin which would lead to me descending into a nasty self destructive circle. As in, no sleep and ragged arms and legs. I’m doing better there now.

I have improved on the outside but still not quite enough to be able to use the knee braces that will keep suffering knees intact. But wait … Monday-isms. Here’s some more !

 Phew ! It’s gone now for a week.

Oh yes.